Thursday, August 05, 2010

I know He's working while I wait.

One of my favorite worship songs is From the Inside Out by Hillsong. I love that song because it really makes me stop and evaluate my heart. And that is where I find myself this morning...evaluation.

A thousand times I fail, your mercy remains.

I will be completely honest and tell you that my heart aches right now knowing that my story is in the hands of complete strangers [in the form of a book proposal] and they will most likely look at it and say, "Thanks but no thanks."

I don't say that to make you feel sorry for me, or to play the humble pie card. The facts are, it's very hard to get published and I am fully aware of that.

My heart and my soul, I give you control.

Yet, I continue to seek His plan for my life. And then I think of you, who sits on the other side of this computer screen. The things your hearts ache for...healing, babies, marriages made whole, the right husband or just enough to pay the bills this month.

Inside each of our hearts are the aches that we long to be fulfilled and not even for our own purposes. We long for things to make us greater in Him.

The art of loosing myself in bringing you praise.

I read verses like Psalm 56:8:

You've kept track of my every toss and turn
through the sleepless nights,
Each tear entered in your ledger,
each ache written in your book.

And know that God sees every longing and ache in our lives. And He's keeping track. And He's watching over us. And He loves us like no one ever will. And He believes in us more than anyone. All those ugly tears that we have cried, He knows the number -that blows my mind away.

Consume me from the inside out.

He knows our motives. What we do when no one is looking -good and bad. And He knows when our hearts are good and pure.

Let justice and praise become my embrace to love you from the inside out.

And so today, I lay my Nicki Koziarz, heart down before Him. I praise Him for the things He is doing that I cannot see or know about right now. I ask Him to hold my heart carefully and its as if He looks at me and says, "Would I do it any other way?"

God is for us. He's on our side. He's with us. The Lord looks at all the girls in this world and chooses you and I for His purpose. We just have to wait...on Him.

Love Him from the inside out.

1 comment:

Running the race said...

Oh Nicki, thanks for being transparent in what is going on. We serve a wonderful God who has your life in his hands (Thank goodness right?!) Hang in there for the ride as God begins to reveal the next phase of your life. You are a blessing to us! Hugs and love