Sister's and Sister's.

Very early yesterday morning, I hugged and kissed two of my girly's good-bye for five whole days. They are off to New York with their daddy to do some sight-seeing and for Taylor to run in her very first 5k! Kris's uncle died a few years ago and he was a fire-fighter up in NY and they hold this race in honor of him every year.

I'm having a bit of mommy guilt this morning for not being there but I think this time with their daddy is a good thing. And some time away for them from the ever-needful-tantrum throwing boo is not such a bad thing either. :)

The Boo is also on her way outta here this afternoon. She's taking a little trip to my mom's house in Ashabill (as she would say) where I'm sure she will convince my mom and dad of all sorts of things to do. Like um...buy her some new shoes?? I don't know...maybe. But, I would NEVER coach my child on how to sweet talk her way into such needed items. Never. {wink}

And so...where will this leave me for a few days? Hmm....all.by.myself. Here, in the little brick house. With the the little-big-moving mess and the little-book-proposal/stress fueler.

I'm looking foreword to it, I think. But I know this time is a God-send as my head has been spinning like a mad woman for the past few weeks and this would provide an excellent opportunity to take said head off and let it re-group! :)

But I need to talk to you about something on this here blog today. And the topic....sisters.

Now, I wish sometimes more than anything that I had a sister. I mean, I really do. Because many of my friends who have sister's have incredible relationships where they keep each other's kids, house-sit so they can go on vacation, talk them through life's struggles and are just a shoulder to lean on.

I have a brother, who is great, but since the brother is well, a guy...this leads him to have guy-tendencies. You know, like not caring about such things as bead-board-wallpaper and what color to paint the new living room and how this fabric doesn't go with this and the sorts. :) But he's a great guy...just not a girl.

But here lately, I have been sooo confused with this sister thang.

I mean...one minute they love each other, literally the next...they hate!

Although my brother and I had our stuff, it was more consistent. Like we would go weeks with hating each other and him doing horrible tourcherous things to me like....making me drink salt and pepper water...oh yes, he did. Or kiss the wall...ah yes, this brings back sweet memories.

But these girls, oh my goodness.

I don't know if it's the combination of all three of them, their ages or WHAT but sometimes, I feel like I'm about to lose my mind with them.

In the new house it still only has three bedrooms so two girls have to share. And since Taylor has done nothing but rant and rave about how much she needs her "space", we decided that we would put Hope and the Kennyboo together.

Well, this was a fabulous idea until Taylor started thinking about what her life would be like without her sisters by her side 24/7. She then had the great summer melt-down a few weeks ago and came to me greatly flustered saying, "Hope is disowning me as a sister! And here is the contract!" (she literally had a contract, said something to the sorts of, HOPE is not Taylor's sister anymore! Sign here!....deep legal mumble jumble)

And then, there were many tears. MANY.

So to make things fair, because I am the judge remember, I decided to give Hope the option of what she would like to do.

This......was a bad idea.

For the next three days, Hope knew that she held the trumph card. If Taylor made her mad, she kicked her out of the new said room. If Taylor met all of her sisterly emotionally needs she would then regain the trust of sharing a room together.

And it would change from one minute until the next.

It seemed as though HopeAnn was loving this power-thing and this would be the key to her success of overcoming all middle child issues. You know like, not being heard or seen and just invincible in this little family of ours.

Well, the other day, I had to surrender her power and make the executive decision to let Taylor share a room with her. And taking away such power left that poor girly feeling quite frustrated! But what was I supposed to do? Sweet mercy.

Here is where I need you. If you have a sister, what was the biggest struggle that you had growing up? And how did your mom handle it? What special things did the two of you share?

Also...what is your relationship like with your sister today? Is there anything you wish you could change about your relationship?

Or if you are a mom of girls, how did/do you handle such situations? Any and every bit of input on this is great!

I'm very curious as to all of this! I need your help to understand these girls more.

Thanks y'all!! :)

Time gets away...

I'm emotional today.

There are many reasons why I'm feeling this way and I don't really know that you want to hear all of my business but oh well....here is my top ten at the moment.

1.My sweet lil nephew...is having some problems with his head, please pray for him and I will update you soon once I get all the details. And it just makes me sad that he's so stikin far away...I wish I could just squeeze him. Because, he just might be the cutest thing I've ever seen.



