Monday, March 03, 2008

Wisdom, Fear and Failures

First I have to just start off by thanking each of you so much for the support and love you have shown me to get this She Speaks thing going! As of today, I have a total of $210 raised, PRAISE HIM, and I just entered another scholarship that is for half of the rest of the conference! But, I'm not a bit worried or fearful, I know and I see that MY JEHOVAH JIREH is working! And I thank you for each of you who have been apart of my story so far whether through giving, prayer and support! You are such a blessing to me!!

Yesterday one of our pastors, Dr.Rummage, gave an incredible sermon on friendships. He has been doing this "Word to the Wise" series on Sundays, that are based on the book of Proverbs and it's just been so great. Well, while listening to him preach, I began to reflect on many relationships in my life some gone and some current. I have always felt that I don't pick my friends, God sends them. I don't know if that's scriptural but it's always how I have felt. And it seems that the people I become the closest to are never the ones I "think" I could.

I have been around that mountain of "friendship" MANY times. Sometimes I have wondered if it's worth the risk investing in someone only to end up seriously hurt. I'm on of those, "Once you do me wrong, that's it" kinda people. And I think it's because I have such a genuine heart for others that I care deeply and could not imagine hurting someone the way I have been hurt. But, what I realized is that those much as we enjoyed them when they were up and running, meaning all that the poison that comes with the spreads and it runs through our bodies when we least expect it.

So, I began to think, "Well Lord, what do we do about these other relationships?" You know, the ones where your always at fault, they never did anything wrong and yet they want everything to be fine? Lord, what do we do about those? I'm not quite sure that God has given me the answer but....through Dr.Rummage, I listened to some very careful advice when it comes to those we choose to spend time with. Do you leave that person feeling closer to God? Do you know that person you call best friend loves the Lord the same way you do?

Proverbs 12: 26 says this, "A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray." This means that, me you, if we long to be "righteous", that means we long to have a "right" relationship with God. When thinking about spending time with someone, this is a good thing to ask. Do I know that this person's "righteousness" shines through, or do I feel like it's all about them whenever I'm with them? That would be "self-righteousness". Do I leave that person's presence and feel like I drew closer to God with them, or was it a time filled with gossip and silly frivolous talk? Do they "lead us astray" while we are with them or even worse, do WE lead them astray? Hard stuff.......whew.

There is a lot of fear in this for me......I always want to be friends with anyone who needs a friend. But, what I saw through this verse yesterday, is that God may lay the opportunities before us for friendship, but sometimes it may be a mentoring friendship not that deep one on one relationship that in my opinion may only come once or twice in a lifetime. We need to hang onto those relationships with dear life. I can think of a few people in my life today that I have gotten to know really well, really well as to who they are in Christ. And I can tell you this......those type of relationships are a whole lot better than the ones who just want to know everyone's business.

I am so nervous about my bible study class that starts THIS Wednesday!! I have been preparing and preparing and I know I've done my part, the rest is up to the Holy Spirit. I'm nervous, but yet so excited, just ready. Even if just one person shows us, (which I know there will at least be one!) =) God's got something to say just to that one person. And the rest of it, it's just an act of obedience on my part! But there is still that fear of failure in my soul.......and I know, it's a total lie from the enemy. But, when you are getting ready to bear your soul and speak a word from the Lord, there's going to be a LOT of fears.

Well, I'd better get this day going. Lot's to do, and it's going to be a beautiful day, thank you Lord!!

Dearest Lord,

Thank you for this early start to my day this morning. Thank you for speaking to me on friendships and reminding me of your perfect plan for those relationships I have now and those to come. I pray for each of my friends today. I love these women that read this blog, comment, pray and e-mail me, they are someone I too call "friend". Thank you for crazy things like blogs and e-mail, as they do bring more and more people into our lives in the most unique way!

Lord, there have been so many people who have just been a blessing to me through this She Speaks conference. I pray that I may in return be a good friend to them! Lord, because I know that a good, true friend is one that loves, encourages and lifts up the other person all the time. Thank you for allowing me to do this in other's lives the way they have done it for me.

I give you this day, this week, all my "situations" and those on my heart and their situations as well. I lay it all down at your feet and trust that you will meet each of us right where we are today. God speak to me clearly, bring those to this bible study on Wednesday that you need there, not who I want to be there, but those you are gently calling to come. I praise you for what you are going to do through this study and I praise you for what you have already done in my heart and in my life. You are such an amazing God! I love you Lord and I'm so so so thankful for this beautiful day! May it be filled with good and awesome things from you!



Jenny said...

What an exciting post! I ran into a little trouble raising the money and will have to kinda start over BUT I found out today my airline ticket is FREE! So that is a huge relief!

I can't wait to meet all the neat people in person at the conference!

freetofly said...

Nicki, great thoughts! It's wonderful to hear all that God is teaching you! So glad you are making progress for your trip!

Praying for your class!


Sharon Brumfield said...

I will always tell that God that if it is even for just one person I will go.
One year I lead a Bible study for just one woman.It was the most intimate experience.God knew that she would only be at our church for a short time and He wanted to plant some deep things in her life. It was a growing experience for me too.
I often feel like I am going to group unprepared. Like if I could have had just one more hour. But it is usually when I am at the most insecure and lean on Him that the Spirit moves in incredible ways.
And as things are coming out of my mouth--I am learning too. I want to say--Did you hear that? Was that awesome or what?
You are doing it girl!
Keep walking by faith in the one who prepared the way for you before you were even born.
Love you!

Amy E. said...

Hey Nicki,
Sold a few things on ebay (love it!) to help you out -- check your paypal acct. :) It's not much, but hopefully it will help a little!! I'm praying your Bible study goes well this week!! We'll miss you on Wednesday nights!
Love you girl,