Hey Friends!
I'm over here (click here). Please pop over watch the very short vlog! :) And leave a comment to let me know what your motto for Twenty Ten is!
See you tomorrow with a new post. God's done some cool things, can't wait to share!
Much love,
Nicki
It's early.
But that's ok because it's also quiet. I had gotten up early this am to head out for my new 5am run but because it's just a wee bit chilly out {just a wee bit}...so such things have not happened.
I can hardly believe it's the first Monday of 2010. In just a few moments I will get my sleepy girls out of bed, get them dressed and head them to school. The chaotic week will begin after that and quite frankly I'm happy with these moments alone with Jesus right now.
I'm just going to be honest for a moment. I haven't had the best weekend. Opposition has seemed very strong since New Year's Eve over several areas of my life and I haven't quite been able to put my finger on it.
And sometimes we don't put our finger on it...you know?
But I've found myself in the book of Matthew today. Accepting a challenge from our church to read through the New Testament in 30 days. I'm excited to embrace this challenge but also know that when we step further out in faith opposition is going to be stronger.
Sometimes it makes you wonder if it's worth it.
One verse has struck me hard today. In Matthew Chapter 5:6: "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled."
I think it's really easy to sit behind a computer and fill up a screen with a bunch of words, thoughts and desires. And to do nothing more with those emotions than to write words. But when I read the word "righteousness" I was struck by two things.
1. Righteousness is a shield
2. Righteousness brings deliverance
For sometime in my life I was convinced that the word righteousness was something of self. Like a divine right to act a certain "godly" way. I was so wrong. Righteousness is the one most amazing attribute of our God and one that is probably the most difficult to live out daily. Impossible for you and I to fulfill on our own strength.
It's easy to go through daily doses of life thinking, "This doesn't matter." But it does. It all matters. Every step. Every trial. Every ounce of opposition. It all matters.
2010 is the year that matters.
Seek His righteousness in everything today. In every step, In every moment. Because when you seek righteousness even the mundane situations...they matter. It all matters.
Be blessed my friend. Be strong. Be a pursuer of righteousness in your life.
It matters.
So here it is! The last day of 2009. Wow.
I used to be really big on New Year's Resolutions but I've come to realize that they are nothing more than an excuse to wait to change something. And we also set our expectations WAY to high with that long list. But just out of curiosity...do you have a resolution? Do you do that? If so please share, I'd love to hear! :)
Instead of a list of resolutions, I have list of HOPE for this year. 2009 has been QUITE a ride and I'm hopeful for a calmer year but we all know that's not going to happen. {wink}
One of my favorite bible verse is Proverbs 13:12 and it says: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."
So here is what I HOPE for 2010:
*My mom to be totally healed from Cancer, treatment to be complete and our trip to celebrate her recovery!
*My brother's little boy Asher to continue to be healed and for my brother to be healed from somethings he is now going through.
*To not move again. Lord Jesus PLEASE don't move us again. :)
*For Kris's new job to remain stable and steady.
*That each of the girls would continue to grow in the Lord and thrive in their school.
*That I would be a mom that helps them to grow in the Lord daily.
*A little thing called a contract on a book deal...that would be awesome! {BTW, quick update on all that mess. I heard back from one publisher...they gave some tough feedback and I'm working through that. I also am still working with the agent I met with through another agent at She Speaks this summer. This is a LONG process. So hang on...2010 is gonna be the year! I hope.}
*That our new church would feel more and more like home and that the Lord would lead us to where we need to be as far as serving.
We are kicking off the New Year with some friends tonight and then with Kris's family tomorrow for lunch. January is going to be busy with several speaking engagements which I'm very excited about. Praying that God will continue to bring more and lead me on the path that He wants me to go for ministry and life!
So I'm excited about 2010 and I hope and pray you are too! Thanks for sticking around with life through me and for the encouragement and HOPE :) you bring to me through this blog. I love you all and know God's got big things for your life in 2010and I can't wait to see what He does!
Happy New Year!
The other day I woke up with some massive heart issues. No, not the kind that requires a rush to the ER or an appointment to see a Cardiologist. And not even the kind where you could call up your best friend to just vent for a few minutes. It was worse.
Much worse.
Something had been eating me up for days. I found out something wasn't the way I thought it was and it just created a whole spool of thread that the devil delicately wove into a tricky sin pattern. It was as though a covering of darkness had been placed on my life and I didn't know what to do. Typically, I flee from all evil. It's what we naturally want to do.
However, this was not a situation that was so black and white nor that I could instantly run from. Why? Because there was good woven between the evil. And it was one of the most confusing situations I have ever been in. So for days I spent time in God's word battling this fight within my soul of what seemed to be good vs. evil. But nothing seemed to work.
I was fighting a fight I couldn't win.
One particular morning I was wrestling deeply with it. Claiming scripture but then falling back into the deep pit of despair again. Frustrated with this overwhelming burden I told God that this just seemed impossible to overcome and I just didn't know what to do anymore.
That same morning, I got an e-mail from a friend. A friend I hadn't heard from in quite awhile and knew nothing about what was going on. I went ahead and copied the e-mail straight from my in-box so you could read it word for word:
Girl I don't know what u may be going through but about 20 mins ago God laid u on my heart to pray 4 u. the holy spirit led me to pray for this Burden u r feeling to release it. Then a vision of a heavy blanket-like was laying on top of ur whole body and it represented this burden. And then it was lifted straight up in the air away from your body just like God wants to take this burden away from you!You know I'm not crazy girl:). Love u!
For the record, my friend is not crazy. She has a gift I believe...there have been many times where she has sent me words like this to me and even to other's and has been right on. Her heart of discernment is something like I have never seen.
As I read her words I immediately went to my prayer closet and I felt like He whispered to me, "Not only do I want to lift this burden from you but I want to bless you too. You just have to trust me."
It felt instantaneous. And every time those thoughts trickled into my mind the rest of the day I pleaded that picture of Him lifting the burden away.
I felt so good that I felt I could take on anything! Well, almost anything. {wink}
That afternoon I had drug my girls from store to store, to store to store. I was in search of some very specific things on a shoestring budget. We were blessed with a little Christmas money and Kris gave it over to me to do some decorating. The biggest thing I was in search of was a chair for our living room.
The girls were groaning to please go home so I started to make my way back. I was quite happy with my finds for the day but a little disappointed in not finding a chair in our budget. But suddenly I felt like I should go to one more store. It was on the way home and I agreed to buy the girls a book so they piped up a little with excitement.
Taylor, my oldest said, "Mommy, I just don't think your going to find your chair today. Maybe it's just not supposed to be."
I could have agreed with her but then I remembered my friend's e-mail and how much her prophetic words meant to me. And I said boldly to Taylor, "We are gonna find that chair."
She rolled her eyes and uneasily said, "OOOOOOOOKKKKK."
As we pulled into the parking lot my heart began to flutter with excitement as it does when I am bargain shopping. {wink} I got all the girls out of the car, stuck my keys in my purse and opened the doors into the store. The girls quickly ran under me over to the book section to pick out their reward for momma's insanity.
I didn't see it right away. A few other things caught my eye and I seemed to lose focus for a moment.
And then...I turned my head and there sat near the window a beautiful red and cream gingham check chair. EXACTLY what I had been looking for. Quickly I rushed over to see the price and I noticed that the tag that would tell me it was still for sale was gone. No!
Disappointment flooded my body but something told me to take one more look. I looked again and into the crease of the back of the chair and the seat of the chair I noticed something was sticking out. THE TAG! I thought it was a mistake when I read $29 and quickly asked the store clerk if it was sold and if that price was correct. He told me no it was not sold and if I wanted it, it was mine!
I could have cried right there in the store!
Taylor, who was so involved with her book search heard my squeal's of delight and glanced over at me with a big smile upon her face. She simply pointed her finger up to the sky and nodded her head and gave me a big 'ol wink.
Had my friend not been obedient and said those words to me that morning and carried my burden to God's feet, I might not have been set free and evil could have prevailed. But because she did I got to carry into my home...the blessing instead of the burden.
"Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law." -Galatians 6:2 (MSG)
The Chair:
The chair has a name: The blessing rather than the burden chair. May it always remind me that God wants to carry the burden and He doesn't ask me to.
So I wonder today if there's someone you and I need to carry the burden for to God's feet?
It's easy to forget how powerful our prayers and words of encouragement can be to someone. We think we aren't discerning right or that they may think we are silly. Please don't believe that lie. I know who I need to pray for and who I need to send some encouragement to. And may she experience the same freedom that I did through this experience.
Nothing is impossible with God.
Sorry I've been a little MIA on this blog. Christmas came in and swept me off my feet and seemed to take over life for an entire week. But a great week it was!
First, my apologies to the Koziarz side of our family. Apparently I forgot I had a camera for the festivities with them. But we spent Christmas Eve Day with them at our house and it was fun. Except for the fact that I almost killed Kris's 96 year old grandfather...ahem. But, that's another post. Let's just say there will be no more steak eating in our house when we have them over.
Then my mom and dad came into town to spend Christmas with us. Mom had just finished up Chemo so she was feeling a little yuck but she was a trooper! Dad came with us as we headed to our Church's Uptown Christmas. It was amazing! Click here if you'd like to see some of it.
Then we came home and put the girls to bed and got ready for the fun. Here's a picture of Kris. Boy it's ROUGH being Santa. :)
The Boo opening her MUCH anticipated Baby Alive! Have mercy for the Baby Alive too. Holy cow...she might get herself an entire blog post filled with the drama she has brought to this here house of ours.
This is my mom opening a gift from a friend of mine. She has been blown away at the support from those she doesn't even know! Please take note of the bow on her head. I will blame it on the chemo.....ha!! :)
I love Christmas, I really do! I love to think deeply about other's and I spend hours searching high and low for the perfect gift. Granted alot of those gifts end up as gift cards, which I'm not crazy about giving, but sometimes there is no perfect gift for someone. {wink}
As crazy as this sounds, I actually enjoy years like this one, where funds are low. It really makes me think outside of the box and figure out creative ways to give. It makes it simple to say no to girls with crazy desires like laptops.....mercy. But hard to say no to such tender hearts that ask for a new sister from Kenya. {sweetness}
So as of this moment everyone on my list is all bought for. The gifts are secretly hidden {isn't that the hardest part? hiding them?} and the Christmas Eve meal has been planned. Boxes have been shipped to loved ones across this nation. Christmas programs x3 have been faithfully attended and parties were lovingly planned to light up eyes and spread some cheer. The house is as decorated as it's gonna get this year and I believe I can say, I'm ready.
Except for one thing.
The most important thing of all.
Each year I decide in my heart of the gift I want to bring Jesus this year. Last year it was my faithfulness to attempt writing and presenting my first ever book proposal for Him. I prayed hard and He miraculously prepared a way. Years before it's been to read my bible more. To get more involved. Or to try to be more encouraging.
But this year, I felt as though a greater sacrifice needed to be made. And that's a hard decision to come to.
Life has gotten very busy as these girls get older. There is more laundry to do, more cleaning, more places to go, bigger bellies to fill and more problems to solve. Homework never ends, reading is always a challenge and someone always needs something.
And I find myself feeling quite out of balance many, many days.
Sometimes I feel as though Jesus gets my leftovers. And not just when it comes to reading His word. With everything in my life. My body, my soul, my acts of service....it's all....when I have time.
So I thought about giving Jesus more time for me to exercise. Or a deeper commitment to stop the busy day and spend time with Him. Or a plan to memorize insane amounts of scripture. I had a lot of great ideas.
But then I heard Him say something I didn't want to hear.
He said, Give me 5am.
Huh?
Yes, like you used to. 5am was our time, not 11pm or even 1am...5am.
I cringed at the thought. But then I realized that's exactly how I know it's what I'm supposed to do. As I have learned over this past year what God requires from us should never make us feel "comfortable". It should always feel like it's a sacrifice. And as silly as it may sound to you but giving up those late nights and getting up at the crack o dawn is really something sacrificial in my life right now.
So Jesus.....here is my gift to you:
5am.
You take and use that hour however you wish. To speak fresh words into my soul. To run beside me out in the freezing cold. Or to simply bring me to my knees for people in my life. Whatever you want to do with that hour each and every morning. It's yours. And I can't wait to see what you do with that time! :)
So bloggy friends......what are you giving Jesus this year? Have you decided yet? Have you thought about it yet? If so I'd love to hear what it is. If not, there's still time. {wink} It's not Christmas day yet.
I think sometimes you know you are a writer when your bones ache for something to be written. When you toss and turn through the night with how you can make your words flow out right and connect through the weave of emotions that you are experiencing...signs of a writer, for sure.
I have pushed this post off way to long.
But God.
I have not wanted to write this. Because I know it may stir the pot in some lives. And my up most goal in life is to never stir hearts to controversy but only to stire hearts to Jesus.
You have heard me say many times on this blog that we have been searching for almost five months now for a new church home. Five, L-O-N-G months. Five months of tiresomely being guest after guest. Five months of the groans of my girls, "Can't we just make a choice." Five months of prayer and petition to Christ to reveal His plan to us. Five months of feeling disconnected, lost and without a solid place to rest.
