Friday, April 30, 2010

Ok. This is it.

Well friends, this is it. My last post for all five of the readers of this blog to read for a while. :) Monday morning at a very ungodly hour I will be getting on the plane and leaving for El Salvador with Compassion International.

I had planned on taking my computer to blog through the trip but it looks like we are not going to have internet access very much. Nor cell phone access which means: No facebook, No twitter, No texting, No talking to the people I love.

Lord have mercy....what am I going to do?

To be honest, this morning I have been asking God, "Are you sure about this?"

While I'm super excited about this trip, I'm nervous. I guess maybe in the depths of my heart I wasn't sure how this was all going to work out for me to go. I think I possibly believed that something was going to stop me from going.

Like, I thought my passport wouldn't come on time, some issue with my paperwork or something...would stop me from being able to go.

Even up until the other day when I had to take the Kennedy to the dr for THREE hours with some weird infection. I was thinking, "Ok, here it is, I'm going to end up in this hospital with this child and not be able to go."

But she ended up being fine and everything has seemingly worked out.

I hope someone can understand this type of thinking and that it's not just me who thinks this way.

It's called, disbelief.

Disbelief can really do some damage to our lives too. It wastes so much time. Because our thinking revolves around that which COULD go wrong -rather than that of which has already gone right.

It's dangerous thinking -disbelief. It causes a numbness, weakness and even fear.

I have experienced so many "not now's" in ministry lately that I think I have disbelief when I get a "yes-now" response from God.

Some days I feel like a broken record with my girls when they ask for things:

"No. Not now. Not yet -No. Not now. Not yet."

But then sometimes, I get to throw in a big whopin "YES!" and their faces light-up like sunshine. And it's one of the best feelings, when I get to tell them yes to something they love. They expected a no and were shocked when I said yes! Sometimes they will even go..."{Gasp!} SHE SAID YES!!!"

I imagine God feels much like that many days with us. We ask Him for great things that He would love to give us but He knows it's not time, it's not the season or we are not ready for it. But then, when He gets to throw in that "YES! NOW! GO!", it must be sweet to see our faces light-up.

And then that disbelief sneaks in. It ruins it!

But God's word promises us if we will trust Him, He will always guide us. And guiding is a process -not necessarily a result.

Proverbs 4:11 is one of my favorite promises of God:

"I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths."

So God reminded me that yes, He does know what He's doing. [like He needed to prove that again] And that my job is only to trust. Not to question, to wonder or even to ask for assurance. It's just to trust.

With Him leading, He will always keep us on the straight path. It may not be what we visioned or planned but it's His way.

Be encouraged today that God may be showing you through the many "not-now's" another way to His purpose for your life. And don't let disbelief stop you from receiving all that He has for you. And yes, let Him blow your mind away!

I love you all [all five of you] and I will miss this blog and your blogs for the next week. But I know that God is doing great things in your lives and I will be able to read all about them when I get back.

If you think of it, please pray for my crew and my awesome husband as he tackles motherhood for a week and for the team that's going to El Salvador. For safety, for health protection and for God to move in hearts in a bigger way than we can comprehend.

And, for the hair dryer to work. [smile]

See you in a week with pictures and updates.

Much love in HIM,


Kimberly said...

:) I know I'm not one of your usual five. :) But I will still be praying. :)

And I truly was so encouraged by your post this morning. God has sweetly given me a "yes" recently, but honestly, just yesterday I was walking in total disbelief. Wondering what it is that is going to keep me from this "yes" actually happening. Wow. Didn't even fully realize what I was doing until I read your post this morning.

Thank you! Have a fabulous trip! I know God has so much in store for you!

Wendy said...

Nicki! God bless you my sweet friend. This time of travel, silence, revelation and love will open your eyes to God in a new and fascinating way...may you drink it all in!

Both of our Compassion kids are in El Salvador and the stories and images from there point only to the One who could recruit cute lil' southern girls with hair dryer worries to love and be loved by His children half a world away. (okay, more like a quarter of a world)

Be safe my friend and be blessed!

JenB said...

Yay! So excited for you to go! Can't wait to hear what God will do. Will be praying!

Holly Myers said...

Nicki This is such an amazing blog post:) you inspire me beyond belief to keep pushing through my own doubts. I am so honored to be your friend:) Praying for an amazing trip and that others encounter an amazing God through an amazing lady:) Can't wait to hear all about it!

Rhoda @ Southern Hospitality said...

Nicki, that is fantastic. I would love to do just that one day too! Have a sweet & blessed trip.

the alleys said...

see? you have more than 5 because i'm your 6th comment ;). love you and will be praying for you {and for kris}.

Kimberly said...

oh! add me to your list of more than 5! and thank you for providing some awesome insight into disbelief - i live & breath it and as the kimberly before me said "i didn't even realize that's what it was"... WOW! yummie goodness and i'll definitely be praying for you and cant wait to see what insights you come back with! *BIG HUGS*

Cindy said...

I am believing for God to do great things while you are in El Salvador. Praying for you, your family, your team and God's plan.
It is exciting when God says "YES".
Blessings to you all,
Oh, and BTW I'm # 8, so you have more readers than you thought~heehee

Monica said...

Nicki, have a safe & great trip! I will be praying for you! xxoo

Stephanie said...

I can totally relate! Thanks for this post. I'm currently going through the "not yets" and watching and waiting is not always the easiest. It's good to know that I'm not alone in the journey! Have a blessed trip!!

Running the race said...

Nicki, that was a wonderful post. This is just another chapter in your book:) You are not going to El Salvador by accident. It is God appointed and ordained. I am thinking your heart for evangalism is going to be used when you go. Dad and I are excited to hear what God is going to do both to you, through you! PS We will be praying for Kris and the kids. Know that they need us we are here! Hugs today.

auburnchick said...


A) It would appear as if you have more than five readers. (wink)

B) I wonder how it is that we can get so used to the "not now" answers that we don't expect much from God and come up totally surprised by the "yes" answers. I wonder how God feels about we're not going to Him with the expectation every time that God can and WILL do what we ask (not that He always does, but is it wrong to hope that He will?).

Perhaps one result of all of the "no's" is the unexpected joy of things working out in some situations.

3) No worries about the hair dryer or lack of other conveniences. I think becoming freed from electronic ties that bind us is a very liberating experience (one I had the pleasure of experiencing when I went on a week-long cruise for Thanksgiving).

Can't wait to hear about your trip when you get home!

Lynn said...

Have an awesome and fruitful trip... praying for you, your team and your hubby as he does mommy duty!! And yeah... I think I'm number 13!!! So WAY more than 5, huh????

Rebecca Jo said...

Cant wait to hear all about it!!! Will lift everyone up in prayer - & that you all feel God's mighty work through you all in this!

Ashleigh Mayes. said...

Thank you for sharing! This was really inspiring and made me think. Say hello to number 6!

Wylie @ Shout A Joyful Noise! said...

Oh, I can't wait to hear about your trip! Happy mother's day to you!