Monday, March 22, 2010

The event: Failure.

Failure is not an option -it's a requirement.

Those are the words that stung through my heart yesterday as I sat in my chair at church yesterday. With a horrible attitude and an uneasy heart, I made my way into our sanctuary. The music seemed too loud [it wasn't any louder than usual]. It was crowded [it's always crowded]. The guy next to me had way too much cologne on [have mercy...]. And I...was not in a spiritual all.

Pretty much the perfect setting for a booty kicking from God.

And He did. Kicked [the booty]. Hard.

My book has been turned down now more times than I have fingers to count. And never with a "real" reason. I think I could take it if they would say, "Hey Nicki- you stink as a writer, give it up." But these publishers/agents never give a reason worth stating.

So, when you write a book about the failures of life and then you seem to fail at getting it can be the perfect scenario for a deeper pain.

It's like the one thing you are trying to make use of your life and it keeps becoming even more useless.

The truth is though, I realize I haven't even made the foundation of failure yet.

Because what God is teaching me is that this journey with Him, it isn't for the faint of heart. It's not for those who change direction like the wind and go off in whatever direction sounds amazing at the moment. It's a steady and long road.
Faith requires major risks. And risks will lead to failures. Certainly.

But, when we become afraid to fail -we fail to take the risk. It's such a Catch-22!

This is a hard one for me because I'm such a, Let-God-do-this-kinda-girl. I don't like to try to push open doors because I have seen the greatest blessings come from my hands being totally removed. This is an inner struggle that's become one of the greatest battles in my life: How much and how far do I do on my own strength?

Maybe you struggle with this too?

The Lord lead me to this passage of scripture this morning. Which seems very fitting for a failing girl like myself [smile]. You can put your name in the brackets if you can relate:

"Now it is God who makes us and you stand firm in Christ. He appointed us [Nicki], set his seal of ownership on us [Nicki], and put his Spirit in our [Nicki's] hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come." -2 Corinthians 1:21-22

I serve a God who has never failed, never made a mistake and who has never not followed through with what He destined each of us to.

But failure has to come in order to shape our hearts into what exactly He needs us to be.

Failure makes us humble. Failure makes us ready. Failure makes us wise. Failure makes us ready to try something new. Failure makes us see our need for Him. In haven't really lived until you have failed.


So today, I embrace failure. Because I don't just know, but I believe that failure is not an's a requirement.


LaughingLady said...

I spoke in our church about wilderness experiences yesterday and this is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about. Hard stuff, but I'm learning (very slowly!) that anything that makes me cry out to God, DESPERATE for Him, is a blessing.

Jenny said...

I know how you feel. Last night I told Chad I think I could just cry. This is much harder than I ever thought it would be.

Melissa said...

So God told me one time to "Be still and know that I am God..." and He didn't tell me to stop being still for a SOLID YEAR! Everything I tried turned to dust because it was time for me to be still and know that without Him I am nothing and that if He doesn't move then it's not worth my time. OH BLESS IT! Girl, I know where you are and I am glad!! It means that God is working on you in some major ways. I'm sorry it's hard. Just keep running to Him. Wrestling with God means that He still has His hands on you. Walking away from Him means that He doesn't. Stay in the fight!

Anonymous said...

I think many of us, in these hard economic times, can identify with this. I have been looking for a teaching position for over a year. I know I'm perfect for the job. I love teenagers, and I love knowledge. But God has had other plans, using the "no" time to prepare me. And yet, I continue to trust in Him. He knows the plans He has for me...

Hang in there dear.

Running the race said...

Very thought provoking blog Nicki. As I was thinking of this a little more. Could failure really be a gain? Afterall, To die is to gain so isn't failure actually a win? I know when I began to allow my self to not be perfect, I became more tolerant of myself which if I failed and I did and still do, I learned and picked myself up stronger than before.

Mel C said...

Going through some failures myself... loving what you had to say about this!

mshelton said...
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