Wednesday, July 30, 2008


I'm have a super hard time coming up with a title for today's post.

My worst suspicions for my Hopie have come true. We went to the doctors and after a whirl-wind day of appointments and all types of painful testing all led up to these words,

"You're daughter's left kidney is damaged, she needs surgery pretty quickly to correct this."

Hope has what my oldest Taylor had, Vesicoureteral reflux. However, it's a lot worse than Taylor had it. They tend to rate these types of conditions on a scale of 1-5. When they diagnosed Taylor as a baby she was a 2...Hope is a full blown 4.

Her urologist is quite concerned about her left kidney. She is scheduled to have her surgery done to correct the reflux on the 18th of August. She will be in the hospital 2-3 days, then out of school for a week and then 1/2 days of school for the next week.

We will continue to watch her kidney over time. Our prayers right now are focused on her healing completely. I know the surgery will be difficult on her little body, but I know she will recover from it.

I never knew how much this
post would really mean right now. I told you I felt like He was preparing me. There are things doctors can do but ultimately the healing of her kidney is in God's hands.

And, God's hands have been all over this.

The urologist we use is a super busy guy, it normally takes weeks to get into see him...there just "happened" to be a cancellation for our appointment today.

There also just "happened" to be a spot available for a soon surgery, although it's a few weeks away, we waited months after this happened to Taylor.

This morning when I left for her appointment, I actually went to the wrong office, that was 30 minutes away from the other office. I was really upset mainly because it was an error on their part and gas is just CRAZY these days!!

But, I just "happened" to sit in a waiting room with another mom there with a child with kidney damage from reflux. BEFORE I knew anything I was about to hear from the doctor about Hope.

Had I been "on time" I wouldn't have met this woman. She has to travel 2 hours to see this doctor. I was amazed and humbled at my being upset about a little 30 minute drive. I take way to much for granted, like doctors within 30 minutes!

Am I worried? Yes.

Have there been many hidden tears from my Hopie in my eyes today? Yes.

Have I thought I'm a bad mom because I didn't get her into the dr.'s sooner? Yes.


And this is a BIG BUT,

I really know that God is near. And my hands are lifted in surrender to Him. And in these hands are my little sweet girl. My Hopie. His "Hope".

This is a picture of Hope at my brother's wedding a few months ago. I wish the big tear she had falling down her face at this moment showed up on this picture. She was watching my brother's wife and her dad dance to "Hopie's song", Steven Curtis Chapman's "Cinderella". Every time this girly hears that song on the radio, she is in tears....with her momma just a moment behind her! It was a precious memory embedded in my heart....forever.


Kim said...


So sorry to hear that Hope has to go through this - I had the same surgery when I was about her age. While technology has made the instruments smaller over time, I hear that this is still an invasive procedure. But have no fear, God is in control!

Please tell her that I am praying for her. If I can help you with Taylor during those days, please let me know.

Pinkshoelady said...

I came by to visit from On Purpose.

Lord Jesus,
You know the heart of this mom for her daughter. You know this kidney and her little body better than anyone else because you formed it Yourself.
Lord, first we ask for healing. But if that is not Your plan then We ask for victory.

Thank You that You have provided the doctor, the surgery time, and the knowledge of what to do.

I ask that You now provide peace both for Hope and her family (especially Mom) concerning this surgery.

I myself had to have several surgeries as a young child and each time Lord You provided me peace and comfort.

May Hope see this as an adventure, like I did, not something to fear.

May we all celebrate the victory together at what You have done.

Thank You Lord Jesus,

It is your Healing and Loving Name we ask these things.


I will be praying for you.

Pamela R.

Pastor Lisa said...

Hopie and family are in my prayers. We've been through a surgery and skull fracture with Mr. NFL. Let me tell you God is a wonderful healer. God bless your family Nicki.

I remember when Mr. NFL had to have his appendix removed rather suddenly. I remember going to the chapel in the hospital and laying on my face in the still, dark room and crying and praying. God told me to get up. And rather sternly I might add. That Mr. NFL was alright.

I got up. Went back to the waiting room and knew everything was OK.

My sister kidney's all of a sudden stopped working. She was in the hospital for days. The doctors were preplexed. There were whispers about dialysis. But we prayed and God healed her. Never been bothered with her kidneys since.

He heals.

