Wednesday, January 24, 2007

This is getting old.

I have to say I'm just about "over" these kids being sick and waking up at all hours of the night. I know that sounds horrible to say that, but ya'll I'm sick and tired of this. This bug that has hit our house is just awful. Last night Kennedy was back up with a fever at least four times. Hope is still home sick today so that means no pre-school again. I'm tired of being stuck at home and I'm just plain tired.......ok there, I vented! So many times I read other people's blogs and they are oh so positive about parenting, it seems like they never feel the way that I do. And I think that is great but these past two weeks, I have been pushed to my limit. I am a very compassionate, caring person, but when these girls get sick for this long, it gets to be pretty hard night after night while my husband snoozes away. (that's a whole different topic) Like everything is starting to get to me. A friend of mine really made me so angry the other day, and I almost called her and told her what I really thought of her!! (that's not like me and I didn't do it)But at least I didn't call another friend and tell her what I thought about this friend! (gossip) Then, I almost called this recruiter about this job and told her I'm done waiting. It's getting to the point of being insane now. (but I didn't) Then Kris comes home last night and has this idea that he is going to work part-time at the fire department to make extra money! (his childhood dream!) I almost told him where he could take that idea! (but I didn't) Why is it that nothing around me seems to be making any sense! Has everyone in my life gone crazy or am I to the point of break down???

I think there's a saying or at least there should be saying that if everyone around you seems to being going crazy, you must be! I know it's just been a rough couple of weeks and I know life could be so much worse. I know I have so much to be thankful for and I know I have so much to praise God for. But boy does my heart need to be re-newed today. I need my heart to be full of joy and praise and not full of frustrations and anger. My girls can't help it that they are sick........I know that. And I really do feel bad for them. But oh just the uncertainty that I have facing before me about where are we going to live, where am I going to work, how is this all going to work out??? And this hasn't been going on for like a day or two........it's going on almost a month now since I interviewed. God MUST have something big just around the corner and I know He says He will never allow us to go through more than we can handle. I'm just about there. I'm sure you too have felt this way before and you can relate.

Maybe the girls and I will go for a long drive today, since that's just about all we CAN go do since they are both sick. Just to get outta here! I found a verse that is helping me get through this period of waiting. Jeremiah 6:16 "This is what the Lord says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls." I feel like I've been standing at a crossroad for almost a month now, waiting for God to show me which way I should go. I've sought wise council about all this, I've prayed, I've laid it down. I've pushed the door, I've put my "feet to faith". But yet I stand still once again. I'm ok with that today. I'll be ok today. I know that God is right here with me just telling me to hold on, the answer is coming. Rest for my soul is what I need today. It's where I'm turning today! Oh I feel so much better! Blogging is really soup for the soul!! Thanks for listening my friend!!! Have a blessed day!

1 comment:

EVE said...

Perhaps you may find helpful one of my favorite prayers...

"O Christ Jesus, when all is darkness and we feel our weakness and helplessness, give us the sense of your presence, your love, and your strength. Help us to have perfect trust in your protecting love and strengthening power, so that nothing may frighten or worry us, for living close to you, we shall see your hand, your purpose, your will through all things." - (St. Ignatius of Loyola)