Monday, October 15, 2007

Contentment in a Happy Home

What do you think makes a happy home? Last night we went to church for a special sermon titled Hero's in the Home. Obviously it was geared towards parents and how much effect we have on our children each day. Often I wonder if my girl's are truly happy. Sometimes I would dare to say no, they are not.....but they are awfully good at putting on that fake smile. But then other times I do think they are truly happy. I don't know how I would describe a happy home......I know how I'd like to describe it: Laughter in the air, no worries, no arguments, parents on the same page all the time, plenty of money, no whines from children.....we'd just love each other all the time! But the truth is, our house isn't this way a good bit of the time.

If there could ever be two opposite people together, it would be Kris and I. The longer we are married the more I see how different we truly are.......and I do mean different!! We have different morals, different standards, different ways of handling problems......we are so different. I'm sure a good bit of it comes from the ways we were raised and a good bit of it comes from the personality types we are......SO OPPOSITE. But lately, and I'll just be honest here, it's been very difficult to be married to him. And no, I'm not bashing him or my marriage.....just go with me here!

For the first few years we were married, Kris pretty much did whatever I wanted to do. He never expressed an opinion or put his foot down to anything. Now whether it's been through prayer, petition or just "growing up", Kris has changed a great deal, and this has caused some conflict in our lives, well more MY life. I am the adventurous one......always looking for something new to do, a place to go and excitement in EVERYTHING. Kris is not........he would be perfectly and I do mean PERFECTLY content to stay at his job forever, live in this house just the way it is, in this neighborhood and just raise our girls and then grow old and die. He would consider this a full life. I however, tend to never accept no for an answer and am always looking for the next new ladder to climb, fence to jump or adventure to begin. I am a "we are just going to believe" kinda girl...........He is a "This is how it is" kinda guy. My faith is my greatest strength and also my greatest weakness. I will believe anything CAN happen. Kris does not.........also his greatest strength yet also a huge weakness.

Now there have been many times where the Lord has stepped down and done some big things in our lives. He definitely has "showed" himself to Kris and only made my faith grow more. I have felt called into the ministry my whole life.......Kris has never felt this way and I don't know if he ever will. We disagree when it comes to money, time and values and we tend to just about disagree on every life situation we have faced. HOW OH HOW you are asking have we made it almost 8 years????? I DON'T KNOW!!! (laughing) It's been a long journey and I will be the FIRST to admit I have wanted to give up and throw the towel in because Kris was not my knight in shinning armor waiting for the next battle to fight to save his princess........SO not our story!!

But even though there have been many disappointments and issues of learning to just get a long with each other........I'm sure he would say the same thing, our love for each other is very real and God's hands have truly been upon our marriage. We know how to show each other we love one another we know our strengths and weakness and we know how to put each other in place in a good way. Although I feel sometimes Kris is smooshing my dreams...he truly is just trying to keep me level headed. And although Kris may feel that I'm pushing him to be something he's not......he needs that extra boost of "you are better than that" to make him press on somedays.

So what do you do when you've got two more opposite than anyone on earth people living together and then you throw in three GIRLS in the midst of it all who each possess their very own unique personalities??? OH MY.......just the thought sometimes makes me quiver and then I have to remind myself that YES THIS IS MY LIFE.'s just not a happy home!! But either we can give up and walk away or we can truly learn to use our strength and weakness to balance our lives out. This is going to require a LOT of give and take........and more of the giving on my part since I tend to take the lead more than I'd like to.

I have learned that a happy home is not the cleanest and most organized and best decorated home. It is a home where children are respectful, godly and truly are learning to become little ladies. It is a home where parents are desperate for the Lord and their children see that. This can only come from a daily walk and a daily desire to be in God's will. I think the girls have seen Kris and I truly taking some serious steps in being obedient........but I will be the first one to admit that contentment sometimes is difficult in obedience. So I have to shift my way of thinking, my big dreams and plans and Kris has to shift his way of thinking of "well this is how it will always be". We have to be open and willing to let the Lord lead. But we also have to be content just with happiness.........and happiness doesn't come from big houses, new cars, awesome clothes, dance lessons, sports or all the latest toys. Happiness comes from us.......the girls are happy if we are happy and if we are not happy........THEY are not happy.

