Thursday, February 07, 2008

God has just shook my little world

I have been gone all day, and normally I wouldn't blog at this time of day.......but I just HAD to come on here and share what God has done the past two days.

Life hasn't been easy, choices haven't been clear......but a heart that longs for obedience......that's what has been happening here. I quit my job last night...........I quit while dragging my feet, screaming in my soul, and crying out NNNNOOOOOO. Lord, PLEASE don't take this job is finally been a place where I have felt successful, good at something and just a great way for me to help Kris out..........or so I thought. In fact, it turns out, I've actually put our budget in the HOLE with this job. The company is seriously messed up........paychecks NEVER right, NO W-2's, NO training.......poor managment........But I was pretty blind, you know I like to think the best of everyone!!!

But last night.........God said, "No more." He made it VERY clear to me and Kris that this was not the right place for me to be. After a seriously stressed out week and an uneasy spirit.......I sent that e-mail last night just KNOWING that they were going to fight to keep me. Because I KNOW right??? WRONG. My boss could have cared less. No apologies, no promises, no........nothing. Just, "Oh well, have a nice life." My spirit was crushed, and I was very weak last night. It just really STINKS when you put your all into something........however, I cannot work for free, no matter how much I LOVED my job.......I cannot do it.

And you know what? God had already prepared me for this! He had already said to me last week........"This will be no more." In fact on last Thursday, I felt like God said to me, "Leave your badge on that desk, this will be no more." And I totally DID NOT listen........Like "Whatever!" This is the greatest job EVER. And then, yesterday after a very inspiring conversation with my super sweet friend, we were discussing obedience at ALL soon as I hung up that phone God got serious with me.......He said "YOU ARE NOT IN OBEDEINCE MY CHILD"........I continued to ignore it. Yes I am, I'm doing "good" things Lord. See God....... And through a series of events that evening........the Lord revealed to me once and for all that job was not the right place for me. And IT KILLED ME.

So, I took a deep sigh this morning..........and started about my day, not knowing where it would lead. However, lead it did...........and God shook my world once again.........the Lord revealed to Kris and my mom that I was supposed to go to the She Speaks conference......since I didn't get the scholarship......I felt like perhaps it just wasn't my time yet. Well, apparently the Lord thinks differently. SOOOOO......... after an encouraging talk with my mom and Kris, I am registering!!! I am TOTALLY walking by Faith through this too.......I'm scared, I'm fearful, but I am SO EXCITED I want to shout it out!! if THAT was not enough.........God showed up again.

First, the biggest thing about my quitting my job was that I was like, "Lord, I am going to be so lonely again." (Because ya'll know my neighbors are SO FRIENDLY) And God said, "No your not, GEMS is today." (GEMS is a mom's group at our church) So, I went and I just had the best time, laughing and talking with other mom's.

AND THEN........I was picking up Hope and Kennedy from pre-school and saw two good friends and we decided to hit the playground for a little bit before carline. Well, one of my friends says to me, " you have the book "God calling"?" And ya'll.......Valarie over at Val's walk of Faith is FORVER talking about this book......and so many times I have said, I HAVE TO GET THAT BOOK, but it's just never crossed my heart or mind when I'm ordering a new book. WELL, God had different plans.......I said, "No, but I need to get it." she said, "Hold on........I was praying and asking God who to give this book to and He said you." I almost lost it RIGHT THERE. My emotions are already so on my sleeve today but I was just in awe.......

So, as I'm sitting in carline I just happened to pick up the book and said, "Ok Lord, let's see what this is all about." Well, I just about had myself a revival sitting in that van!!! I wanted to go tap on the car in front of me and say, "Excuse me will you just jump up and down with me??" But I'm afraid this woman would've been like "HUH???"........So anyways....... I see what all the fuss is about!! I won't write the whole thing out but the last sentance that captured my heart said this, "Remember, trembling heart, that with God, to hear is to answer. Your prayers, and they have been many, are answered." I had to LAUGH at the last part because ya' prayers HAVE BEEN MANY lately. And this prayer of "obedience" whew it's a tough one. But, this book is so right.......God did answer, and He is listening!

I don't know what God has in store....I just know that I was supposed to quit my job and I'm supposed to go to the She Speaks conference and walk in obedience. I don't have all the details worked out yet, but I know they will come. So IF I come on here and have some crazy new job idea.......WILL SOMEONE PLEASE SMACK ME......any takers?? =) hee.