2. Went to Ikea yesterday and they informed me that this will be the last time Taylor can come to the childcare....girlfriend has grown two inches since the last time we went.....no joke. Which pushes her over the tip of the line in which they measure to see if she can come in....Why this made me misty eyed???

3. Moving. Ya'll.....I don't know how my marriage or my kids have survived moving 6 times in 9 years. *Sighs*

4. This "lil" thing called a book proposal......not so little, not so easy, not so stress-free. Very scared and oh ya....it's in two weeks. She Speaks!

5. Hormones? Do they make a temporary insanity from moving drug? If so, someone please INFORM ME.

6. Thinking about this being the last summer I will be seeing a 3-year-old with squishy booty cheeks hanging out of a swimsuit....I mean, there is just nothing more precious in the whole world. And it makes me sad that these little things keep growing on me. And I'm just not ok with it, for tonight. But perhaps the next time she again attempts to flush her foot down the toilet....I will wish these days away again.

7. Just saw, "My Sister's Keeper"......oh my goodness, still crying from it. I won't give all the details away but it's a tear jerker!!

8. Hopie (6) informed me the other day through sobbing tears that she feels "lost" in this family of ours.......broke my heart and not sure what to do.....I need more hours in the day it seems.

9. My girls leaving their school.......this still has me very sad....and they are sad and it makes me sad. I guess I still just don't understand why the Lord is doing this.....but I know He has a plan and in that.....I find rest. (tears)

10. No matter what I do, I just can't make time stand still.(more tears)Girls keep growing, Life keeps changing and Time gets away way to easily.

Ya'll...my heart is raw as I write this.

I'm in a tender, foreign spot in my life. One that I'm not quite sure I understand or want to continue to go through. Yet I must press on. I have to keep carrying through. And I have to keep working through all of these days....good and bad, sad and happy.

I have to trust that the Lord is still upon His mighty throne. And that not one step of mine is ever out of His knowledge. That the Father is commanding His angels around my home, protecting us through many things I may not even know about. And to Him nothing makes His mouth drop or His feet stumble.

He is still my God.

And I...am still His girl.

Though I stumble and I fall, daily here it seems.....He will still pick me up from all of this.....set my feet upon the rock and I will stand with hands lifted high, while my Abba Father picks me up to carry me through the rest of this journey.

Because all this girl right here really is, is just a broken down Jesus girl......who got rescued by a King.

And what a King He is that he just continues to make all days new.

Life is hard...but God is good.

Have you heard the song that carries these words to the depths of your soul? "Life is hard, but God is good...."

Intriguing thoughts. Healing words. Helpful concept.

Lately life has been fun, busy, stressful and hard and yet we have known that, God is good.

I think I love the beach more than any other place in the world. Because there is so much to gain from admiring God's vast creation. The last few days we were there I had some time just to sit and soak....my favorite thing to do!

One of the feelings I always have while sitting in front of the ocean is, that I am so small compared to the massive size of the ocean. And yet, God is even bigger than that ocean.

As I look around the thousands of people on the beach, I see that I am just one. How could a God of such a big world, with so many people care so much about lil ol me? And yet even God knows the number of hairs upon my head.

When I think about the many heart-breaking situations we are facing as well as many other's...I think about the way the waves come in and out.

Just like life, sometimes it's a big wave that could knock us out! And other times it's one that we can jump through. But the waves are constant as are the troubles of this world. And yet even God controls the waves of the ocean and the seemingly impossible waves of life.

HopeAnn, my middle girly, is one of the greatest shell hunters there is! She will walk, dig and do whatever she can to find that perfect shell. Often she is frustrated that there seems to be more broken shells than whole ones. As she showed me her collection of broken down shells, my heart was touched that she would even want them. That she would even take the time to pick them up and put them in a bucket. They were still treasures to her, even if they were broken!

Most of us, we would just walk on by.

And I thought of how you and I are really nothing more than a broken shell at times. Where life's troubled waters has crushed our spirits, broken down what was once whole and left us with nothing but a cracked, sharp edged exterior.

Yet, the amazing God who created it all, will still stop and pick us up, put us into his bucket of love and think we are the most beautiful thing He ever created.

Pretty amazing if you ask me.

He is the King. He knows our hearts intentions. He knows the future. He holds us in His hands. He is the great creator. He is the great healer. He is the awesome provider. He is the great I AM. He is no fool. He has never made a mistake. He has never let something slide. He is...everything.

