Thursday, December 11, 2008

All of me.......in spite of

"In spite of".

What does that mean exactly to you?

I tend to think it means to say something along the lines of a "because" or "anyway" or even perhaps a "will do".

Last night I began reading the When Wallflowers Dance book by Angela Thomas. My closest friends know how much I love Angela. She is totally my BFF!! So I was very eager to get started reading.

(I am going to be teaching this class in the spring and hope to do an online study along with it. I haven't worked all those details out yet, but I will be sure to let you know so if you want to follow along with us, you can!)

Well, as I was reading I came across this sentence, that really didn't have a whole lot to do with the chapter but struck me hard!

This is what a portion of it said, ".....and truly coming to know a very beautiful life, in spite of all that's happened."

I stopped right there and the Lord immediately began to speak.

This week has been full of disappointments in life for me. I've had some hurtful events happen and some hard steps to taken only to be slammed back in my face.

I have wanted to give up this blog, face book and everything else that "requires" me to share who I am.

This past summer, I opened up the doors to a grand ballroom with my God. I took His hand and he spun me around and around. I held tight to His arms and I opened my heart to all He had for me! I did! I REALLY DID.

But.....through it all, I have held onto things that I shouldn't. Things I surrender and then let creep back in. Those feelings of "I'll never be good enough." or "It's never gonna be like I want it to." Things that make you want to stop dancing.

Do you know what those feelings can lead to?

I do.

Loneliness. Bitterness. Fearful. Resentful or even Hatred.

We can surrender until we are blue in the face, but God spoke so clearly to me that until we choose to live......."in spite of"....our lives are never going to be beautiful.

If we can't be happy "in spite of" our circumstances.....we will never be happy!

If we can't say I'm sorry "in spite of" our pride.....we will never experience forgiveness!

If we can't forgive "in spite of" never having an apology....we will never be free!

If we can't believe God will "in spite of" our lack of faith......we will never experience faithfulness!

Now.....I had wanted to write this post out early this morning, but I just couldn't seem to get the words together. It was like the Lord was saying to me, "Are you really going to believe this?"

I do!

Because all day......I have chosen to dance with God "in spite of". Yes, it's only been one day, but amazing things can happen in our hearts if we choose to live day by day.

Ya'll......this is a powerful thing. To live.......To dance.....To experience God....."in spite of".

This isn't exactly Angela's message in her book, but my oh my how I needed to hear this from the Lord at that moment!!

And so... I need to know........what you are choosing......."In spite of"?

Much love,
Nicki

ps-This is my last post for a few days. We have lot's going on this weekend and then two days of Christmas programs at pre-school. AHHH. I'm not at ALL nervous. ha ha. =)

pss- Because I love ALL of you "in spite of" SOME of you not leaving me comments......ahem (Kim)......you must check out this website: www.graveyardmall.com It ROCKS!!! So get over there and start saving some BIG DOLLARS!! And come back and tell me what you got!

15 comments:

nanatrish said...

This is such an excellent post. Aren't bible studies wonderful? Things can come to us when we are looking at other things in the Word and what others are trying to share. To me surrendering to Him means that I am NOT saying, "If I do all these things for you, Lord, I just know you will do this...i.e,not let my child get sick,not let my husband loose his job, not let those people talk to me that way." My husband has a hard time with this. He seems to believe that there's some kind of trade off. I think because he didn't have much unconditional love growing up, it's a difficult concept. I hope this isn't rambling. Don't give up your blog, your facebook, etc. From me looking at your blog for a year I see real growth and as a woman old enough to be your mama, I see a young mother growing in the Lord and anxious to share with the world. You are making a huge difference. luv ya, Trish if this doesn't make sense you can tell me so. ;)

My Army Brats and Me said...

Thanks for praying! I hope you have a wonderful few days off. Love reading your blog.

Love ya Cindy

Amy E. said...

Dance, girl, dance!!!!

Can't wait to see the performance on Monday! :)

Joyful said...

I'm choosing to obey God in spite of the pressure I feel from others to do certain things to live up to their expectations.

I LOVE that book!!!! I read it about a year ago and I'm still learning new dances with my King!!! His lessons continue for a lifetme - there are just so many dances to embrace.

Love ya,
Joy

Anonymous said...

Love you too Nicki-does this count as a comment?

Kim said...

Yes, I am here and praying for you but not commenting. I don't want to confuse you right now by commenting but you know that I so want to teach Hope next year. Okay? Love you!

Rebecca Jo said...

WOW!!! What incredible thoughts... I was in the same mood last night - I give so much of my time & effort to the youth group & they take the advice, time & everything & dont care... I wondered is it worth it? Then I thought God still does it for me in SPITE of the way I treat him....

Glad you didnt go through with giving up your blog!!!

Ginger said...

Hey Nicki,

I love your thoughts! How exciting to dance with God! He wants to romance us. He is always there when the world lets us down. When you're feeling this way, recognize who "you" are in Christ and replace those lies with truth. The enemy loves to get us down! Don't give up on your blog...you have great insight.

ThreeGirlyGirls said...

Hey Kim!! AHH.....I meant Kim D, she and I were joking the other day about how she reads my blog but NEVER leaves me a comment, I was teasing her! I'm SOOO sorry. Please don't think I was being that way towards you!!

BUT, I DOOOOO miss your wise "Kimsense" on here and on your blog! What's up? No more writing? or Just really busy?? I surely do miss your thoughts!

This has been a huge struggle and I would want no one else in the world but you to be Hope's teacher next year. I pray that God leads us to a decision soon.....I'm stressin. But I know He's in control!

Love ya!

The Patterson 5 said...

Great inspiration for me today! Thank you! Good luck this week on your preschool performances! The kids and you will do great!

Kay Martin said...

In spite of...I'm guessing you're like me. That means this term is interpreted: I want things to go my way; please me and make me feel good. Well, the dance you described will show you and me that God leads. I'm a poor dancer; and one of the reasons was I never figured out "following" the lead. My husband wasn't a great dancer either. I've been told I would have learned had a I had a great lead dancer.

We have the greatest "lead." What you are describing is taking up our cross daily. All that pain, offense, disappointment, sad surprises...they are all the works of the cross killing our flesh and selfishness.

Whether you or I blog or anything else depends on our Father's decision. Didn't we realize His dance is His Way with His lead? I always have to conitually lay every ministry I'm involved in on the altar. If He hands it back to me I know it pleases Him. That is my ONLY question: Lord, are You pleased?

Lay it all before Him: pour your heart into all He hands back to you.

This is wonderful that you are honestly asking these questions. Don't let anyone guide your decisions but God and your God appointed priest: your husband.

By the way, I hope God wants you to blog because I so enjoy it, but that is not the reason a saint as precious as you are does anything. You are chosen and absolutely His precious daughter of Royalty!!!

Louise said...

B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L

HUGS

Jennifer said...

Oh my goodness..it is as if you spoke my heart word by word for me. I'm actually going to print it and read it again....and ask God (again) for that passion. So hope I can participate in your Bible study (if its online).....

Thanks for sharing your heart. Have a great week

Sarah Martin said...

Great thoughts! You and I are on the same brain wave lenghth. I have been thinking about Mary who chose to praise God at the news of the baby in spite of the fact that this would be a huge scandal in her town. Oh man, I want to be praising God in spite of many things these days!

love,
sarah

On Purpose said...

Are you living in my house and I just don't know it...oh friend...you typed out words here from my heart...God is just too cool! I love Him and I love you!!