Monday, June 15, 2009

TTR Update and Duggars

So maybe some of your are curious as to how the Tattle Tellin Reverse post turned out?

Not. So. Good.

There was a comment from someone, can't remember who right now, that said she had done this as well and found herself having to give her children examples of nice things to say....and when I read that I thought.....surely not my girls, they will have nice things to say!


They had nothing nice to say about each other.

In fact, at one point it took HopeAnn over FIFTEEN minutes to come up with FIVE nice things to say about the Taylor. And it included the obvious like, "Um....She has blond hair and blue eyes."

Apparently she believes that pointing out the, obvious will reconcile the rest? Don't think so little my little flower child.

Sweet Mercy!

So a couple of weeks ago I had ordered this book and for sweet perfection of timing it came on Friday afternoon:

Because, quite frankly I cannot seem to successfully manage these three little divas and wondered how someone manges 18! There were Lot's of questionable things in my mind when I ordered this book.


1. Why the hair style? (Important, pressing issues first.)

2. How could you possibly spend quality time with each child?

3. Why do you keep having babies???!!! MERCY.

4. How do you manage to run a smooth running household every day?

5. And most importantly how do you discipline ALL those children?!!!

So, because it's a pretty easy read, I got through it in just a few hours here and there this past weekend. And there are some very insightful things I feel I must share with every other burned out momma out there.

First, yes, I totally felt inadequate as a mom after reading this.

It "appears" that the Duggar household is run in a smooth orderly fashion, where the children obey promptly, voices are never raised, cleanliness and organization are a successful standard upheld by all and little sassy blond haired children never talk-back! Meals are thoughtfully planned out, budgets are stayed within, charts and systems of rewards are used and all of the children are home schooled.


Are you feeling inadequate yet?

Oh but wait, there's more......

The kids don't watch TV, they all have chores each day, they have buddy systems and...

The Duggar family is totally debt-free!

But as I read more, I have to give them many props for what they do. (Like they read this blog, hee hee) I personally have no desire to have 18 kids, I can barely remember the names, birthdays, schedules and likes/dislikes of my three. But, I don't knock them for successfully doing what they feel the Lord has called them to keep having babies.

There were a few things that I wanted to share with you, and myself to help us through these seemingly never-ending days of drama.

1. Do you know that their kids wear their pj's for three days before they wash them? Ok, I'm SO implementing this one. I think that is part of my laundry problem, all those pj's!

2. For chores, they use Teri Maxwell's Managers of Their Chores systems. And their children all begin chores at the age of um...three. So therefore that means I'm about FIVE YEARS behind with Taylor. And I'm fully aware that we need to do something, stat about this! I hope to use a few of the ideas with this system.

3. As a rewards system they give each child a penny for each completed task each day. This includes making their beds, putting pj's away,, using manners etc... I personally think this is a fabulous idea so I wouldn't have to keep saying, "Did you make your bed?.... Brush your teeth?...Where are your manners?"...and a penny isn't a ton of money, but I know my girls will value it!

4. They also use something called "blanket time" which seems to be good for younger kids but I think my girls are a little to old to start implementing this now. You can google it if you want more info. Michelle Duggar describes it as, "Having a play pen in your purse." Sounds awesome!

Fellow mommies, here's the thing. What works for one, may not work for all! We do need to make efforts to have peaceful, happy homes. But, it is helpful to share ideas, tips and what works and doesn't work for you. So, I fully open up the comments today to share your favorite mommy tips! And, if you read this and don't have children yet, what were some of the creative things your parents did when you were a kid?

How do you do chores in your home? Do you have a rewards system? What is your biggest challenge? How do you handle discipline, particularly in older kids (that's where it seems to get tough, I'd rather put a little hiney in time-out all day rather than deal with the rolling of the eyes and sassy tones!). Let me hear from you!

Ok off to the water park for some fun in the sun and a week of VBS! Whoo hoo. ;) Have a great day and I can't wait to hear your thoughts today!


Sabrina said...

Hey. Sorry to hear you are having such a time with the girls. I am not a mom but have been in childcare for 10 years. The simplest advise that I can give you is this: Make some rules you want your children to follow and then YOU follow through. That means enforcing the rules and the consequences and the rewards every single time. Just starting with a few changes at time will make a big difference and I promise you will see results. The Duggers are a great resource, so are the nanny shows on tv. Duggars air on TLC and thenanny shows air on CMT.

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JenB said...

I'm sure I'd feel inadequate if I read that book! I do when I watch their show!! But I also know I cannot compare myself to them (or her) because I know I am WAY more uptight and impatient that she is, just to start!!

As for things we do, I recently implemented a chart for chores (daily and weekly ones) for Becca. Not Hayes yet. She gets allowance weekly depending on if she follows thru with them consistently.

We also use the Doorposts ( for discipline and rewards and they work pretty well. Although unfortunately we are better at using the discipline one than the reward one. Need to work on that.

That's all I've got. I'm sure there are other things I could say but this is getting pretty long. :)

Jenifer said...

I need to get that book. I'm always amazed when I watch their show- Momma Duggar is always so soft spoken and calm.

What we do for chores...
I divide the house into zones- living room, dining room, school room, etc. Each week my older kiddos are assigned a specific zone in addition to their normal daily chores. It's their responsibility to make sure their zone is clean before they go to bed. Each zone has a list posted somewhere on the wall telling them what needs to be done. Hubs and I have talked about giving an allowance and will probably start that soon. We haven't done that before because our goal was to teach them that there are some things in life you just have to do, period.

For discipline I use charts, probably more for them than for them. :) I use two different ones- Mining for Gold in the Heart of a child and Wise Words for Moms. Both give Biblical counsel as to how to correct the behavior. I try my very best to focus more on positive reinforcement than negative. I also reference Lisa Whechel's book Creative Correction A LOT!!!

For our 2 year old I've done carpet training. Hubs brought home some carpet squares and I've taught her to stay on her square and play with her toys while I cook, clean, do school with the older kiddos, etc... It has been very helpful for us all.

Well, now that I've written a book I'll stop for now.


Ginger said...

Wow! First of all I can't even imagine having that many children. My grandmothers had 9 and 11..good women is all I'll say and lots of patience. I'm sure I don't quite measure up to The Duggar family.

In regards to discipline, we're in the teen years now and I started out way too controling and that did not work. I heard it said in the pulpit once that children are like bars of soap. You hold to tight or too loose and they slip away. When our daughter was young, we used time out and postive reinforcement and it usually worked.

Now, our daughter has a job, but she is also expected to do certain chores around the house to help out. Parenting in my opinion is the most challenging and yet rewarding roles.

One of the most important things I've learned over the years is that taking the time to always be available to listen is key. If you listen to the small things, they'll share the big things later.

Just know too that there will be good days and challenging days. There are no perfect families...even the Duggars! Hang in there and just pray daily for your girls. Just know that you're a great mom!

Anonymous said...

People were disturbed by the blanket training thing and the Duggars removed it from their site. Im not aparent and if I ever am would never use such tactics. babies need to roam freely. Lisa Whelchel used the tabasco sauce technique Tabasco sauce can burn a childs throat. I would not buy books from either Whelchel or the Duggars. Their techniwues are questionable.