Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Is it 24/7?

Today I'm really struggling with my relationship with God that is 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. I'm very obedient to get up each morning and find some time alone with him, but to be honest, I don't feel like I'm spending near enough time with Him, my soul is just craving more and more quality time with Him. I think about people like Joyce Meyer, or Beth Moore who say repeatedly that they spend hours dwelling in His presence. Now, I understand that they don't have little ones running around their feet all day, but they are still busy women. How they find the time to do that I'm not sure. But somehow I realize more than ever right now, that I have got to fill myself with the Lord a lot more than I do now. There are so many mystery's of God that I long to discover on my own, not reading someone else's words, but digging through scripture myself and seeing exactly what God is revealing to me......personally.

This is hard this morning........I'm struggling to find the words to describe what I feel God is pressing on my heart. I don't want to be anyone else, I want to be Nicki, and I feel like the more and more I read and figure things out on my own, the more I am going to become the person that Christ has intended me to be. When I first told someone who I considered a friend, that I was writing a bible study the first time, this person said "oh, your just like so in so"..........I was crushed, no, I'm not like so in so, I'm just like me. When I'm asked a question, I don't want to think back to a sermon I heard or bible study I did (not that there's ANYTHING wrong with that), but I want to be able to think back to a quite time I had, where God spoke to me.......just me. What He reveals to me is going to stick more. I want to know where I stand on everything based through God's scripture and His precious words that he speaks to me. I think that it's important to fill our souls with messages from others, it brings new insight and knowledge......but I think it's way more important to see God for who He is to me personally. I think it's good to have people to look up to and I have many of those, but I just really want to be me.

I want my heart to be filled with the knowledge of the people from the bible, but so much of that bores me......just to be honest. What I love about my relationship with Christ is the hope, the grace, the mercy and oh the forgiveness that He brings me each day, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, not just in the morning. But I realize that I need to understand the ways of many great hero's of the bible to use as examples to follow.

I'm not sure where this is all going this mind is all over the place. Something that happens quite often in my head!!! =) Maybe this verse sums up my heart this morning, Psalm 19:14, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer." Yes Lord, may all the words of my mouth and heart be focused on you alone, YOU are my ROCK, and MY Redeemer, and I love you Father.

Things are still ok around here, we've had a few bumps in the road, but I hope that it will stay smooth. We still aren't getting a lot of sleep with that Kennedy! She was up VERY early this morning, but I think it's ok. I talked to my brother yesterday, he sounded really good. It's so good to hear his voice cheerful again. I know God is doing a big work in his personal life right now!

Enjoy this day, it's a going to be HOT here! Have a blessed one!

Walking by Faith and not by Sight,

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Although I am not ready for school to end - I have too much left to teach my babies - I am looking forward to unlimited time with God. No rushing through a devotion at my desk or falling asleep at the computer at night because I used up all of my best energy at school. I have recently fallen asleep with the laptop in my lap - waking at 3:00 am in the club chair stiff as can be. It is so refreshing knowing that time is near....I am praying that you guys find a house soon and that you somehow find a way to enjoy this "season of your life." God has a plan for you! See you at the Mother's Day Tea on Friday! Have a great day in Jesus!

Kim Staples