Friday, February 16, 2007

Has my call changed?

I realize that there may be people who read this blog who may wonder what a "call" on your life is. A "call" on your life is when you know God has assigned a specific task for your life. For example, missionaries, preachers, teacher, ext.....they all have experienced a call on their lives at some point.

I too have experienced a call on my life many times. I continually feel the Holy Spirit pushing me in a certain direction for the rest of my life. However, I'm faced with two obstacles. 1. My husband does not feel he has a calling on his life....yet 2. I'm now a mom with three little ones who I can't just say, "See ya!" too. I knew that I had this call on my life to be a missionary since I was in high school. In fact, I went on several mission trips during high school. One was to Africa (which was just awesome) and one was to Jordan, yes Jordan! I have to be honest, the trip to Africa was more life changing than the trip to Jordan. I think simply because I wasn't with my friends, in fact there was only one other girl my age and we ended up not getting along to well, something I deeply regret.

But what I realized in Africa and even what I realize today, is that I love people. I long for people to know and love Christ the way I do. Not that any part of my walk with Christ is perfect, not even close, but I long to lead people to him. I've participated in many "outreach" things and unfortunately I have allowed these little girly's to become an excuse for not doing more. Granted my time is very limited as all mom's are, but I still could serve in many more ways than I do now.

This morning I woke up after a LONG night with Kennedy....I don't know what is up with that girl, she's either spoiled rotten or something hurts, she only stopped crying when I would hold her every night this week. Sleeping with a 13month old, isn't exactly fun....anyways, when I woke this morning, I came downstairs and it was like all of the sudden this urgency came over me. I felt my spirit saying, Oh Lord, step me up to the next level, please! Take me to that next place in my life. Use me in a big way. Now, I know that more than anything right now these girls are my mission field. I know that I will never get these days back and I know that each day I have the ability to make an eternal impact on their lives both good and bad. But, I don't believe that is my only mission field.

Then, here comes Satan right along with this breakthrough........"well you live to far away from the church to participate in more things.......yada yada yada..." Yes, it is a lot of driving living out here, and that is why we want to live closer to the church. But, in the meantime what do I do? What do I do with this calling on my life? And then I got it. I pour myself into others. I let down this guard of fear of rejection and I go on with life. I'm always afraid to invite people over and invite people to go do things for fear of rejection. But let's face it, I'm going to be rejected, how many times was Christ rejected???? Oh my!!! And then another thought comes along........with pouring myself into others, I realize it's not always going to be people that I just love to be around. I can think of one person right now on my heart that I know she needs to be loved on, even though many have rejected her. You see, God using me isn't about a popularity contest. It's not about who I'm friends with and who I'm not! It's about who I'm loving and who I SHOULD be loving more.

It's not even about being more "busy" goodness, I don't think I can take on a whole lot more on my plate than I already have, and I don't think that's what God wants, for us to be "busy". I think that He wants us to be "full" so full that we our pouring our extras into others, and yes that may require some "busyness" (if that's even a word!)

Well on a totally different subject, I got a couple of e-mails about why I didn't post what Kris did for Valentines. One reason was, I was reading a couple blogs that I really enjoy reading and the comments from Valentines day weren't exactly upidy up! SO I don't want to brag or as my friend Leigh would say, "toot my horn", but the first thing was my favorite coffee. THEN I got home and had a Pajama Gram sitting by the front door. Have you ever seen these??? They are SO cool, you get some really fancy pj's in a sweet box with all these cute little stuff......but I think my hubby, bless his heart, thinks I'm smaller than I am, b/c the pj's were a little snug! But I LOVED THEM!!! It was so sweet and SO thoughtful!!! Then, later that day he came home and gave me a black had in it a pearl necklace that I've been wanting for a very long time. It was beautiful!! And he really spent a lot of time researching pearls and knowing more about them. It was all VERY sweet!! Then we ended the night with oh so romantic dinner at......CiCi's pizza!!! =) It's where the girls wanted to go and we had a coupon worked!! We had our nice dinner out on Saturday so this was just for the girls!

Ok, this is a super long entry today, sorry, but real quick, my interview went great,thanks to everyone who's asked and prayed about it!! I should find something out today......ha ha, ya we'll see!!! Last time it was three weeks and the time before that it was almost a month!! But, I'm so not worried about it, my mind is elsewhere today, I'm so thankful for that!! Well, I'd better go and let you be! I know you're tired of reading! Have a very blessed day!!!

No comments: