Tuesday, November 24, 2009

So, I'm not predicatable.

Ok, I realize that I totally promised a second post on Monday to follow up with the last one, but hello...I'm a total slacker. ;)

But it's Tuesday so it's not THAT bad right?

I have so much I want to say right now.

The Lord is just moving through my heart with so much conviction about who I thought I was. For my bible study girls, this past week there was a woman that our bible study (Do you think I'm beautiful) mentioned:

The Church Lady.

Read closely the description of this woman:

"The church lady has a good heart. She is drawn to God and wants to serve Him out of gratitude. She wants to learn more about the One who has saved her. It's just that over time, more serving and more learning may become a checklist or a substitute for a deeper passion.....a doing instead of a becoming."

My heart stung when I read that.

Because, my friends, that is exactly who I have become. A doing-something for God rather than becoming-something for God. And for the past six months or so, I have felt like I was dying on the inside when the Lord showed us that our church home would be no more, I freaked. Because, church and "doing" church....that was all I knew.

I served.....that's what I did. And when there was no one to serve anymore and I was having to be the one served it was like my soul twisted and turned and I felt like I had been laid out to dry.

I have at times been miserable.

But all the while I have sought after the voice of God like never before. And He has told me to just be still....be still. Over and Over. To stop trying to jump into something new and let it fall from Him. That it's ok to say "no" and that if one door closes, it's for a divine purpose.

See, I think there are two types of women in the Christian community. Those that "make" God happen. And those that "wait" for God to happen. I have been both. And I think the "church lady" tends to fall into the category of "make it".

During this time the Lord has revealed so many things about who I thought I was. There were good things but there were also a lot of bad things. And this past Sunday I sat in a service where communion was held. It's been a long time since I had taken communion and to be honest, I had forgotten the way the effect that communion has on me. The humble pastor stood before his congregation and asked them to do like he was...examine our hearts.

Examining the heart, it's not easy. And it hurts. But the Lord showed me that the more I try to "make" Him put us in a church or "make" Him show me why all that has happened has or "make" Him move me to the next place...the more I am exactly that, The Church Lady.

I don't want to be her. I really don't. And I may constantly have to fight her off for the rest of my life. But I don't have this whole thing figured out and I probably never will. My faith, like yours...it's a process. It's a journey.

I have peace that I've never experienced before. I have an unexplainable joy that for example, if that book proposal I just poured my life into is rejected, then it will be ok. And if I never get asked to speak somewhere again, it will be ok. And even if I never become all I dream of being, it's ok. Because my passion has changed, and it's all about Him...all about Him.

Angela Thomas may never know what these closing words that she shared this week have changed my life. Forever.

"I pray that you are feeing the powerful tug of the Holy Spirit. That you sense God calling you toward becoming and balancing the call with all the doing that can so easily distract. May you desire the passionate life above all else."


Rebecca Jo said...

That makes so much sense... because as someone who loves God & gets into church - you do get caught up in serving & 'doing'... amazing insight on this topic!

Wylie said...

This is some profound stuff that shows that your heart is already being moved by the thing that move God's heart for you. We all have to examine the "church lady" in our hearts. I am leading Experiencing God starting in January & will be posting a lot about it. I recommend you read, or re-read t! It is all about listening for God, being still enough to understand where He is at work around you. Where He is inviting you to join Him - and joining! We miss out on blessings by just saying yes b/c we are supposed to say yes & supposed to serve. We need to always be sure we are not serving to be "churchy" and that there isn't flesh in it. There is good business, and then there is God business. I am learning how to give up the good business, for the God business! Remember that Satan wants us to be so covered up in our "churchiness" & be so "busy" that we are too busy to be effective in God's army. Satan loves an overcommitted church lady! Have a blessed Thanksgiving!

Sharon Brumfield said...

I didn't catch the other post....but I think this one hits the nail on the head.
I have been both ladies also. I remember those times of service when there was only one lady coming to Bible study. And I remember asking GOd why I was doing what I was doing. And He asked me...If it is only one will you still serve me?
From that point on God used that relationship in my life in a powerful was...and since we were both there just pursuing God..He showed up big time.
And then we came here...boy did I have some learning to do. He sat me down on my butt and every time I tried to "do" something....He told me to BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. Boy did that gripe me.
And I finally did sit...and then the teaching began.
There is some good stuff here girl. I have a few things like you that I have placed on the altar....a book, a ministry,and my teaching gift. Should He decide that He wants to use them for His glory....so be it. Sounds like you have come to the same spot.
What I do know....it that if the Spirit of the Lord is behind something...nothing will be able to stop it.
He is faithful to keep that which has been committed to Him!
Good stuff girl

ThreeGirlyGirls said...

Rebecca, It made so much sense to me too, it just opened up my eyes in a fresh new way. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. :)

Wylie, I have read that book and I LOVED it, but I need to read it again. Can't wait to hear what God does through your study! :) And I have see that it is a tool "The Church Lady" that Satan does use, and I don't want it anymore! Thanks for sharing!

ThreeGirlyGirls said...

Sharon, we are so much alike and the struggles that we have faced are very similar too. And I love what you said that if the spirit is doing it, nothing will stop it!! Amen girl. That is where I will place everything today. Thanks my friend! :)

imoomie said...

This is so good...I am excited for all God will reveal to you as you sit still.
It is a bit painful to face the things He is changing in us, but growing pains all so worth it!

ValleyGirl said...

It seems you and I are learning similar lessons these days. I pray He continues to transform us! (painful as that is sometimes!)

Rachel Clark said...

I too have been evaluating my life lately. I want all that I do to be for and about God. I was reading the other day and God convicted my heart to move in a direction that I stood clear of for three years. A long friendship painfully ended over harsh words. Since that time both of us have spoken once or twice politely. However, neither one of us had ever asked for forgiveness. Honestly, I never thought it should have been me. But, God told me to take the step and say 'sorry" and I did. I have yet to hear back from her in any way, and if I don't I am ok with that. God has given me a peace and the Lord showed me that night that it is about Him and not me. I am thankful for that. Praying for your journey. Thanks for sharing.

auburnchick said...

Oh my goodness!!!

What a wonderful post!

I think that after we take that step of accepting Christ's redemptive work, we DO get caught up in the doing, forgetting that we are still in the process of "becoming."

It's a difficult balance, isn't it? Especially for women, I think, who are used to doing.

Thanks for sharing your heart. Hugs to you, Sister in Christ.

ThreeGirlyGirls said...

thanks ya'll for sharing your thoughts on this...it is so difficult to find the balance. But thank goodness none of us are alone in this process! :)

Rachel I have been there and know what you mean. I am proud of you for taking that first step as hard as it is, you did the right thing.