Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Truth hurts......FOR REAL

"The Truth is that many of us waste time trying to cover up for the things we don't like about ourselves seeking to hide our pain." -Lisa Whittle, Behind Those Eyes


It's very real isn't it?

I have been hurt, many times in my life. And I'm sure there are those that would say I have hurt them.

Maybe it's not intentionally, Maybe it's not even noticed.

But the fact is........pain isn't pleasant.

I have never woken up and stretched my arms out and said, "Hmmm....today I'd like to inflict pain upon so in so."

As I'm quite sure you haven't either.

But the fact is.......we all hurt each other.

Although......Trying to figure out why someone causes us pain, can cause pain too!

Not understanding their motives or intentions behind their actions or words.......listening to the cues and words........replaying events over and over in our minds trying to "understand it".......and worst of all.....the sickening feeling in our stomach when we see someone who has indeed caused us pain.

My soul is so sad right now. The depths of my heart cry out to God to pull me away from this hurt....to make my mind stop spinning...to understand why people act the way they do....and to fully comprehend how people can act one way on this day......and totally different on the next.

I'm getting ready to embark on a new adventure with the Lord.

And it's something I'm fighting all the way.


Because I know as I take these steps....pain will occur. It's not going to be easy and this one.....isn't something my best girl friends are going to be able to walk beside me with . They don't have the same struggles that I do. We are all different....and that's ok.

Through this situation with my eye (Which BTW is doing great! Thanks for the prayers, love and support!) I have had to do some serious soul searching. Only because this medicine I'm on, allows me to wear every emotion I have on my sleeve.

It's been a blessing....and a curse. Just ask that cashier who wasn't going to triple my coupon on Sunday! Ha ha! JUST KIDDING. =)

But, being in denial about our lives is a bad place to be. Or so I'm finding out!

I am thankful for Lisa's book, Behind Those Eyes because it's allowed me to search my soul deep and wide.

I am thankful for God's timing for this medicine because it makes it very easy to "feel" again.

Jeremiah 49:10 says this, "I will uncover his hiding places, so that he cannot conceal himself."

You see........we can hide, we can "front", we can play the role until we win an Oscar....but God sees it....He knows it.

And like my case......sometimes we have to go through something like a tumor in our eye, to understand what it means to "see it through".

These next few weeks, I am going to be on my face in prayer like never before. I need to feel God's breath on me every second of every day! I am so desperate for His unfailing touch in my soul. To pull me out of the depths and to stand upon the mountain of victory holding His hand in mine. To not take ONE STEP on my own.

For Him to say "Jump" and I say, "How high?"

Yes........I need God to "put me in check". Oh Lord, did I really just say that?

The truth is painful........yes.

But victory is healing....yes, oh yes.


ValleyGirl said...

And I will be praying right along with you.

The Patterson 5 said...

You wrote,

You see........we can hide, we can "front", we can play the role until we win an Oscar....but God sees it....He knows it.

He knows it all and loves us and feels our pain right along with us. And He also is all knowing. He knows the hearts and intentions of others even though we can not.

May You continue to feel God's presence, His love, His compassion as you are embarking on this new adventure with the Lord.

I will continue to pray along with you and for you.


nanatrish said...

The truth does hurt. It especially hurts when we find out about ourselves. This past week has been a real revelation to me. I was very emotional (I've stopped taking hormones after 28 years of taking them) and tired and words came out of my mouth to my boss that so should have stayed inside. Praise the Lord I still have a job, but it did humble me. I usually like to think of myself as this meek sweet person and in reality I have a temper just like everyone else. I have been praying about this and I will be helping to pray with you about what He is doing in your life. You are a very special person and the Lord is working in your life. luv,Trish

Louise said...

You can do it girl and surrendering yourself completely to Christ is an awesome place to be, yes not always the easiest but the most rewarding in the end!
HUGS I will be thinking of you ;)

Wendy said...

Wow, I'll pray along with you and for you. Please keep us informed how all is going.

On a lighter note, we are collecting thoughts on the toughest thing about being a woman (for our new Beth Moore study!!). Please pop over to my blog and leave your list!! :) Thanks!

Kay Martin said...

Again I finish writing my blog and trip over to yours and we are on the same subject. I love it!!!

Yes, truth can be painful, but it's a good hurt. When we have an abcessed tooth or an alien growth It hurts initially when we have surgery, but then we feel the best we felt in some time.

Likewise, truth is our way to freedom. No one in their right mind would choose the comfort of bondage over the joy of freedom.

I loved your honest discussion of trying to figure out why people act the way they do. One thing that happened to me around age 50 was giving up trying to figure anyone out but me.

God will bless your honest true heart. As hard as 2008 has been for you and yours (I pray for you often), I believe you will refer to this year as a breakthrough year spiritually.

God bless and keep you. Loved your writing today. Thank you for this blessing.

Joyful said...

Nicki, I'm so glad to read that your eye is healing. I've been continuing in prayer over that concern. Today I will add praise as I pray for you.

Jeremiah 49:10, "I will uncover his hiding places, so that he cannot conceal himself."

I don't know that I've ever taken note of that verse before, but how it spoke to me this morning. Just yesterday I was sharing something with a friend. We had been out together for dinner, and tall candles were lit in the center of the table. She leaned over shortly after we sat down and blew them all out saying, "I want to see you when I talk to you."

This gesture wrote such a lesson over my heart. She cared enough to see me. It made me think of my Heavenly Father who wants to "blow out the candles" so to speak, so that He can see all of me. He wants to remove anything that stands in the way of our communion together. He wants to "uncover" hidden places and know me thoroughly. He wants to extinguish any 'false light' so that only His radiance will shine through.

Nicki, my heart rejoices in your desire to follow hard after God. I will be praying that you will experience the breath of heaven and feel the warmth of His hand in yours guiding you every moment of every day.

Love & prayers,

Marilyn in Mississippi said...

So glad to hear that your eye is doing better!


Pinkshoelady said...

I am so glad your eye is better and I agree with this post so much!

I will be praying with and for you!

You go girl!

Faith said...

Praying for victory for you and for me!!!

Jamie @ Purposeful Pursuit said...

Sounds like your heart is in the right place...desperate for Him. I'll be praying for you, friend!

Cindy said...

You are exactly where I have been in the past couple of weeks while reading Lisa's book. God is going to walk with you to your breakthrough.
I will be waiting excitedly to hear how He does it and to see the joy He fills you with.
Bless you are you journey,

Sharon Brumfield said...

I hear you girl....let Him walk you through this.
I will be praying.
I am afraid that if God really let us see the church we would see a bunch of wounded soldiers walking around.
Armor worn over a wounded heart does not heal it.....it just disguises it.
Let Him have His perfect work so that you can be complete and whole.
It is going to be a beautiful thing.