Ok. This is it.

Well friends, this is it. My last post for all five of the readers of this blog to read for a while. :) Monday morning at a very ungodly hour I will be getting on the plane and leaving for El Salvador with Compassion International.

I had planned on taking my computer to blog through the trip but it looks like we are not going to have internet access very much. Nor cell phone access which means: No facebook, No twitter, No texting, No talking to the people I love.

Lord have mercy....what am I going to do?

To be honest, this morning I have been asking God, "Are you sure about this?"

While I'm super excited about this trip, I'm nervous. I guess maybe in the depths of my heart I wasn't sure how this was all going to work out for me to go. I think I possibly believed that something was going to stop me from going.

Like, I thought my passport wouldn't come on time, some issue with my paperwork or something...would stop me from being able to go.

Even up until the other day when I had to take the Kennedy to the dr for THREE hours with some weird infection. I was thinking, "Ok, here it is, I'm going to end up in this hospital with this child and not be able to go."

But she ended up being fine and everything has seemingly worked out.

I hope someone can understand this type of thinking and that it's not just me who thinks this way.

It's called, disbelief.

Disbelief can really do some damage to our lives too. It wastes so much time. Because our thinking revolves around that which COULD go wrong -rather than that of which has already gone right.

It's dangerous thinking -disbelief. It causes a numbness, weakness and even fear.

I have experienced so many "not now's" in ministry lately that I think I have disbelief when I get a "yes-now" response from God.

Some days I feel like a broken record with my girls when they ask for things:

"No. Not now. Not yet -No. Not now. Not yet."

But then sometimes, I get to throw in a big whopin "YES!" and their faces light-up like sunshine. And it's one of the best feelings, when I get to tell them yes to something they love. They expected a no and were shocked when I said yes! Sometimes they will even go..."{Gasp!} SHE SAID YES!!!"

I imagine God feels much like that many days with us. We ask Him for great things that He would love to give us but He knows it's not time, it's not the season or we are not ready for it. But then, when He gets to throw in that "YES! NOW! GO!", it must be sweet to see our faces light-up.

And then that disbelief sneaks in. It ruins it!

But God's word promises us if we will trust Him, He will always guide us. And guiding is a process -not necessarily a result.

Proverbs 4:11 is one of my favorite promises of God:

"I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths."

So God reminded me that yes, He does know what He's doing. [like He needed to prove that again] And that my job is only to trust. Not to question, to wonder or even to ask for assurance. It's just to trust.

With Him leading, He will always keep us on the straight path. It may not be what we visioned or planned but it's His way.

Be encouraged today that God may be showing you through the many "not-now's" another way to His purpose for your life. And don't let disbelief stop you from receiving all that He has for you. And yes, let Him blow your mind away!

I love you all [all five of you] and I will miss this blog and your blogs for the next week. But I know that God is doing great things in your lives and I will be able to read all about them when I get back.

If you think of it, please pray for my crew and my awesome husband as he tackles motherhood for a week and for the team that's going to El Salvador. For safety, for health protection and for God to move in hearts in a bigger way than we can comprehend.

And, for the hair dryer to work. [smile]

See you in a week with pictures and updates.

Much love in HIM,
Nicki