Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The inner struggle.

Call the blogger record books, Nicki is posting three days in a row. ;)

Wow....I must have a lot to say these days. Or my husband is just working long hours and this blog seems to be my only ounce of sanity I can find in between the dreaded hours between dinner and bed-time with these girlys. One-sided conversations always lead to sanity right? {wink}

Today was week three of the bible study I've been leading here at my home.

And I must say, I had a tough time with this week. Why? Because unfortunately with a bible study called "Do You Think I'm Beautiful?"...there's talk of beauty, and body image and all those wonderful peachy things. {can you hear the sighs?}

It's frustrating for me. It is. Because so many times I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see.

My whole life I've been the "cute" girl. Never the beauty queen (NEVER) and never the girl that had that whole "I have my image thing" down. Image approval is a struggle.

It is.

But what I'm coming to find more that I struggle with is the approval of man. But not even the approval of man itself but God's approval THROUGH "man". ( do know that when I say "man" I mean all woman or man? K? K.)

Does that make a bit of sense?

Sometimes I feel like we know that God gives us His mark of approval no matter what but yet...we still struggle to find the mark of approval in all mankind. Whether it's a spouse, a boss, a friend, a mentor or a pastor....sometimes we just want someone to notice us and make us feel like what we do is good.

But, I'm convinced by living this out, I have the ability to make or break my life in Christ.

In fact, one of my most convicting verses of scripture that I have ever faced is this on:

"Do you think I speak this strongly in order to manipulate crowds? Or curry favor with God? Or get popular applause? If my goal was popularity, I wouldn't bother being Christ's slave."
-Galatians 1:10

It's a strong verse. It is.

But my conviction is stronger. Especially today.

May that inner struggle fade as I press through the screams of unbelief that I find in this world. May I continue to die to who I want to please and who I want to think highly of me and who I am friends with and realize that my goal is being a slave to....Him.

Pressing on through it all....

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