Friday, January 29, 2010

The cycle of defeat.

A few days ago I was chatting to a friend on the phone. I have noticed a pattern in my friend's life, she seems to go through a massive amount of the roller coaster of defeat, a lot. She prays for something, she's challenged by something and then she's defeated before victory has even had the chance to arrive.

It's a cycle. Over and Over and Over.

But, I've also noticed that this seems to be true in many women's lives...including my own.

Last night I was in the midst of preparing for a speaking event coming up. While I am very excited about this event, I have to be totally honest for a second. I prayed for opportunities to come, the opportunity came and I haven't even fulfilled the opportunity and I feel...defeated.

How can you even feel defeated without even attempting something?

The desire to serve God is definitely there but the passion for this particular situation has not come. And sometimes I think if there's no passion...then how can we fulfill the desire of God's heart in this situation.

Perhaps I should explain that this event is something that is a way stretch for me. Something that makes me shake in my pants because I am so terrified. Not because it's some huge opportunity or anything that brings me any kind of glory...hear me say that. But because it's such a raw place in my soul that sometimes I cry just thinking about going back to that place. There's no desire to uproot those painful experiences that I went through.

So I posed a question to God last night and my facebook friends. {wink} I asked this question: Can He fill us with a passion for something we have no desire for? Or does God make us passionate about the things we desire?

I received a lot of great comments and appreciated every one's insight. One of which I'd like to share with you:

I think God's desire for us is much more about personal holiness instead of really specific "to-do's." He is far less worried about the job we do for Him and much more worried about who we become by getting to know Him. The rest seems to fall in place. I have stopped saying, "God,I want to do this" or "God, let me do this" and have started saying, "God I will serve you no matter where I land or where circumstances take me." Then we release the control over just where that might be. Our ideas would pale in comparison to what He has in mind, anyway.

This morning I crawled into the Father's arms and opened up the living word. And He spoke those very same words from my friend who wrote them in a modern day way. I was reading in the book of Luke through a passage of scripture I've read a million times. Luke 13, The Narrow Door.

Typically we use this passage of scripture to share with an un-believer how hard it is to know and accept the truth of God. But today it spoke to me in a whole new way.

"Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you will try to enter and not be able to." (v24)

Loyalty. What will we do with the narrow doors that come our way in this life of ours?

My footnotes said something that really struck me: There were only a few followers that were loyal.

It would be super easy to write this event off as just something I'm not passionate about. I think a lot of Christians use that line. In fact, with my phone call with my friend that day I heard that same tone, "I'm just over this."

But God doesn't call us to be "over" anything that He challenges us in this life with. He doesn't call us to be quitters, He calls us to be perseveres. So take heart today and know that thing that makes you and I shake in your pants and you have no desire for, is probably the area that God needs to use us the most in right now.

Be one of the few. The loyal. The passion to be obedient will see us through to the desire of what door He has set before us.


Lelia Chealey said...

Hey Girlfriend!!! Such an incredible post. I love how God will use people or things (frozen socks ;)) to get His point across to us. Beautiful message here and I love this part:
Be one of the few. The loyal. The passion to be obedient will see us through to the desire of what door He has set before us.

Be one of the few. Let's do it!
love you!

Terri Tiffany said...

Oh you got me here. It's my heart's desire to be a speaker as well as writer but I am so afraid of standing up in front of a room full of people--I defeat myself before I try. recently I was asked to speak on writing to a group of older folks--missionaries and such. You know, last week, I turned them down. Mostly out of fear but now I'm working too. Still, I didn't know that yet--just convinced myself I could never do a good job.
Thanks for a good post:)

Tracy said...

Love the advice that someone gave you... That hits the nail on the head!

Thank you Lord! And may the Lord be glorified in everything He calls you to do! {Even the dishes ;-))

Wylie said...

A beautiful word Nicki!

愛睏 said...

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Kay Martin said...

Great word....and remember we all have an enemy who seeks to deceive and fill us with fear when we have times to show Him through our lives: speaking, singing, leading, etc.

I now figure when all those thoughts suddenly fill my mind that I am on a critical assignment from Heaven and all Hell is most upset. That one thought turns fear and defeat into empowerment.

Keep on with all you're doing so well.

Running the race said...

Nicki..I still go back to your post the other day when you were tempted with the cupcakes and Kennedy said shhhhhhh..there is a snake on your head! That dog gone snake would love to have us defeated in what ever we are doing.

I love the story I heard not to long ago. In the book of Matthew Jesus was on a high when he got baptised by John the Baptist and heard strait from his father.."This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased" No sooner does he hear that than satan trys to discourage Jesus and tempt him after being hungry for 40 day. He knows the scripture and even tried to use it but twisted it around incorrectly! We must combat satan with using Gods word "It is written.."

When I began thinking about this pattern in my life I had an ahah moment. We can have victory..the toshay of "It is written and quote back the scripture correctly to the enemy.