Life is hard...but God is good.

Blog Hop!

I have soooo many pictures that I love of my girls, but I really don't have one of all three of them that I adore! It's hard to get three kiddos to look at the camera. But this picture of, The Kennyboo...always makes me smile! So maybe it will make you smile too. :)

Sinking Waters.

Hey there sweet bloggy friends! I am back from an awesome week at the beach and am refreshed, renewed and ready to go!

While I was away, I had lot's of time to just sit and think...sometimes a good thing for a girl with a busy mind to do.

One day while I was sitting on the beach, feeling the warm summer breeze all around me, and soaking up some good sunshine, I noticed that their was a crowd drawing near the water. They were all pointing their fingers out in one particular direction.

I then saw two lifeguards jump into the rocky waves and swim towards a man way out in the water. He was frantically waving his hands up and had a gaze of panic upon his face! As we all intensely watched the lifeguards do their best to get to him, the crowd grew bigger and bigger and more fingers were pointing in his direction as he gasped for air and began sinking.

As the guards grabbed hold of him just in the nick of time and swam him towards shore, you could easily see the look of relief upon his face. But you could also tell he was quite embarrassed to have such a crowd watching this incident. As they all exited the water and made their way towards the life-guard stand, the crowd that had drew to watch this event began to applaud.

My little girls were easily amused by this exciting event and joined in the applauding. The Kennyboo shouted to everyone, "He ALMOST drowned people....He almost drowned!" She then looked at me and said in her little southern twang, "He didn't have his floaties on Mommy....you drown without your floaties."

"Yes Kennyboo, but he was a big boy and he just got pulled out to far by the water." I tried to help her make sense of this. But in her wee little mind, it didn't matter. He was drowning, because he didn't have his floaties!

I quickly realized that the Lord was speaking to me very intensely through this little situation.

I began to think of all the times I have felt like I was to far out there in the water, and needed someone to come and save me! We all have moments where we have pushed the boundaries to far, said something that was very wrong, had a heart that was ugly or prideful and before we know it, we too could have a crowd around us, pointing their fingers and shouting to other's "She's sinking!"

Recently I have come to discover in my personal walk that I can very easily slip into the sinking waters of this world or even to be on the sidelines of the crowd watching someone sink. It's a fine line to walk every day and just like within moments this man was drowning you and I too can be if we are not careful.

Do I say it or do I let it go? Do I smile or do I give her the look I really want to? Do I stay or do I go? Do I love or do I hate? Do I make new boundaries where God doesn't put them or do I just work towards the kingdom? Do I give or do I withhold? Do I nurture or do I push aside?

I have a lot coming up in the next few weeks and I've been a little nervous/stressed about it all. The Lord reminded through this that I always have "life-guards" by my side.....Jesus, The Holy Spirit and The Father. They all three as one, want the best for me and you! They will constantly pull us out of sinking waters if they must.

But just as life-guards are their to protect the beach, so are they.

However, we must listen....to that deep down conviction. To that gentle nudge on our souls and to that perfect plan that He holds in His hands every day. To the spirit that guides us into all that He has for us. And most importantly to His holy and blameless word, the bible.

"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of the deep waters."

-Psalm 18:16

Blogging......break?

Hey there sweet friends. I hope you will forgive my lack of posting around here lately. I am sorry. I thought things would slow down this summer but they seem to be doing anything but slowing down!

I've decided that maybe this is a good time for an extended blogging break and I realize that a good blogger doesn't take extended blogging breaks.......but perhaps I'm not a "good blogger"?!! ;)

I love you all but life is just running hard right now and I'm trying to focus my writing efforts on the book proposal I will be giving in just a few weeks at the She Speaks conference.

We are off to the beach on Saturday and will be there with what I believe no WIFI.......GASP!! What will I do??!! So I will be back after that with lot's of pictures, funny stories and updates galore!!

Love you!!!

May I apologize?

Good morning sweet bloggy friends.

My heart is in an uproar this morning and I feel as though I may not be able to make it through this post without many tears. Which I must....because I know the Lord is asking me.....to just be me....this morning.

Because if it even effects one person.....it's worth it.

