Wednesday, February 13, 2008

A Life God Rewards, get comfy, it's long!!! =)

"Every Action of our lives touches some chord that will vibrate in eternity." -Edwin H. Chapin

Last night I finally got the book "A Life God Rewards". I was SO excited to open up this book and curl up with my blanket but I was not prepared for the change my heart would recieve forever from this book. It's incredible and you must read it!! I think it should be required!!

You know, we go through life and we do the best we know how in some situations. We all have fears, failures and frustrations. I really started to think about my life, the good and bad that I have done. There have been people that I have cut ties with, some I don't regret, some I do. I know there were people who invested into Kris and I very early in our marriage and most likely felt like we just "gave them up". Although this was never our intentions or our hearts.....I know something can appear that way.

For me, it was my insecurities, my mistakes, my failures that pulled me away from those God had sent to love me the most. I was in a place in my life that God was not pleased with and I knew that I was loosing relationships that would matter to day. The sad thing is, I know those bridges are burned, there's no going back. I can only move foreword with the friends I have today and put an eternal perspective on all things.

Through this book, a lot of people came to my mind. Things that I have done and said in the past that were not true, were not holy, and were not righteous. Something I truly long for in my life today. I do not know what my future holds as a writer, a speaker or anything that I so want. But, I know that God has made this so clear to me......we only get one shot at this. This is the warm-up that has an eternal effect. I guess as you begin to invest your life into others, you see the worst sides of ministry, honesty and lives. But more than anything, your eyes are opened to who you truly are.

The Lord has me in a very tender spot this morning. Many things, situations and people are in my heart. All of which I wish I could just say, "I'm so sorry." In preparing for The Seven Life Principles for Every Woman, I have faced all the fears of "No one is going to come" "What do I have to say to anyone" "God, did I hear you right on this?"........but more than anything, I've seen this morning that so much of the past, it can be like poision to our souls......eating us away day by day. If we don't just let it go and move on.

I pray that if there is anyone that reads this blog that I have ever offended, hurt or just been a not so good friend to....that they would forgive me and truly know that I have a heart full of repentance. I know there may be family memebers reading this, that I owe that to as well. But at the moment my mind is flooded with people I have wronged. Some that have wronged me......and the way I reacted to their sin. Either way, I am at fault.

I think about my marriage and the husband God has just blessed me many days, weeks and months, I have taken him for granted. Not a good thing friends......not a good thing at all. My motives are not that I would just have a clean slate with all.....or that everyone would like me. My motives are this.....that the day I stand before the Lord, He would be able to find me......faithful, in all that I have said and done. Not that I may recieve awards or hugs and cheers from friends and family, but that everything I do and say will have an eternal perspective. That MY sucking up of the pride, even when my heart hurts more than ever, that it would be just a glimpse as to swallow that pride for the moment, to gain an eternal string...a thread leading to the throne, it's worth it, wouldn't you say?

You know, not everyone is going to like us.......and it's ok. Not everyone is going to want to be our best friends.......and it's ok. Not everyone is going to think God has given us gifts and talents to share with others......and that's ok. Not everyone is going to be a cheerleader for us, even when it's all for the glory of God.....and it's ok. Because what I've seen once again, and I don't know what God is preparing me for, is that I am not here to please anyone but my God. HOWEVER, in pleasing Him, I surely will not ever hurt anyone intentionally, because God is good and His ways are pleasing.

So my life has changed over the years, I have grown closer to him and further from myself and I have truly see what it means to live the life of eternal joy. heart is on my sleeve today, once again. I know my friends can understand this, it's just who I am. I thank you for taking the time each day to read my heart's cries and joys........even though I may not know all of you, or ever meet all of you, I know that one day in heaven.....there will be a section that says, "BLOGGERS"...I will wait for you there, will you wait for me? =)(even if you don't ever leave me a comment....ehhum.) Much love and hope to you all today!!

ps-thanks sharon for trying to helping me on this spell check deal.....I KNOW this one is a bad one, but that's ok....the mask is off, I'm a bad speller. =) love ya girl!!


Jenny said...

I feel like you do. Thank you for helping me to see sometimes you can't fix it you just have to not repeat it again!

I'm new to the blogging thing, but it has been so fun reading all these different blogs and seeing so many people so different but so similar...kinda like a family! :)

amy said...

you've been tagged...check out my blog for details!

Kellan said...

I wish you many blessings on your journey. It is clear that you are close to God and that is the best place to be. I too take people for granted (my husband sometimes) and regret those I have hurt. You have such a kind heart Nicki. Take care and I'll see you soon. Kellan

freetofly said...

Nicki! I just love you to bits! It has been on my heart a lot lately & I have seen lots of comments to the same effect. Many of us are recognizing the ties in the spirit we all have been blessed to find in Bloggydom, and I find myself realizing more and more, that all of us simply MUST have a bloggy meet & greet, no a Bloggy reunion in Heaven! I just know it! I know that God is helping us to encourage one another and to keep on looking forward and to keep running the race!

So glad you got the book & it is a blessing to you! I Love the thought of how our actions impact throughout eternity, but it is humbling, also.

When God got hold of me, one of the first things He changed was my propensity to write people off, to break ties, slam shut & then lock the door. It can be grievous to look back at that, but in time you will rejoice at the progress you have made! I promise!

much love to you!

Sharon said...

It is so good to see what God is doing in your heart.
There have been many times that I just wanted to leave people in their misery and move on.
And sometimes God has told me to brush the dust from my feet and move on. That doesn't mean that the seeds of love I planted won't continue to grow.
But, just this past week I have been given proof that the love of our Father works. I don't know if the battle is over--if there has been a real break through in this persons life-but God has given me a love for this person that just does not make sense to this world.
Can wee love a person to healing? I think Jesus did that for me. Am I willing to do that to another even when they turn and sink their teeth into my jugular? He did.
All of this will matter in eternity.
Several years ago I read a book by Bruce Wilkenson on the vine. The same guy who wrote the book on the Prayer of Jabez.
He spoke about how all of our actions add up to what our eternity will be. We get so stuck on the importance of this life. But this is just the training ground for eternity. Hard to imagine. But each time I allow Him to change me--I am moving closer to the goal or job He
has prepared for me to do in eternity.
He truly is the potter--and He is working on getting me trained and fit for eternity.
There are going to be many tears shed when we see His plan and how far short we fell from it.
Dear God just make us who YOU want and need us to be.

We will rule and reign with Him in eternity.Will we be ready? Only if we submit to His hand.