Well, I just had to tell you all this, while it was fresh on my soul.........and fresh it is! It's an awesome day and I'd love to hear how you have experienced God today..........I hope you have had a blessed day, I know I have. God shook my little world and I went with it. What a concept..........=)

SPELL CHECK IS STILL NOT WORKING, no fooling you again today!!! Oh my......someone help this blogger out!!


Grandma Mimi said...

Hi Nicki..this is your mom. I know God has some wonderful things in store for you. I will never forget when you left on the Mission trip for Africa when you were in High School. As you were walking down the walk way God very clearly told me this would not be the last time you would do this. You have the gift of evangalism and a passion for our Lord. There is such a huge need for women reaching out to women in places that are real in our lives. God has already used you and I know is going to bless your socks off!

Where can I go to help off set the cost of this conference? I believe in you and can't wait to see what God is going to do.

Love Mom

ValleyGirl said...

It is absolutely incredible to see how God is working and speaking in your life! No wonder your posts are always overflowing and I get the feeling you're thinking so much faster than you can type the words! (there, that's what you can blame all future spelling problems on!)

Sharon said...

How cool to see a note from your Mom.
They often see things in that others do not.
I am glad you are back on tract.
I will keep a "smack, smack" in storage just in case I need it in the future. :)
You are learning. We talked about this in group last night. Sometimes the trail of evidence concerning our learning is so tiny that even we miss it if God does not reveal it to us.
So from what I know you are getting ready in the near future to retake this test. We want to see a big "P" for pass on this one. :)
Maybe this conference will be the test. A test to see if the details left in His hands will all "Work out".
We also talked abut this last night. How so many of us have a problem with fear--because our faith in God has not been perfected yet. That fear is like a tree and its roots. Many times God cuts the thick roots first and we breathe a huge sigh of relief. But then situations pop up and we feel that old fear again. Not to worry--it is just God reveling those small roots that He wants to spray with root killer. :)
Thank you for walking it our here with the mask off. We ladies in the body of Christ need to see that we are not the only ones with a little fear in our inner man.
But THANK GOD He promises not to stop until the job is done!
I'll do some jumping with you on that truth!

Valarie said...

I told you Girl, that book is something! It's something because it's the Word of God just written in the form of an actual love letter. I JUST LOVE IT! I'm still putting your name in the drawing so you can give it to someone else!! SHARE THE LOVE BABY!!!!! YAY GOD!!!!!!!!!

PS You find me in carline girl. You know I'll get out and jump up and down with you ANYTIME!!!!;-)

freetofly said...

Nicki, 1st of all your Mama rocks! Way to go Mom! That's the kind of Mom I hope & pray to be!

2nd thing is Girl! Make that a " Guurrrlllll! What you say"?! I can talk this with you! I was a CAREER woman when God got hold of me! And I have LOTS of friends who are WONDERFUL Christians & CAREER women! But, God had other plans for me! I have several years under my belt of God providing for us and keeping us and also providing for us through my husband. I'm much better now than I was 1 yr ago, and much better than 2 or 3 years ago. But, I still catch myself thinking, "I could do this, or that just this little thing & help out." But, I have discovered that for this season at home is where God has for me to be. And because of that, I can pray & believe for him to help, guide and provide for our family, its every need. And I pray for my husband, to be known in the gates, to have wisdom, favor and opportunity to hunger and thirst for righteousness...He doesn't disappoint!

Be careful, Nicki, those thoughts are sneaky! :) See, people like you & I , we KNOW how to provide for ourselves, but God wants us to KNOW how to let God & let our husbands provide for us. That is MUCH harder for us! He wants us help our spouses and children be all that they can be, in a different way than we were able to before...

I hope this is Ok. Career is great, staying home is great. But the best place is where God calls you to be at any particular season!

Listen to your Mother! She sees the great things God has put inside you! That is something that doesn't always happen!

God bless you & your family during this time! With much faith & hope, much favor & much wisdom!

Stephanie said...

Hi Nicki,
Wow, how blessed you are. God has so many gifts for you. You have touched so many peoples lives, and there are so many more to come. So God bless you and everything you do, and I can't wait until the bible study starts.


Kim said...

Okay girl, I am back in blog land..pop on the post for your wonder you are such a sweet mama to your get it honest! See you in carline.

BunnyGirl said...

That must have been so tough, to take that step of obedience but great that God is speaking to you so clearly. Really pray that God will open up the new road to you soon.