Five months.
Never did I dream it would take that long. I had a list. I had a plan. I knew where God was going to lead us. And I...was completely wrong.
But God.
A traditional girl at heart, these "modern" church's made me feel a little uneasy. After all, Sunday mornings in our lives have always included chaos to find matching black patent leather shoes, carefully made bows and the perfect dress for all three of our girls. We would scoot out the door just in the nick of time, toss everyone into their Sunday school classes and somehow try to connect with God. In a pretty sanctuary. In a beautiful church. In a one-stop central for the needs of our family.
Why would we ever want anything else?
But God.
A few weeks ago God confirmed where He was sending us. But...I, not my husband, I fought Him. Because it didn't fit the mold of what I was looking for. I wasn't sure my gifts would ever be able to be used in a church like this one. And my girls? There was practically nothing for them other than Sunday's. So why would we ever want to go there?
To top things off, a lot of people in my circle of friends...they didn't have great things to say about this church: "It feels like a rock-concert, not church." {True} "They don't have any solid teaching going on there." {False} "There's no kids programs."{False} "That Pastor curses in the pulpit."{False False False} "They are like a cult."{False} "It's to loud."{True}
I think...I have heard it all.
But God.
This girl with a very traditional heart for God....has feared the relevance that this church offers. Is it necessary? Is it helpful? Is it really how God wants church done?
But since our girls have been out of their private Christian school and we have left our very traditional church, the Lord has been revealing a word to me..."Community." There's an entire WORLD out there past the church walls. A world filled with people, nice people, who are doing great things for this world around us!
As I look around the seats that fill this very modern sanctuary some have wild hair, some are old, some are young, some are rich, some are poor, some are popular, some are unknown and some are just different.
I like them.
And let me just go ahead and say this. It's not that I don't like the people at our old church...at all. I love them and I refuse to bring Satan any more glory as to the reasoning behind our decision to leave. God was clear. It was no person, no persuasion, no single act of anything....God. Was. Clear.
So, I do not judge you for your reasons to stay...so do not judge us for our reasons to leave. There have been those that have been very clear as to whose side of line you stand on, but let me be clear...I have not drawn a line. Nor will I ever. As far as I am concerned, we are all in this together. God's Kingdom, not my Kingdom or your Kingdom.
I miss it. I miss our Sunday school class. My bible study friends. The girl's friends. But obedience has to exceed desire. My fleshly desire would be to stay put in one place for the rest of our lives.
But God.
I was talking to a new friend of mine the other day on the phone. She was asking me about this church we have been visiting. She had very real questions to ask, ones that I was very willing to answer. And at the end of the conversation she said, "Maybe we should just try it out." I replied to her that she shouldn't. After all, she was very happy in her church home. She had felt God lead her there and their family was very comfortable where they were.
God has to call you to your church home.
And God doesn't just show up at one church every Sunday.
He will be clear when it's time to join, time to leave or time to just stay put.
But God.
Don't leave because it's what the crowd does. Don't join because it's what the crowd does. Don't go here or there because it's where your friends go. Don't judge because everyone else does. And I beg you...if you hear something that sounds way off...discover the truth for yourself.
As our new Pastor said at this week's service once again, "If they are gonna talk, let's give them something to talk about. But let's tell them what we are for, not what we are against."
So...
I am for Jesus being lifted higher and higher in this city, nation and world!
I am for Community. It expands the area for us to love, love and love some more!
I am for the Lord turning my world upside down in order to get us where we need to be!
I am for a God who won't allow me to stay put and stuck in my old ways!
I am for a family that will sacrifice what we've always known to become something more!
As much as I've wanted this week's to quickly pass and the Lord to show us where He wanted us, I wouldn't have traded this time for ANYTHING. I've been miserable, I've been lonely, I've been sad and I have even been angry as to why God would uproot my family like this. BUT GOD...has set me free, put JOY in my life again and allowed me to stand FIRM on His word and given me a new HOPE.
And this is our new church, a new thing but the SAME God:
ELEVATION CHURCH (click)
I am actually closing the comments on this post. Not because I don't care what you think or have to say but because I care so much more about what God thinks and says.
There is no such thing as a perfect church. But there is a perfect God and that is truly all that matters. And the phrase, "Home is where your heart is." Couldn't be more true. But may my heart never again only be in one place.
Truly.
