Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Confidence........PLEASE

Well, there's nothing like a Dr.Phil show to make you, you know feel.........worthless. Occasionally after all the girly's are tucked in fast asleep I make an effort to watch him, especially if there's something on that catch's my attention. Perhaps you saw this episode as well? It was the one where they were talking about destructive Teens and parents who were out of control.

At one part of the show Dr.Phil's wife, Robin comes up on the stage to sit next to the troubled teen.......now I will say, I totally agree that this poor boy had lot's of issues and he was desperately trying to tell his parents what's up, and they continued to make excuse after excuse for the way he was. When in reality Dr.Phil explained that all of this boy's problems were from them. Robin continued to hold this young man's hand and tell him and the parents how she NEVER ONCE raised a voice or ugly tone to her two boys. All she ever told them was how precious, and sweet and loved they were.

............(slience)....................................................(for a long time)

And then, Dr.Phil went on to tell this momma that she has some kinda disorder to make her react that way to her son. Now.........I agree TOTALLY that she perhaps needs some help (don't we all).......and doesn't need to cuss her son out and flip out the way she does. But, I started to cry.......and I will be totally honest, I HAVE yelled at my girls. In fact, I'd say a good yelling happens about once a week around here. I have never called them names or talked down to them.....or said a swear word to them.......but yes, I have yelled. Oh dear........here we go. There are times when the "niceness" just wears off, and things need to get done and places have to be getting to. And sometimes, at least with my girly's.........the "Dear......we need to get our shoes on pretty please" (cue Mrs.Cleaver) just doesn't work around here!!

Maybe, it's the fact that I grew up with a dad who was a die hard foot-ball coach......he drilled those boys and he drilled us. And I'm not saying anything bad about my dad, he was and is a great dad.......he just, you know.......yelled. It was how he got things done! It's just in his blood.

So as I layed my yelling little head down to sleep that night......dreams of my future on the Dr.Phil show filled my head! Oh my.........the next day I mentioned all this madness to Kris to get his reaction and it was "WHAT???" (no joke intended) he hee! Because I know running all serious mother matters by him is the first place to start. So then I asked my best friend about it.......because she's you know......a MOM. She and I talked for a while and agreed that perhaps yelling is damaging to our kids......because if Dr.Phil says it, IT'S TRUE.

But, I realized something HUGE yesterday.......it was one of those "a ha" moments I tend to have, weekly, daily, hourly and momentarily. (I'm a blond, well at heart at least) I have totally and I mean TOTALLY been under some major attack as I've been preparing my heart for the motherhood part of the bible study I will lead in March at our church. Although, it's been fun researching and talking to different people about what works and what doesn't work......I wonder if God used Dr.Phil to get a message out to ME. (The Lord works in mysterious ways!!!)

Although I will be the first one in a crowd to stand up and say, "I DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT have this mommyhood thing figured out yet! NOR will I EVER most likely". So a lot of the tweaking that has been going on has been my own life.........preparing me for MY future. Helping me see what God has for His family, his girls, his husband.......all that his has loaned to me during this time on earth. Well, needless to say, I began to lack in the confidence department and there was NO ONE around to pull me through!!!

It was just me.......and God........working this out. My thoughts were, "Lord, do I need to seek professional help??? Am I going to end up on the Dr.Phil show one day because I yelled at my kids?" His sweet reply was.........."No Nicki........your not going to end up on the Dr.Phil show because of that." (hee hee, get it? because of THAT) "But you'd better figure out how to speak gently to other's at ALL times, because this is how I intend for you to be. After all you have six eyes watching you and how you treat them and other's is how they will treat other's and their husbands one day." OUCH........... "They are watching how you treat that rude person at the grocery store who cut in front of you, how you react when things start to fall apart, how you speak to your husband, how you speak to them, how you correct them, how you love them, how you discipline them, how you teach them.......those eyes are always watching and those ears are always listening, even when you think they are fast asleep.....they are not."

Being the obedient and humble servant......I am not..........I quickly said back to the Lord, "BUT GOD.......How will the HEAR me???" I'm quite sure at this moment as the Lord sat upon his throne speaking to me so graciously he MUST have rolled his eyes and taken deep sighs.......here we go again..........."Do I EVER yell at you?" I thought........well, no you don't. In fact when you speak to me it is often through the wind........as a gentle breeze........."gentle".

Then being the sweet God He is to me.......he reminded me of this scripture, "Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience." Yes, I would say those are some big traits a momma needs to carry close to her heart, daily.

So as you can imagine, after this oh so humbling ONCE AGAIN experience, my confidence began to lack. (Cue the ENEMY) Yes, when God speaks there will be another voice that will want to be oh so contrary to what we have heard. But we must stand firm, and KNOW that God is speaking.......and we must obey. "Get it right Nicki, I've got other things to do through you." That's what He keeps reminding me over and over.

So as challenged as I like to be.........I am giving myself a challenge..........I will desperately TRY my ever so hardest to not ONCE, hear me, not ONCE yell at these girly's this whole week. Lord help me.........even when I find gum on my bed, goldfish in the toilet, toothpaste all over my good towels, shoes left outside in the mud, sassy attitudes, fights galore and ears that just DON'T HEAR.........I will NOT yell. I will be gentle and kind, in everything I say and do. So if you go to my church and hear my yelling down the halls "KKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNEDDDDDDDDDDY GET BACK HERE NOW!!!" Please oh so gently, remind me to NOT YELL. =) Anyone else want to take on this challenge with me??? Have a blessed day!!

11 comments:

Sharon said...

Dropping in to say Hi!
I'll come back to read later.
Keith is home because of the rain.
Take a deep breath and repeat 5 times-Dear God let your will be done :)

nanatrish said...

