Trust.

What a day it's been! What a week it's been!

I went back to the doctor this morning for another check up since my eye was not seeming to improve.

After much discussion between him and the other doctors they decided to take a closer look at my cat scan. There they discovered what looked like a pseudo tumor.

I know,..........A WHAT??

Scared, fearful and worried I drove my one-eyed self to get the girls to my mom and go to have another CT scan done. Kris quickly came with me and I got myself all IV'd up to get another CT scan. The nurse was very sweet and they really took their time to explain things to me.

A few hours later I received a phone call from my doctor confirming my worst fear, it was this tumor.

Thankfully Kris, my mom and dad were here when I got the news and my mom was able to talk me through things very good.

There are some huge positives to this whole ordeal.

1. My eye SHOULD start to feel better in just a few days. They have me on two antibiotics, a steroid, eye drops and pain meds. I will be on these meds for weeks but should be feeling better in a few days!!

2. It's very unlikely that this would turn into cancer. It has a chance of coming back once they shrink it, but that will be a road I will cross when I get there.

3. God is IN CONTROL. If I would not have had this infection this would not have shown up as quickly as it did.

I feel at peace. I will never ever ever ever EVER take my eye sight for granted. It's a blessing, not a guarantee!

I don't believe that this is some punishment, or something on my part as disobedience to God, I've already had that line sung to me and let me just boldly say, It's not the right thing to say to someone in this type of situation.

I believe that the Lord is going to use this in big ways. I already know that this doctor I'm seeing needs to know some JOY of Jesus and I will use this opportunity to share with him of the friends and believers I know are praying for me. I've already had many precious conversations in waiting rooms (mainly with elderly women) who have touched my heart in big ways.

The bad thing is there are some big side effects to these drugs I'm taking. For that I'm a little fearful but I know where to cast my fears aside and lay them down at His feet. He is here.

After my CT scan I had to go in the bathroom and fix my hair because they made me take it down, I KNOW, how dare them =),

As I was washing my hands and looking at my crazy looking face in the mirror, my eyes started to tear up as I thought about what could be ahead of me.

Taking the paper towel from the holder and wiping my hands, I looked at the trash can and there was a picture of a woman throwing her trash away and looking happy. I thought it was strange that this woman was happy to be throwing a paper towel away!!

But what it was a sweet reminder from my God to cast all my fears in the trash and move foreword in His love, His embrace and His tenderness. Happily.

That paper towel stayed there and so did my fears.

The bible verse for my life is and was and will always be:

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." -Psalm 20:7