***Please see previous posts if you missed part one and part two
As I stood there praying I didn't pass out, suddenly, I was speaking! To be quite honest, the moment now seems like a blur. An out of body experience. Like, I was not there. Before I knew it, I was done. And my racing heart stopped racing! I humbly sat back down and prayed that no one started to laugh or give me "that look". You know, the look like, "girl, you in the wrong group!" But they didn't! They were very gracious to me and showered me with their love and praise!! I will forever be grateful to them. Here is a picture of them so you too can see their precious faces!
I know so many of you many wonder what I said that night. And ya'll, I'm struggling here, because I know some people could and would take it the wrong way not "hearing" it come out of my mouth. Let's just say for now that it was a very emotional time. But that God did great things! And as Rachel told us, strongholds were taken down that night! Amen!
After this awesome time together, it was late. And I was emotionally DONE. I headed to my room wondering if I would finally meet my roommate. I pushed my key in the door and opened it still to an empty room! I thought, "Goodness, this girl is she real?". I settled in on the couch to call my man and check in. All was well. And then, I gasped at the thought that no one at home was dying without me! Maybe I really could leave and come home and they would still all be alive? Seriously, this was huge.
About an hour or so later I finally met my roomate! We had lot's in common which led to lot's to talk about. She doesn't have a blog and for some reason I didn't take her picture, so you all will not get to meet her today. Sorry!
After settling in our beds at some un-godly hour, my mind was running three hundred miles an hour to nowhere. And there were also some wild teens who were staying at this hotel too, running four hundred miles an hour up and down the hallways. I smiled as I thought back to my wild and crazy running up the hall days as a youth grouper! It took some major GRACE! GRACE! GRACE! To not open that door and give them the "momma look".
I kept asking God that night, "What is next for me? After this conference is over, what's next?". So many women, and I'm just being honest, attend this conference and believe that they will walk away with a clear direction for their call! I did too, at first. And don't get me wrong, many women did find their publishers, direction for ministry and so on.
But that night God so gently reminded me that this was a process. A LONG process. And this was a step in this process. But also to trust Him at all times. To believe that He sees and knows my hearts cries to serve Him! And He would direct my path. To keep on, to put myself out there and just to trust! People will say no, people will think I've lost it but I know what I know! You know? =) I told God that I was in this for the long haul so to buckle it up! He said, "Well, let's go girl!"
With a little over two hours of sleep, I pulled myself out of bed only to discover my second wardrobe crisis of the weekend, I forgot my big ol hair brush! You know the kind that helps these big haired frizzy haired girls to look soft and sweet? Yes, that's the one. The first crisis was I left my "day two" outfit at home. On the bed. Major crisis! But luckily my man was sweet enough to bring it to me! I didn't dare call him at 6am to tell him I was having another emergency, about a brush.
Needless to say, I didn't have big beautiful hair but, it was do-able. My roommate made her way down to breakfast before me while I desperately tried to make this hair crisis go away and she was going to be saving me a seat. I walked down to the elevator feeling all frumpy with my flat, frizzy hair! Nothing like flat, frizzy hair to start your day of like "ahhh".
So I made my way through the line and began to look out in the swarm of women all sitting around chatting away, and for some reason, they all looked exactly the same! I couldn't seem to find my roommate anywhere! I began to have flashes back to elementary school, you know where you walk into the lunchroom and you can't find anywhere to sit? And you're walking around in circles praying for a friendly face? Mmmhhmm, ya. This was me.
Not wanting to humiliate myself anymore, I made my way towards and empty table not knowing what happened to my roommate. I sat down, prayed and started to eat, alone. Well, a few seconds later a familiar face asked if she could join me. I said, "Sure!". I couldn't figure out how I knew her, but I did. As we began to talk she told me her name, and her blog name, because that's how you roll at She Speaks. And it was Karla! She was the scholarship winner from Lysa's blog! And she is super, super sweet! And her hair was neither flat nor frizzy. =)
Ok, I'm realizing that this She Speaks journey is starting to turn into the "My journey to She Speaks" book. So I'm going to have to fast foreword a whole bunch!
ALL the sessions I attended were amazing! I learned so, so much! Not just about speaking but about where my passions are and where exactly my heart is. My second speaker evaluation group went great! They didn't have to call 911 at all! And I WILL share all I said later on.
But Saturday night, they had an amazing, giving God glory time! During this time you could write down fears and doubts on a card, and lay it down to the Lord at the cross. At first, I thought, "Lord, we're good, right?" And my heart once again began to beat faster, and faster and faster. It's amazing that I walked away from this conference without a trip to the ER for heart failure!
And God so gently reminded me of my many doubts. One by one. Other's voices came to mind. Both good and bad. The fear that I would attend this type of conference and walk away and still just be "normal". I wanted nothing to be normal anymore. I wanted to be extraordinary, just for Him! And so I wrote them down and God said, "Now come pray." As I cried the biggest tears I ever had at that alter, a sweet embrace came next to me. It was Wendy Pope. And the girl just warmed my heart and soul with her half-sided embrace and a tissue! She prayed with me and helped me lay all those doubts down. It was powerful!
We said our goodbyes after a quick laugh about my frizzy flat hair and Shari Brandel's advice on it!! Of ALL the days to not have that brush the day I meet THE Shari. She is a like "the woman" in Christian fashion stuff! If your wondering what she said, it was that I need more layers around my face! But the color was good! (Phew, my hairdresser can take a deep breath!)
I crawled back into my not-so-totally awesome couch bed and curled up with my journal and the Lord. I was alone with my thoughts, they were the only thing I had to do. And my thoughts were many, many, many.
The conference ended the next morning. It was an empowering, "go-get-it" time! Confidence and dreams were built in so many women! Hope was given and joy was found!
I then had the chance to meet Lysa for a minute. She is so sweet! And so not one of those "you can't talk to me" type of people! She is so warm and friendly! Here is a pic of us:
And then my van pulled up.
And this was the sight I saw:
More to come next on "Life, AFTER She Speaks".