Tuesday, January 09, 2007

The Real Me

I've gotten off to a late start this morning. I have the most awful headache. I have a feeling I may have a toothache as well because it's one of those pains that just shoots down the side of your face. But, anyways, ibuprofen is a good thing!!!

This morning I just can't get this song out of my head by Natalie Grant, I think it's called The Real Me or it may be it's called Glass House, I don't know why I think it's called that but, for some reason I do! =) It's a song about how God sees the Real Us. There's no front, there's no hiding anything, God sees it all. So this morning in my quiet time I've stopped to think about the real me............not exactly the most fun I've ever had in my quiet time.

I don't know about you, but I have more than once been the one to put on the "church face" Sunday mornings! I would probably be one of the fakest people at church most Sundays. After chaos and normally an argument between Kris and I, on the way to church, MOST Sundays when I arrive at church, I'm certainly not in the "church mood" but I will put up a front, who doesn't?? God sees it all, from my moments of weakness, to my days of triumph. (sometimes it's reversed: days of weakness, moments of triumph...) He really does know the "real me". He knows my hearts longings to be His sold-out servant. He knows my really deepest desire to have that fairy tale love story in my life. He knows the nights where I cling to the pillow and hide my tears. He's there, he's there when I lock myself in the closet and plug my ears with praise and worship music to escape to His throne through the madness from that day! (yes, I really do that) He's there when friends let me down, or when I let friends down. He's there as I shed tears holding my baby knowing that she is my last, he knows how my heart longs for these days where the girls are so small. He knows my greatest sadness and joy are these girls growing up. He's always there, watching and knowing me better than anyone ever could. He knows what makes me laugh, what makes me smile and what makes me cry. He knows my greatest fears and the things that truly makes my heart ache.

He's there as I clean, cook and do these never-ending loads of laundry. He knows how much I hate doing it too. He's there as excitement fills my hands as I write bible studies and journals. He knows there are days when I feel that no one in this world is my friend....how it brings tears to my eyes many days, (although it's not true) And there He sits reaching His hand out to me. He knows the real me, He knows the good and the bad. He knows how I cry for others through their pain, He knows how I rejoice for others through their triumphs. He also knows when I'm jealous or envious of what He's given others. Oh yes, He knows the real me. More than I would like sometimes. Although I can hide the real me from you, I cannot hide anything from God. I cannot draw up a front when I come before Him, He always knows my real heart. I can't put on the "church face" when I'm with him for he will know.......the real me. Oh how I hope that God is pleased with the real me most days.

Well, on another note......Bible study was awesome last night! My heart was just filled with joy and laughter as we met, we have a GREAT group of women!!! It's so neat to see God's hand upon this bible study! Our group has grown a little, which is always a good thing! I was very nervous as I prepared for this study. I've really put a lot of my heart into it this time. Not that I didn't last time, but I think I've seen that God is requiring me to be "real" and open up and share things that I don't always want to. But I know that God has allowed me to go through some things in my life to develop me and change me, and most importantly to make me more sensitive to others. So, God was there last night and I'm so excited!!!

Hopie just came in and told me she has a throat problem........now she's making weird noises like she's got something in her throat. Oh Lord, please don't let it be strep. We've been so healthy for two weeks now!! Kennedy goes tomorrow morning for her tubes in her ears. I know she will be fine but still, as ANY mom would be, I'm a little anxious about it. Just the fact of them putting her to sleep because you just never know how they will react when they wake up. When Taylor had her surgery she was PSYCHO when she woke up. I don't say that in a mean way......I say it to emphasize that she was NOT herself when she woke up. Screaming and kicking.......ugh......it was awful. But she was also two. Well, I guess I'd better go examine Ms.Hope to see if she can go to pre-school. Oh I hope she's ok!!!!

I hope you have a very blessed REAL day!!

ps-still didn't hear back from the interview........just waiting!!!

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