This all began in my heart this past Sunday in church. During our Sunday school lesson we looked closely at betraying Christ. Our teacher who just happened to be Amy's husband, lead us through Mark chapter 14, particularly the denial from Judas and Peter.

Two of the Lord's closest friends, his team members, his brother's, his "I'm counting on you" buds......they betrayed Him....deeply.

We looked at the Lord's reaction to his right hand men and how he handled it and I must say that I did learn a lot about how to react when someone you trust seems to betray you. But that's a whole different blog! ;)

Since Sunday, my heart has been unsettled. For many reasons. But mainly this....at one point in the lesson we got into a little side-bar about people who are not Christians and how they may pose the question to Christians that in essence....we have a lot of nerve claiming to be who we say we are, when our lives over history don't line up with it.

Ex: Peter and Judas......denying Christ. The Crusades.....killing in the name of Christ. The "Baptist" denomination, that was actually founded out of a racial plunge........The you can't be apart of our church for this and that......The lies told from the pulpit........The crucifying of other's because they were not perfect.....

The Shame all brought on in the name of........Jesus.

Doesn't seem so pretty, does it?

Although I have never stood on a battle line and shot someone in the name of Jesus or flat out to Jesus's face denied him like Judas and Peter did......but I must say, the overwhelming conviction from this lesson has been a little unbearable.

Because, let me tell you what I have done......

I have gone out into the world at times and gone about my business like I didn't care about a soul in this world. (Matthew 9:37 Then He said to His disciples, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few)

I have said, "I will pray" and never did. (Exodus 20:16 "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.)

I have judged. (Matthew 7:1 Do not judge.....)

I have thought of people wrongly.(Matthew 7:3-5 says, "And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?...)

I have not known my bible inside and out and not been prepared to give someone an answer for why I believe what I believe.(Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. 1 Peter)

I have listened to what turned out to be un-godly council because I didn't turn to the Lord first.(A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. Proverbs 12:26)

I have questioned God. (Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. Ecclesiastes 5:2)

And I can find scriptures to oppose all of these other's up but time doesn't allow this morning,.........I have also had a yucky attitude at times, a sinful heart, a heart that was full of anger,jealousy, pride and even hurt and my list could go on......and on.

All of this, in "His Name".

I realize there may be someone reading this right now that is going, "What kind of girl is this?"

Yes, I would agree. What kind of girl am I? Who am I pretending to be? Who am I fooling...the answer is no one.

I am no one and am fooling no one.

Some would say that this blog is no place to be writing these types of things out, because it does nothing to bring shame to my Lord's name. They are right. But I feel there is a bigger shame in pretending, denying we "Christians" act this way, professing to be holy, righteous, set-apart people....when we are acting no different than anyone!

This is heavy.....I know.

And this morning, I feel as though I just need to apologize on behalf of whom I represent.

I, personally, follow a man who caused no harm to anyone...who loved all.....who put himself in the lowest of low positions....who stopped to help even just one person.....who came to love, to teach and to show the world the way. Who died a self-less death in order to make a way for you and I to experience His blessing here.....and later in eternity. And perhaps I, have more times than I would like to think....have too, betrayed my Lord.

I am sorry. To my Lord first. How merciful He is to forgive and forget....over and over. How loving He is to shower me with His love when I deserve none of it. How perfect of an example He left for me to follow and yet I do not. How incredible is His grace and how much he freely gives it and yet I do not always accept it.

I am sorry for who I am at times. I am sorry for every person that I have ever caused to think, "No thank you, Christianity is not for me." I am sorry for every soul that I knew I was to sow a seed of the Lord into and did not.

I am sorry.

I do not write this to have a clean heart, a pure mind or a "whew.." got that off my chest. I write this to sincerely say, I am sorry to every non-believer out there.

And I cannot apologize to you for people who need to apologize directly, I cannot change others.....but I can do something, even little ol me.....I can let it begin with me.

Don't wear the T-shirt unless you've really done it.

So to conclude this entry that I've been fighting for days to write.......I want to say.....that I am deeply sorry for all the people in this world who have been hurt in the name of the Lord, who have been treated wrong by those professing to be Christians, who have not been even given a glimpse of the love He can give us......my heart aches.

But as a challenge to myself and every other Christian out there, I need to get off this blog......get out in the world.......and start loving like He loves because if they don't see it in me......they may never see it.

"Trust in Him at all times O people, pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge." -Psalm 62: 8