Nicki..not that I am saying do as I have done because I yelled when my daughter was growing up, but what jumped out at me was that you are beating yourself up. I think it would be wonderful not to ever yell, but do I think it's totally realistic?..NO. Robin McGraw is not the perfect mother. We just don't know her 24/7 like we know ourselves. You are raising the girls to do the right thing, teaching them about the Lord and from what I've seen on your blog, I would say you are VERY concerned about being a loving mother. If this is any comfort..My 35 year old turned out just fine, is a great mother herself, and is a hard worker and responsible. No, she's not perfect, but I don't think yelling was the most horrible thing in the world. As long as you are saying lots of loving,kind things most of the time, you are doing great. I know that I've never even met you but don't beat yourself up. That's your most tender area, I would suspect, motherhood and I think doubting yourself is a very common thing. You have a huge job bringing up 3 precious girls and I imagine you are doing a super job. Yelling sometimes or not. I love your family picture. I know someone is thinking I'm wrong in saying yelling is not that bad, but I say..We won't be perfect until we get to heaven.

Nicki said...

Thanks for your uplifiting words Trish.....I appreciate them so much!!! I think you are right, I do doubt myself as a mother and one of my biggest fears is to mess up as a mom....so maybe I came across a little negative??? Sorry!! Didn't mean for this post to be that way! Thank you for your comments! It's good to get to know you more!!

Sharon said...

See I said I would come back.:)
I have soooooo been here. And yes, God had to deal with me about it. Michael drove me to the edge so often. It was his ADHD and having to say things over and over again. The list of reasons could go on and on. Yes, Mom was a yeller too. Funny thing--I don't remember it.
But I understand.
He will help. And He will help you train your girls in the way they should go so that in the end they won't follow in the family tradition. ;)
Now I keep my voice down--I just have to work on the attitude of my heart. It never ends. He gets the outside cleaned up and then He goes in. UGH! But....it is all good! I keep telling myself that. :)

Kim said...

Nikki,
Have you ever thought about this - Robin McGraw didn't have to yell because wise Daddy Phil was available most of the time to discipline them as well. :)
So glad you are planning to lead a study in March. I will be praying for you.

Leigh Gray said...

Nicki - I will take on the challenge as well. I come from yellers and have been known to yell many times before. I am loud to begin with and yelling just comes natural - sports i guess. But i do hear what He is saying to you and will take the challenge myself!!

love you heart!!! Leigh

nanatrish said...

Nicki, I hear where you are coming from with saying, you are afraid you will mess up being a good mom.I have gone through some times when I have dealt with spending enough time with my daughter and questioning if I showed her a good enough Christian example. You know what I feel now...if I was concerned about it I must have been trying my best. I think the folks that are not thinking about it are usually not trying so hard anyway. Don't be anxious about anything. That is where I want to be but, unfortunately, it seems like my personality kicks in and away I go. I have to constantly remind myself that the Lord is taking care of everything and He doesn't need me worrying and making myself sick on top of all the challenges. I am so glad you are responding and someday I look forward to meeting you. later. Nana Trish

LeAnne said...

Hey! I just looked at my not-so-current blog and found your comments so I came on over to check yours out. I need to update mine really bad but I'm trying to keep up around the house with a 23 mo old son and a new born! Its funny that I found your latest post cuz I just had a TIME with my oldest one a while ago. I dont think I yelled, but my volume was up a bit. It's something to think about...especially the part about God speaking gently to us. I want to be a good mom through the good and the testy times!

Nicki said...

Trish, Thanks so much! I hope one day we can meet!! You never know when out paths might cross!!!

Leanne, thanks for stopping by!! I'll come back later to your blog as well. I know how crazy life is with little ones andyou certianly have your hands FULL!!!

freetofly said...

Nicki, I found you from Sharon's blog. She is a great and Godly lady!

I was browsing & 1st - you have a beautiful family & home! God has truly blessed you! I LOVE your breakfast nook!

Ok, now, I am a reformed hollerer (is that a word?)..I am 42 and didn't get saved until 29...so you see, you are way ahead of me...God so graciously dealt with me a couple of ways..1) He dew my attn to a woman at work, that clearly never, ever, ever raised her voice, and I asked her one day about handling things (that require hollering) at home...she left any hollering to her hubby, the Dad...when I said, but don't you find that to be harsh at times (the way a Dad will holler), I always want to interven when that happens..she said no, they can handle it & it is actually good for them once in a while...well the conversation & her example of communicating stayed with me, then God used the 2nd thing, which was my husband...If I was at one end of the house getting ready for church or work and them for school, I would consider hollering that I was almost ready to walk out the door, and they better be ready, (my most efficient form of communicating to them!Ha! :)) When my husband started saying - what are we the Hollerheads? I knew this must go! So, between these two things, God helped me determine to lower me voice when I need their attention and to leave the room and go say what I needed them to hear...

Don't be harsh on yourself, God is faithful to gently correct, and then when He does, that mean His grace is ready and waiting for us to start cooperating with Him...

Parenting is hard enough without caring what on earth Robyn Mcgraw did or didn't do...you go to the Word, and your heart, forget the rest....

all of our parents hollered at us, and it didn't hurt us any!

Ok, this was too long, & I am sorry, but I had to reach out to a sister mom! & a sister hollerhead! It's gonna be all good, you will see! Tell the enemy to shut-up! & then praise God for His faihfullness!

It's great to meet you!
Maria

Nicki said...

Maria, You are a hoot! I'm so glad to meet you too! I'm going to pop over to your blog to say that though! Thanks for this....it was very true and good! =)