Saturday, July 10, 2010

A dangerous thing to ask.

Lord, increase my faith.

Yes, it is. A dangerous thing to ask of God. But I believe in dangerous prayers.

Because dangerous prayers lead to dangerous faith which is ultimately what we all really want.

This past week two increases of faith things have happened in my life. And again, that whole love/hate thing with this blog comes rising up again. Because I know that on the other side of this screen are your eyes.

Eyes I cannot see. Eyes I may not know. And eyes that I may never look into which happens to be the main thing I don't care for with this blog. Because truthfully, I care what your eyes say. I am willing to be misunderstood but I am not willing to not care.

I am pretty much the poster-child for questionable faith. Which is why one like myself should not pray prayers of increasing faith. [smile] But none-the-less, I have prayed that prayer and God has answered. Yes, answered with a challenge.

A challenge to trust, to believe and to hope for a life of dangerous faith.

Kris, my husband, last week told me that he felt like God was moving him to start his own company. After I had my FO (freak-out) moment, I had to simply release the control I wanted to have over the situation.

Does it make any type of sense to start a company in this economy? No. Do I fully realize that we could lose everything? Yes.

These teeter-totter thoughts were all I could think on for a few hours.

But then, all it took was one person. Just one. My mom, to say, "I believe in you guys -you can do this."

Truthfully, there is something about anyone believing in you -but specifically from your mom. It that makes you go...ok maybe this could work.

And so, dangerous faith prevailed and Kris made the decision with my support. We now own a company! Crazy, I know.

A few days later I was having lunch with a friend. A friend I care a great deal for and feel very at ease to share my heart with. I had told her some of the struggles I was facing in my life. She simply shared the thought that sometimes, we just don't know what God is going to do.

I have heard that at least a thousand and one times in my life. But that day...it struck a chord with me like never before.

That afternoon I got home and was flumming through my e-mail. And there I saw it. An answer, and with an unexpected challenge to the dangerous thing to ask, "increase my faith".

A few weeks earlier I had entered a writing scholarship contest for the Philadelphia Christian Writer's Conference. I didn't tell a soul about this contest because quite frankly...I knew I had no chances of winning. But to my shock and disbelief there before me were a few sentence's with the words, "Congratulations, you are the Cecil Murphy scholarship winner!"

Yes, sometimes you just don't know what God is going to do. I sat there numb for a few moments, I truly couldn't believe it. Tears of joy, excitement and yet still...disbelief overcame me. I didn't know God was going to do that! And the timing...wow. Only God.

My heart aches to see your eyes right now because if I could I would look at you and say, "Pray that He will increase your faith but expect the challenge."

Faith is not a sprint to see who can get to the finish line first. It's a marathon and we are all at our own pace running in our own style. I've come to accept my style and admit fully that I need work. I need help. I need guidance. I need truth spoken into my own life. And sometimes...I run a bit slower than the world around me -I can't keep up.

I don't know what is to come from this company or this conference. The rest will come -whatever it is. So for now, I rest in that.

I wonder if you and I will accept the challenge and will we walk hard to gain dangerous faith? Will we look for the small steps? Because they will lead to the most giant leaps. And we have to be ready. Ready -because He's gonna say "now". He wants to take us by surprise...but will we let Him?

8 comments:

kim said...

Nicki,

How so very, very COOL and AWESOME to see God increasing your faith! Congrats on winning! Congrats on standing beside your husband. Hopefully in a few weeks we will get a chance to chat at She Speaks, as my hubby started his own company a few years back (and yes, I had my F.O. moment.) My husband continues to proclaim that God is His boss. (It has been amazing to watch God work with and through my husband.) Thanks for sharing! Have a great Sunday!

Leebird said...

Nicki! I'm so up for the challenge! Let's get dangerous!

Be looking for an email from me in the next day or so.

Love you! LeeBird

Susan Panzica - EternityCafe said...

You took a beautiful step of faith, and God was your firm foundation. Awesome, girl!

We can say that we believe that Jesus will hold us on the tightrope we walk, but until we step out onto that wire, it's only head knowledge. Faith doesn't grow until we take that first step. He gives us a footlight to our path step by step, not a floodlight to illuminate the entire route.

And congratulations on winning the scholarship. I won a CM scholarship to the Philly conference last year and was so blessed. This year, I was considering attending for a day, and now if we can connect there, maybe I will. (Unfortunately, I had to cancel out on SheSpeaks this year - too many family situations.) I'd love to grab lunch together in Philly!

Susan

Marilyn in Mississippi said...

You are so right....we have to stay ready!

Marilyn

On Purpose said...

The God living full in you and around you looks amazing! Oh friend..He has great things for you and your awesome family. Praising Him for loving on you in such a precious, intimate and personal way. Praying for the start of this business...knowing He has walked before you!

auburnchick said...

Congratulations on the scholarship!!!!!!! What wonderful validation that you are doing as God what God has asked of you!!!

And boy, do I know about faith in starting new ventures.

I finally found a teaching job, but it's taking a HUGE leap of faith as I will be teaching at a school that primarily has Muslim students. Not all of the teachers are Muslim. In fact, a few are Christians. But wow...talk about a step into the unknown! My faith is unshakable, as it was during the two years I was laid off.

I trust, as you and your husband do, that God will direct our paths as we keep our eyes focused on serving Him.

JenB said...

Wow! What a leap of faith! Very cool.

We're doing our own bit of leaping these days. I'll have to fill you in. ;)

And congratulations on the scholarship! How awesome!

Jenna said...

I found your blog this morning after reading your *wonderful* post "Wait and Pray" from the "She Seeks" email I recently subscribed to! THANK YOU for your thoughts...they are almost eerily identical to my own dreams and soul that tugs at knowing God has so much more in store for me...then getting derailed with impatience! :) I was wondering if you could share with me on how you found writing scholarships. I am located in the Pacific NW, 26, single, and had a lifetime of God "stretching my faith" but recently he turned the tables on me once more and looks as if writing more seriously is on the docket. Thank you for the sincerity in your writing...fight on:)