Yes God designed me full of creativity, adventure,passion and fun and yes God designed Kris full of practicality, quietness and logic. But together we truly do possess each quality I would want our girls to have.......we just have to learn to use them in a positive way. I don't have all the answers to that just yet......but at least I realize what NEEDS to happen. But I do know that God will bridge the gap and make things right when I cannot. It will only be through HIS strength that anything good come from anything we do or say. It will only be from His will that our purpose will be fulfilled in this life. And it will only be from His kindness and grace that anything good come from all the bad decisions we have made and done.

So off I be CONTENT in a happy home!!

Just out of curiosity what do you think about these thoughts and what do you think makes a happy home???


Lisa said...

Hey girl....this post sounds so much like our home. We have so many different opinions about things. Mike is a dreamer...he is always saying " I think I would like to do that", only to be saying it again a day or so later about something else. I have gotten to where I will say...."Oh, let me guess, you would like to do that." (LOL)

Nikki, your house sounds just like mine except with role are like Mike, I sound like Kris and instead of three girly's 3 tough boys. I have got to say living with 4 men can be challenging some of the time.

A HAPPY home is love lined with discipline. Godly teachings and living ours lives to set a godly example for our children.

Have a great day,

Leigh Gray said...

oh friend - i am just a few more years ahead of you in marraige. i understand completely all your thoughts. I felt soem of them myself. But as you are learning and me too - it is the differences that makes me what I am today. Clay teaches me so much in our differences. We worship, sing, read, play, talk, pray, walk, listen, discipline, work................ everything is different. Sometimes it crushes me too, but on other days it raises me to new heights. I see the same thing happening for you. Have no expectations - good or bad - just receive and then rejoice... I love what I see happening (from Illinois) in you and Chris. Have a wonderful day!!!

Sharon said...

Keith and I used to be like sand paper in each others lives.
He is the dreamer and I am the realist.
We were both raised differently.
I wanted him to change and he wanted me to change.You add two unhappy adults and you have two unhappy children.
Now things are different. I have learned to be happy with myself and with Keith.I look at things that used to cause me to think critical thought and I give them to GOd.
When God is ready to change things He will work it out.
A happy home for me is a place that is secure from the world. A place where love is shown no matter what the others are doing.
Peace is very important to me. This is hard with the situation with my son and my father in law. But I am leaning to no let it in. I can still be at peace(happy) even when they are not. If I decide I am not going to carry their yuck--I can still be happy.Peaceful=happiness in my eyes.
Keith and I are still working it out. This love of ours has grown in leaps and bounds in the last 3 years-but we have been married for 19 next month.
I am glad God gave me to Keith.
As far as your dreams--no one may understand for awhile. And like the story of Joseph, where he dreamed a dream and he thought he understood one thing--but God expanded that dream and its meaning.
What you see for the future will develop and change as you get closer to Him and He gives you vision to see and understand more.I think of Beth and her husband. She enjoys being around people and being in the ministry. He would rather be in the woods away from people.I am sure that he probably thought Beth was loosing it when she started in the direction she was going.
You hold your dreams before God and then ask God to help you walk it out for Him alone.
If your dream is what God has planned then He is also preparing your husband to stand in support.
I find Keiths laid back personality a good support for mine.
God is working to bring about His purposes even when we are not aware of it.

Valarie said...

Girl. I saw that sweet little Hope last night and I can tell you that IS a happy child. Happiness isn't always laughter and fun times - though that's the way us "dreamer" girls expect it to be - it's in the quietness, the logical times you find it.

Like Leigh said, I'm also just a few years out from where you are and I can tell you that VERY SOON you will appreciate that level headed man of yours! After you get out of the baby days, the days of wanting so much more than diapers and feeding, etc, the days when those girls are a bit more independent and you see Kris' grounded personality in them - THAT'S when you'll appreciate him most! When they're making choices on their own and you see their daddy's personality, oh how you'll love that man of yours even more! TRUST ME ON THIS!!!

My house is WILD at times! Loud, crazy, just WILD but at the end of the day, after prayers are said, my little ones drift to sweet blissful sleep and I know it's ONLY because the Father has driven me to my face on their behalf! I love ya girl and I'm so proud of you!!
See ya.

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