Thursday, August 20, 2009

A raw heart.

What a trying couple of weeks this has been. Wow.

The other day I was thinking to myself, "I can't wait for things to get back to normal."

But then...what is "normal" anymore? Just the typical chaos? Just the typical crisis? Or the typical road block?

Hmm.

So because life has seemed to be heading on at a warping speed, one that I just can't seem to keep up with, it has left this girl sitting before you with one, very, raw heart.

But, I'm not quite sure that having a raw heart is such a bad thing.

I was thinking about my raw heart the other day as I was cooking some chicken on the grill. Before that meat was cooked it was very soft, easy to absorb a marinade or some type of seasoning. It's got blood still running through it and to cut through and it seems to have a lot of potential.

Unfortunately, I have been known to overcook a piece of meat here and there. {wink}

And it would be very easy to do if I let that meat sit in one spot for an extended amount of time. In fact if the heat is high enough, it would only take a matter of minutes for that meat to become something worthy of the trash can.

How similar our hearts are friends.

I've been thinking about the way He loves our rawness in all it's fullness because there and only there can we truly become "seasoned" and "marinated" in all His goodness, in all His grace and in all His mercy.

These past few weeks it has been easy to sit all of my thoughts on one conversation, one situation, one crisis, one wrong-doing or even one shoulda-coulda-woulda. Because, trust me, there has been some situations lately that I could easily pick and choose to make me hard as a rock....and I could probably justify it.

But I've really come to terms that the more I allow my heart to feel those raw emotions, the things that don't feel so good,the things that are painful and not pleasant... the more room He has to dwell. Because when those wounds are open and still a little fleshly...The more room I have to soak up who He is.

However, it would be very easy to fuel the fire and before I would knew it, I could become just a burnt, hard and rocky soul.

I am thinking about these words in Psalm 119:71 that say, "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees."

How true.

How right on.

How painful.

But how I don't want to trade anything that brings me closer to Him for...anything.

I love you my bloggy friends and thank you for all your love and support the past few weeks. God's people are amazing to me, how we can step away from our "boundaries" and love each other no matter what. To pray when prayer is needed, to support whether we agree or not and to draw each other to the throne of God in a life-changing way. Because I think...no I know....that's what God wants us to do.

So from one raw heart to another, be blessed in Him today.
~Nicki

***Update on my mom, she's doing great, surgery was awesome and she's feeling really good! I will update with more details as the results come in and she knows the next course of action. She thanks all of you for your prayers and sweet words and kindness.

5 comments:

Faith said...

Let Him do the binding up...this rawness is not a bad thing if it's bringing you to a more intimate place with Him and a greater awareness of His love and deep desire for you. Take the time with Him so that He can heal the broken places.

Praying for you sweet friend! So glad to hear that your mom is doing well!

ValleyGirl said...

SO glad to hear your mom's doing well. No doubt these last few weeks have put you through the emotional wringer!!

I like this post, Nicki. I think you've nailed it perfectly ~ rawness is the state where we DESIRE to immerse ourselves in God's grace and mercy. It's really not a bad place to be even though it usually feels that way.

sharon said...

Continue to be WHO YOU ARE...I love who I've seen you become...which is an awesome Christian woman...

Kelly Combs said...

Glad your mom is doing well. You know raw meat is the perfect meat to add seasoning too. Let God's word marinate in your heart!

Kay Martin said...

I love knowing and having this blog to stay close to you as God shows you life according to Him.

I recall when I came to realize "normal" was not what I had imagined. Pain and Joy are both part of real wide open adventurous living in Christ.

Thank God you're moved in, your mom is on her way to full recovering, your writing and speaking gifts are being seen and noticed by people in high places and your precious family is new places and God is so pleased.

I don't have any wisdom for you to hang onto about the pain and fast moves in life. I know now from experience that Jesus Christ is enough. I don't care what we go through He is ENOUGH.

Love you so.