Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Oh go away!!!

That old friend, I shall call her "wanty" came back yesterday. You know, God has been working on me with contentment and I have to confess that this whole situation is VERY difficult to find contentment in. I was thinking yesterday well, "wanty" was thinking........ "Well God why can't we have a great big house? Why can't you just step down and bless our finances so we don't have to struggle anymore? Why does "so in so" get to live in a big nice house?" Yuck........that "wanty" she's not a great friend to have roaming around!! I just wanted to scream at her "Go AWAY!!!"

My faith is there, I know God could do it if he wants to, but I also know there have been times where I've prayed for something and God gave it to me and it ended up being a big mess. So, I definately don't want to pray for anything that is not what God intends for our lives, I just have to pray for my heart to change, drastically. Do you ever feel like all around you, you can see God working but in your own life the blessings seem so far away? When really the blessing is right there, perhaps I just don't want to see it.

Living here with my parents I've truly grown to appreciate a home of my own. Things have been fine here, but my heart does long for our own "sacntuary" again. And it's only been a week!!! AHHHH!!!! =) I guess if we were building or new where we were going, it would be different, we would have something to look foreword to. And I know God's got just the right house for us, it's just not his time yet. Every time I look at a house, I feel God saying, "No, this is not it, keep going."

It's funny but this morning I see that we are all having contentment issues. And granted I could justify them, but I feel like God is saying, "where is your focus today?" I know God cares about this, and I know he wants me to know He cares, I just wish that he would step down and hurry things up a little. Oh that's not the attitude I want to have about this. See "wanty" you gotta go!! You gotta leave me alone!

You know I think I've found my favorite Psalm, there is SO MUCH wisdom in Psalm 73. Listen to this, v.23, "Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand, You guide me with your counsel, and afterwards you will take me into your glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire but you." Oh I SOOOO want that to be my heart today and throughout this time. I have to be content with this situation God has given me, no matter how hard it is. He needs to be all I desire, and I would be honest enough to say that most of the time He is. Most of the time I just crave Him more and more. I just want to be filled with Him all day. But I'm human, I have flesh, that fails me more times that I'd like.

OH my sweet Father,

Thank you for your wisdom today. Thank you for reminding me of your promises to me. Thank you for blessing me Lord, oh you have blessed me so much. Thank you for all of your gifts and help me to treasure them much less than I treasure you. Lord, you have been so good to me this morning and you have filled me up with contentment in you. Oh how I wish I could sit at your feet all day long and just be filled. But Lord, I know you are with me this whole day. I know you love me and you are guiding me into your precious promises.

Amen my Lord.......Amen


Sharon said...

I forget now how I got to your blog but I stayed and read around for awhile.
We are in an in between stage as far as houses goes.We are not living with my parents but we are not living in our own home either. We tore down our home to rebuild and because of different circumstances we have- 5 months later still not been able to start build. We are currently living in our camper--not complaining--and God has told us that we now need to look for something already built.
I need Him---I heard a lot of that in your posts.
Keep pursuing--he will be found. That is what keeps me moving on and pressing in.

Nicki said...

Thanks for the encouraging words Sharon, I'm always amazed at who God brings into my life each day, even through the "blog world", You are SO RIGHT, He will be found through this!!! Blessings to you today!!!

Valarie said...

Girl, I feel you on this one! We also are renting a home that belongs to our friends so I know the feeling! Get this...my neighbor across the street just had her sister-in-law who is a DINK buy her a home in an AWESOME neighborhood. It's 3 X the size of the one they were in and yes, they're paying NOTHING to live there!!

I understand your feelings of "when is it my turn" especially when you see other's around you but girl, BE STRONG! Don't give the enemy that small victory! Pick up your sword and FIGHT HIM WITH IT! I have to do it DAILY - sometimes HOURLY!! I'm with you girl! We've got the VICTORY!!!