And he comforts a momma's worried heart.

Love you and know that your cyber family in Houston is praying.

Kay Martin said...

Oh, Nicki, when our children go through these procedures it hurts us to the core.

As a mom with our only daughter having a brain tumor 12 years ago I feel some of your pain. Back then the tests looked horrible. I found God with me to a new level in that journey that blew doubts asunder.

Two surgeries, radiation and amazing wonders that daughter has thrived ever sense. A wonderful woman prayed for days for our daughter when she was first diagnosed. She came out of that prayer with assurance that she would recover totally with none of her personality or destiny diminished. That is exactly what God is doing. My prayer is that Hope will come through all of this beautifully. Nothing will inure her, but anything she goes through will actually draw her closer to God and make her greater than she could have ever been any other way.

You are a beautiful mother. I saw that the first day I met you. I will pray that you see yourself in that light.

I can be of any help to you please let me know. You are dear to me and that means so are your children.

Love you so.

The Ballinger Family said...

So sorry to hear that she will require surgery. Prayers and hugs coming your way. My daughter was diagnosed with reflux when she was two. Hers was a stage age 5 she had no sign of it. Praying for a quick healing and recovery.

Monica said...

Oh, Nicki,

I will be praying for you and precious Hope. In the midst, God is here in every trial. Let me know if you need anything.


JenB said...

Oh girl. I'll be praying for Hope. God is our healer!

Tisha said...

Hey - I am praying for yall. Please let me know if I can help with Taylor and/or Kennedy. I owe you some kidsitting!!

On Purpose said...

Dear Sweet God of ours take Nicki and wrap your arms around her. She is such a strong and powerful woman and there is something that makes us feel so weak when we see our babies sick. May You use this time God to let little Hopie's light shine, may she shine to the nurses, to the drs, to her friends, and family. May You dear God get all the glory. We love you Lord and may be stand beside this precious family and love on them in Your Name-Amen

freetofly said...

Praying for you all and especially little Hopie!

How sweet it is that she has the depth to be moved by that song at her very young age!

Amy L Brooke said...

I will be praying and praying and praying. Thanks for sharing.

I'm sorry that you have to wait at all. I imagine waiting and wondering to be the worst part. But I know that God can give you peace.

Faith said...

Nicki, I am so sorry and will continue to pray for you and for Hope. God is the healer of all our diseases! Nothing is impossible!!

MelanieJoy said...

Know that I will carry your Hope and her Mom and Dad in my prayers.
I pray for her healing how ever He may choose for it to come.

My Army Brats and Me said...

Dear Hope,
Tonight Alexa, Savannah and Madison are going to find the perfect star in the sky and make a wish and a prayer. Our wish will be for you to get well and healthy very soon. We hope that when you are out you look up at the star and remember that God is good and we love you. Our special star that we will share with you is "The little star of HOPE"
Goodnight and sweet dreams

MiMi said...

I will definitely be praying for you and Hope. I am so sorry that she has to go through this surgery.

Marilyn said...

Our prayers are with you!

God bless you all....


ValleyGirl said...

Oh, Nicki, I know you KNOW to rest in God's hands, but I also know how difficult it is to FEEL like you're resting there. I'm praying you'll continue to really FEEL His nearness right now and in the weeks ahead.

Jamie @ Purposeful Pursuit said...

What a precious girl! I'll be praying for her (and her mama too).

By the way, you've got a great blog. I'm glad I came by.

Amy E. said...

Girl, you know I am crying right now....first about little Hope and then that precious picture! :) I'm praying for all of you. love you dearly!

Alisun said...

OH Nicki I am so sorry to hear this is going on yet again. I will pray for you and Hopie and the whole family, his robe is within reach at all times.

Valarie said...

Oh girl. I've been so busy I haven't been online all week but you know my heart is heavy with this news. You know that Hopie has such a special place in my heart!! You PLEASE tell her that Ms. Valarie is prayin' like crazy for her!!! (tell her Momma that too!)
Love ya girl.

Speaking Thru Me Ministries said...

girlie - sorry that I am just coming to know this. You know I understand the fears, tears, and scaredness!! I am sorry. We have our foundation and nothing will rock it at all!! We are confident, right? Oh yes!! I will add Hopie to the prayers for SJ as well. I love you friend!! Love, Leigh