Friday, September 26, 2008

Trust.

What a day it's been! What a week it's been!

I went back to the doctor this morning for another check up since my eye was not seeming to improve.

After much discussion between him and the other doctors they decided to take a closer look at my cat scan. There they discovered what looked like a pseudo tumor.

I know,..........A WHAT??

Scared, fearful and worried I drove my one-eyed self to get the girls to my mom and go to have another CT scan done. Kris quickly came with me and I got myself all IV'd up to get another CT scan. The nurse was very sweet and they really took their time to explain things to me.

A few hours later I received a phone call from my doctor confirming my worst fear, it was this tumor.

Thankfully Kris, my mom and dad were here when I got the news and my mom was able to talk me through things very good.

There are some huge positives to this whole ordeal.

1. My eye SHOULD start to feel better in just a few days. They have me on two antibiotics, a steroid, eye drops and pain meds. I will be on these meds for weeks but should be feeling better in a few days!!

2. It's very unlikely that this would turn into cancer. It has a chance of coming back once they shrink it, but that will be a road I will cross when I get there.

3. God is IN CONTROL. If I would not have had this infection this would not have shown up as quickly as it did.

I feel at peace. I will never ever ever ever EVER take my eye sight for granted. It's a blessing, not a guarantee!

I don't believe that this is some punishment, or something on my part as disobedience to God, I've already had that line sung to me and let me just boldly say, It's not the right thing to say to someone in this type of situation.

I believe that the Lord is going to use this in big ways. I already know that this doctor I'm seeing needs to know some JOY of Jesus and I will use this opportunity to share with him of the friends and believers I know are praying for me. I've already had many precious conversations in waiting rooms (mainly with elderly women) who have touched my heart in big ways.

The bad thing is there are some big side effects to these drugs I'm taking. For that I'm a little fearful but I know where to cast my fears aside and lay them down at His feet. He is here.

After my CT scan I had to go in the bathroom and fix my hair because they made me take it down, I KNOW, how dare them =),

As I was washing my hands and looking at my crazy looking face in the mirror, my eyes started to tear up as I thought about what could be ahead of me.

Taking the paper towel from the holder and wiping my hands, I looked at the trash can and there was a picture of a woman throwing her trash away and looking happy. I thought it was strange that this woman was happy to be throwing a paper towel away!!

But what it was a sweet reminder from my God to cast all my fears in the trash and move foreword in His love, His embrace and His tenderness. Happily.

That paper towel stayed there and so did my fears.

The bible verse for my life is and was and will always be:

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." -Psalm 20:7

18 comments:

ValleyGirl said...

Oh wow, Nicki. Wow. What an incredibly unsettling day. You will be in my thoughts and prayers and hopefully, your eye will be back to its beautiful self in very short order. Your attitude is downright inspirational ~ God is already using this in a big way.

MelanieJoy said...

Nicki, I'll be praying for you! Your positive spirit is so uplifting to hear. Hugs...

Michelle said...

You are in my prayers Nicki. Keep us all updated!
Hugs,
Michelle

Kay Martin said...

Nicki, what a shock for you. I think I told you 12 years ago we went through a traumatic ordeal with our only daughter. She had 2 brain tumors within a year. The MRI didn't line up with what God showed a woman praying continually for our daughter. The wonderful prayers were answered. OUr daughter is fine and I never, never take things for granted.

God will bless you and yours amazingly in all of this. I know it's a path I can only imagine ('cause it's your path)but God loves you so and He will show you things in this place you could only know while in it.

I am praying for a beautiful end of all of this. No side affects from medications and you eye working better than before this assault. LOrd, shrink anything that interferes with my precious beautiful wonderful friend's life. She has so much to give to her family and she is a vital humble servant in YOur Kingdom. I thank You for all You've done; all You're doing and I praise You for the nuggets of gold that You will give her as she walks through this with thanksgiving on her lips.AMEN

I love you Nicki.

Amy E. said...

Hey Nicki,
Sorry, I didn't read this before I emailed you.

Your attitude IS inspirational, and it just adds to your testimony of how God has worked, and will continue to work in your life.

When I was so down about us moving, Donna Fugarino sent me a card and had written 1 Sam 17:22 in it - "Then David left his baggage in the care of the baggagekeeper." I can't tell you how much that meant to me and I've reminded myself of that verse every day....to leave my baggage in the care of the One who wants to carry it for me.
I'm praying you'll let Him carry it for you too....tis so sweet to trust in Jesus!!
Praying for you, sweet friend!

MiMi said...

Oh, NIcki, I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through this! I have never heard of a pseudo tumor, but I am thankful that your doctors decided to take a closer look at your cat scan.

I will be praying for your healing and that you will have none of the side effects that can be associated with the meds you're taking.

Praying for you,
emilie

My Army Brats and Me said...

Praying for you Nicki

Love Cindy

JenB said...

My word, Nicki, I don't even know what to say! What a terrific attitude you have. I'll be praying for you.

Joyful said...

Wow Nicki, what an ordeal. So thankful they have diagnosed it now and that you are receiving help. I will be praying that these meds will be used to provide the healing, with no side effects, and that this will not reoccur.

May His peace that passes understanding surround you.

Love & prayers,
Joy

Cindy said...

Nicki,
I am so sorry to hear that you are facing this trial in your young life. I am more sorry to hear about what someone said to you ~ how wrong they were ~ it would help it they read the part of the Bible which speaks about some things happening in people's lives so that GOD would be glorified.
I don't believe God did this to you as much as some things just happen. But God will walk with you and be glorified. I can already see that in your post.
I will begin praying for you and your sweet family.
Blessings for a glorious Sunday.
Cindy

Jamie @ Purposeful Pursuit said...

Oh my, I am so sorry that you are going through this! You've got such a great heart...God has already used you to be an inspiration to me. I'll be praying for you! Please keep us updated.

Faith said...

Oh Nicki, I am praying for you! I am so thankful for the peace that God has given you, and I pray it will remain as you put your trust in Him. He is worthy!

Tracy @ our Journey said...

Prayers coming your way....

Amy L Brooke said...

Hard stuff but glad that it isn't likely to be cancer. I will pray for you!

Anonymous said...

Nicki, I will be praying for you. God will see you through this. Keep being positive and let me know if I can help you in anyway. Sheila Dye

Anonymous said...

You are in my thoughts and heart. One day at a time.

Love
Aunti

On Purpose said...

All I can say after reading this post...is that you are the most precious sweet and beautiful daughter of God. For your are the APPLE of His eye. You have your trust right where it needs to be. For you are strong because you are asking for Him to be strong through you. I am praying for you Nicki! I love you! I know God has blessed me and many others through you! I know He will continue to bless us through you. I am praying for you to stay in His arms during this season, and allow yourself to be weak so He can be strong.

Love to you and prayers to Him!

Speaking Thru Me Ministries said...

sweet friend - i didn't know. this blogging break has me not very caught up!! I am sorry to hear this, but will put you on my prayer board and THEN pray for you!!! Love you much. WIsh i could be there to help!! Love, Leigh