Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Who am I?

This morning, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching. Being a young mom isn't always easy. I always hear comments like, Oh you're so lucky or.......You're just a baby still! And not that I take offence to those comments, but I have to be honest here, it's not always easy. There are many days like this morning, where I wander down that "what could've been" road. And oh does Satan like me to go down the "what shoulda been" road. I've been very open and honest on here about my past mistakes and how God has turned those around into victories. But, some days, just some days, I just can't help but wonder......who am I? Am I going in the right direction? Is this the life God intended for me and I just got there a little sooner than I was supposed to?

I have always wanted to be a mom, as far back as I can remember my "babies" were so special to me. In fact, I've always wanted to have three little girls as long as I can remember. Do you think possibly the way we "play" as kids has anything to do with how our lives turn out? I can see Taylor growing up to be a very responsible, perhaps doctor, but Ms.Hopie, she's the "mommy type". She reminds me so much of myself. I'm not sure what Kennyboo is going to be like yet, although she does hug her baby dolls already. I just can't wait to see what these girls turn out to be.

But, then on days like this I have to remember, that God has laid before me a task like no other. Raising three girls in a world that is so un-modest, so un-godly and so un-moral. Whew......just thinking about that could send a girl into a frenzy! But, I know that if I'm covering these girls in God's love and His power, I just can't go wrong. They can go wrong, they can take wrong turns and I'm sure they will, but HE never goes wrong. So, no matter what I really want to be when "i grow up", I know I'm always gonna be a momma, and that's the #1 task. Well, #3 (christian, wife, then mom). There are many things in life I'd like to do, and perhaps God will allow me to one day become a writer, or even gasp.........a speaker!, I don't know, all I know is each day He is teaching me somethings, many things that I may or may not use one day.

All I know is this, 2 Corinthians 5:7 "We walk by faith, not by sight." I cannot see what the future holds but I know my faith is going to be there all the way. No matter what life brings good or bad, my faith will still be walking with me.

Sorry, nothing to deep this morning.........so much on my mind. I thought I had ALL my furniture sold yesterday and then the people never showed up or called. Doesn't that just stink???!!! I'm selling them on this thing called Craigslist. If you've never checked it out before, DO!! It's so awesome, and it's FREE!! It's the best kept secret in selling stuff! =) But at least the kitchen table is sold. One big item down, a bunch to go. For those of you wondering why on earth we're selling everything it's so we don't have to pay to have it in storage, I figure if I can get what I paid for everything, stick it in savings, until we know where we're going, I'm doing better than paying a ton of money to put stuff in a climate controlled storage. Then we get new stuff! Well, not new, I never buy anything new. But you know what I mean!

Anyways, better run, Hope's got school, Taylor and I are going to organize clothes today. She's SOOOO excited!!! =) hee hee!! We'll do something fun one day this week. Poor girl. Have a blessed day!


Leigh Gray said...

Hey again - I just love reading your insight. I am with you. Yes, i may be doing soemthing from time to time, but I too wonder what I am suppose to be doing. All my kids will be in school in 2 years and then what??? I am not sure we ever get over this.

I have to just take it day to day. I have to remember that everyday is ministry. Some days, like when i go speak on thursday, i know exactly what it wil be and what i am going to say. But then on the other days we are just the same. Going about our day minsitering in the grocery store, at home, with the hubbies, in car line, etc......... ministry never stops. our purpose never stops, and stuff never stops. We have to have on our armor and fight the good fight - those worth fighting!

well, aren't i very chatty today. Talk to you soon.

The Cupcake Lady said...

Hi Nicki!

Thanks for dropping by my blog today and I appreciate the comment. I would love for you to nominate someone for the cupcake prize! Just don't forget that they have to be in San Diego (so I can deliver them - that's where we live).

Your blog is awesome. I only got to read a few posts but I will definitely be back. You have a very sweet family. :)

Love, Steph

Anonymous said...

Praise the Lord! Way to go Nikki - so glad that you and Kris had a great weekend and that you SURVIVED the race - what an accomplishment! Don't feel bad about being young - that is why you were able to shower and go out after the race. :) You motiviate me - You need to - I will be 40 very soon! Have a great week with Taylor - tell her that I miss her!

Kim Staples