Wednesday, June 11, 2008

A dreadfully day

****Updated: Ya'll keep those great comments coming! From the post below. About school stuff!!! Great stuff y'all!! I appreciate all your insight!
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It's almost midnight........and my mind is running 500 miles an hour. What is a girly to do???

Today has been a day filled with so many emotions.

A guy called us on Monday for the second time to make an appointment to see our house. He cancelled the first time 5 minutes before his appointment. So, I was a little leery to make another one. None the less, we did. Kris came home from work and I took the girl's outta here, since they don't seem to "show" well. =)

30 minutes into our appointment "span" my phone rings, sure enough he is calling to cancel. My first thought was I wanted to let this guy have a piece of my mind. But, thankfully Kennedy was acting like her normal self, "throwing down" on the floor in the middle-of-the-store, so the opportunity didn't present itself very well.

I was mad.

I was really mad.

And not at Kennedy for once. =)

Did this man know that these girls and I were ON OUR KNEES in prayer for him only an hour earlier??? Did he not care that for the SECOND time I had spent the entire day making my house pretty for him??? Did he not realize that I was now dragging a two year old around a store that had so many "pretty" things to pull down off shelves???? For Him??

Ugh. The nerve.

Tears filled my eyes as I approached the check out register to pay for all these great Father's day deals I had found. And then I could only take a deep sigh followed by more tears as I reached into my purse to pull out my wallet, only to remember it was in the POOL BAG. AT HOME.

So I drug my girls back out into the sweltering heat to come back home and go to church........dreadful. Not full of spirit, very down.

Do you know what God does when you go to church dreadfully???? Hmmm......

He whams ya with a sermon! Oh yes.

"Gentleness! Grace! To everything to God in prayer!!" (cue "a ha" music)

Yes! He served me up some humble pie as I thought about my emotions during this day. It was just what I needed.......really!!!

As we got home, the girls were AT IT. And I mean like in your face, can't stand you for one more day kinda deal. It's amazing, I go to church and come home filled with grace and a changed heart......they come home filled with hostility!

And after an hour of listening to them bicker back and forth over who pushed who in front of the mirror, and who makes uglier looks than the other and who isn't the best.... I looked at Kris and said, "I quit. I am done being the mom." He rolled his eyes at me and said, "Your DAUGHTER wants to talk to you."

So AGAIN, I dreadfully (I like that word today) went into their room and Taylor was bawling her eyes out with tears the size of rain drops. And I said, "Girl, get a grip, all this over a push in front of the mirror???" And she screams out at me in furry, "NO! I don't know how to have a relationship with God!!!!"

I stood there shocked for a moment.

Because DUH, I'm supposed to know this that when you are in a horrible mood and hate your sister and want to put duck tape across the room to divide it.........this is what it means!!! (Lord are you sure you meant to give me THREE of these???)

But I felt so bad for the girly. So I crawled up in her bed, which btw, bunk beds are not easy for momma's to "crawl" into with the girlys. And we talked........calmly...........with gentle tears....about how to really have a relationship with God. She's got the salvation down pat...I mean theology and all to the "T".......but I realized something, and maybe this is God speaking to me about my last post. The whole school thing.

So much of her day at school is spent on learning about God. Praying. Memorizing scripture. And here we are just two short weeks out of that routine and it was time......for the meltdown. They really do help her so much with her relationship with God at school. Something I have taken way for granted, obviously. But I see how important it is for us at home to not only be "re-enforcing" what she does at school, which is normally what we do..........but to also have our own "at home" ways of developing her relationship with the Lord.

And this goes way beyond me saying, "Ok, 15 minutes of quiet time on your bed! Pray!" (**guilty)

Oh ya'll......this momma stuff. It takes a load outta ya each day. Just when I think I'm finally getting it all.......boom. I'm not even close to "getting this" who am I kidding?

I so gently told Taylor I was sorry. Because as we've been working on division problems and learning how to do the dishes, and put clothes away and swimming in the pool, I thought that she was "walking" each day with God. But she's not. And right now......that's my responsibility. To lead her, teach her and help her see who God is to her.

So God has said a lot to me today. But in the most humble of humble ways. Sometimes I'd just like to drive past a sign and read it and be done.......but the Lord seems to allow me to go LOW to "get it".

This house......it's probably not going to sell. These girls.........they are going to grow. My life......is going to change.

Acceptance. It's a hard, HARD thing. But I know one thing for sure........I don't want to stand before God "dreadful" one day. I want Him to smile at me when He sees me, not cover his eyes and shake His head! But it's only done, day by day. Just walking. That's all I'm doing each day with Him. Walking, finding my way with Him.

Ok, blogging is better at night with no girly's in their rooms going, "MOOOOMMMYYY I PEE PEE ON MY BED!!" So maybe this will do for the summer. Forgive me. I know I said it was going to be a "fun" week, but it's not been. Plus, I can't find my camera. I know you would've LOVED to seen the Kennyboo today sitting on the couch.......on her potty......naked.......with her potty movie on. Precious moments ya'll missed out on.

But guess what? She STILL did not pee in that potty. Stubborn girly!!!

Ok, I'm done now. With this post that won't end.

Really......

7 comments:

Ps Marcelo Iturre said...

godd godd, Hello I am from Argentina, my name is Marcelo I am Christian, a leader of young ... it is a great benediction his(her,your) blog bless

Faith said...

Great post, Nicki. Praying for y'all today! God is faithful!

nanatrish said...

Nicki, I enjoy your blogs and I am praying for you. One of these days my little granddaughter and I need to take a road trip up to NC from SC. The girls could play and we can talk and drink iced tea. I have made plenty of mistakes, but I have also brought away some information that carried me through the hard times. Stress takes a lot of energy and we all need to build up our reserves for the future. Love ya Trish

MiMi said...

Nicki,
I definitely HAVE to respond to this, but I am on my lunch hour right now and can't get my thoughts together. All I can say is I AM HAVING FLASHBACKS!!!! Please don't resign being a Mom yet!
Will write soon.
Emilie

MiMi said...

It is so amazing how inconsiderate people can be. I am so sorry that you had to go through all the inconvenience of getting your home ready to show, only to have the guy cancel out on you! Oh my goodness --as you were telling this story about your day I could completely see and feel what you were experiencing! How I can remember days like this! Days when the constant bickering would make you ask yourself, "Where does a Mother go to resign"! You are exactly right -- this momma stuff is difficult, but don't be so hard on yourself. Let me just encourage you by saying that you are completely normal. You are allowed to get tired some time. You are allowed to have a bad day from time to time. You are obviously doing a great job with teaching your girls and God knows your heart. The fact that Taylor wanted to talk to her momma about how to have a relationship with God, says a lot! You are obviously doing a great job of leading and teaching her! Your girls are blessed to have you for their Momma!
Emilie

My Army Brats and Me said...

Hey girl! Check out my finds for today. Have fun and will post more later today. I am still looking for more input on homeschooling!

Cindy

Sarah Martin said...

just wanted to check in and say hi-praying for you.

love sarah