Tuesday, September 15, 2009

In the meantime.

So...I need to be honest for a second....I have had a hard time fully embracing this gig as stay at home mom. It's very hard when you are used to go, go, go and then it's like BOOM....it all has stopped. But I am slowly finding new things to get involved in but it's been a process.

Yes, I love having a clean home and being caught up on laundry.

Sure I'm way more excited about triple coupons than I have ever been because I will actually have the time to go and do it the right way. ;)

And I'm enjoying little projects here and there around the house. I do keep myself busy but there has been a part of me that has felt very empty lately.

Not having a new church home yet, living in a new neighborhood, the girls in a new school, a lot of old relationships changed, and still not hearing a WORD on that book proposal...it's hard. I'm not even going to fluff that up. When you feel so strongly that God opened the door up for something and yet you are still waiting for Him to say, "Now you may walk through this door.", it's a rough road some days.

I have really felt like I'm in a "in the meantime" land.

Is that even a real phrase or did I totally just make that up?

However, one of my favorite parts of my new gig as full time stay at home mom has been the mornings. Last year, I was always so rushed to get everyone up and dressed, lunches made and myself ready to go since I was working. It was utter chaos, every morning!

But this year, the mornings are really awesome. And I have come to look foreword to my time with just Taylor and Hope before they leave for school. We talk, we pray and we always read a devotion or passage of scripture. It's a great time for them to become prepared for the battle field in which they will walk through all day long.

This morning the girls and I were in 1 Kings chapter 3. We were reading about King Solomon and perhaps a time where he might have even felt like he was in a "in the meantime" land too.

Solomon was foolish in his marriages, had a lustful heart and was very materialistic. He was all that and more, there's no mistaking that.

But he had a heart that sought God's wisdom...always. In fact, his one request over and over to the Lord was that He would give him wisdom to understand his mind.

WOW...what a prayer that is, "Lord please help me to understand why this mind of mine can go a thousand different directions at one second!" Well...let's be honest, he was a man so it was probably only about five things at once...and that would be a stretch. {wink}

In fact in chapter 3 of 1 Kings, Solomon is crying out to the Lord, "...But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties.....So give your servant a discerning heart..."

Now....I tend to think that Solomon DID know how to carry out his duties. I mean, he had been at his gig for quite some time now. And things were happening....he married Pharaoh's daughter, he was building a palace, and Solomon was the king of sacrificing....mercy, was he sacrificing.

Obedience was happening. And obedience exceeds the blessing. Right?

So why was he asking God to do this?

I personally think it was because he felt a little like I do right now....in the middle of "in the meantime" land. Things were happening, prayers were being answered but there was still that something missing. Solomon was still seeking God on many things and in order to understand any of it, he needed wisdom.

And do you know what God did?

He gave it to him. Over and over and over.

And then He blessed him, over and over and over. But towards the end of Solomon's life, he didn't have this same heart. That's a whole different post. {sighs}

It makes me think of Psalms 145:18-19, "The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them."

So I know there could be perhaps just one other person who feels like I do right now...in the midst of "in the meantime". And may I always remember that this is a great place to be because it's the dawn of something new but it's the rise of total obedience to want to have wisdom in my heart.

There's a time, a place and a season for everything....and although I'm not crazy about the season of "in the meantime", I will embrace it and run through it, as hard as I can. So, instead of praying for this or that to happen...I am praying that He will make me wise in this season, so that when the choices come, I will know exactly what to do.

Pressing on through "in the meantime" today,


Unreasonable Grace said...

Having worked full time since graduating high school 32 years ago, I could use some of that "in the meantime" time! Can you pass it my way?
Sometimes I say I'd give my right arm to be a stay-at-home, but then I'd have to learn to write/type left-handed!
Enjoy this time, Nicki. Maybe you should write a bible study while you've got the time! I'd buy it!

JenB said...

All my friends are having really great attitudes about their "stuff" lately! What a blessing! Your "in the meantime" will probably be a great season of growth for you. Let's pray for that! Love you!
(Saw your hubby today at North.) :)

Alexis said...

Love, LOve, LOVe, LOVE this post! You are so encouraging girl. And honest...oh so honest.

Yes- it stinks being in "in the meantime land", but look how much God is showing you in the midst of it! I love that you aren't giving up and giving in to self-pity (like I am sometimes known to do!). Despite your frustrations and "bad days", you keep turning to the Father.

That, my friend, is beautiful.

You have inspired me to stop calling God "mean" in this time, and instead start pouring my heart out to Him so He can pour out His love ALL OVER my life.

You (and your words) have impacted my heart today. Know that I am praying for you and ALL that "in the meantime" stuff. :)

Melissa said...

The other day I had cleaned (some), done laundry (some), ran errands, and just did the normal stuff. When Steve got home he came in the office to check e-mails and I just wandered in. He said, "Now what are you doing?" I said, "I'm bored." It is really weird to go through the waiting times. I DOO get it!! Well, keeping your eyes on Jesus and choosing to be still (instead of Him MAKING you! ouch!) is always a good thing! :)

Jenny said...

Hi Niki,
In the meantime is rough! Right now, I'm trying to live in the "now" with faith.

I've been keeping up with you on Facebook, and you have had some exciting doors open up! I am so proud of you, and glad that I got to met you and spend time with you at the She Speaks!