Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Believing when not seeing

Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed, blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." -John 20:20

There is so much I am sitting at the Lord's feet this morning. My doctor appointment went well, but he gave me some news I wasn't thrilled with. I will most likely be on these steroids for MONTHS.

A few weeks? I was ok with that. Months???? No.

He said given the alternative, radiation, it's my best bet right now. I know you are going, ok so that's good! But, this medicine is effecting every part of my body. So, it's going to be a longer road than I thought. But, I'm trusting. I have to. It's the only thing that gets me through each day. Believing that this medicine and my amazing God is working.

It's just hard, because I can't "see" the tumor shrinking. I can feel the medicine throughout my body, I can feel my eye opening up more, I can feel, feel, feel!! =) But I guess I want to SEE IT GONE off that CAT scan. Then I will believe???

Isn't it just as easy to want to give up on God when we can't "see" Him working? We go to church and get a "feel good" message or sing a song about His amazing power, love and trust. We'll read a book or watch a movie that will bring us to tears and remind us that God is always working. Those days, it seems a little easier.

But what about when life seems to be still, on hold, or not moving as quickly as we'd like it to?

Where is our giant faith on those days where we can barely feel the wind pass us by?

I've been thinking a lot about that the past few days. I so badly want to believe God, I so badly want to see Him work, see Him move....but will I be content in the "be still" mode??

But also, I want so badly to jump up and say, "Look what MY GOD DID!!!"

It's almost as if God just whispered, "Nicki, there are just things you cannot know about right now. Things that are unseen to your eyes and unheard to your ears."

But just as this verse says, "BLESSED are those who have NOT seen and yet have believed..." What a sweet reminder to you and I today to keep believing in what we have not seen yet. What we have not experienced yet. What we cannot know about right now or hear about right now.


It's the only way.

What are you not seeing but believing for today?


ValleyGirl said...

You remember in the movie The Santa Clause 2 where the kid shakes up the sno-globe for the principal and she sees Santa whooshing through the sky? Remember what the kid says?

Seeing isn't believing; believing is seeing.

Seeing God work in your life, seeing His loving arms around you when things aren't going so well, seeing His attention to details we missed, seeing His love for us on a daily basis...

...DESPITE our circumstances.

THAT IS BELIEVING!! Your sight is getting stronger, Nicki.

Cindy said...

My husband has been taking steroids for nearly 5 years. I do understand how you are feeling. It's not the best but the end result for you will be great.

Keep believing though you cannot see results. God does His best work in winter under the ground, unseen by human eyes, and then comes spring!!

Jenny said...

I have been a recluse lately. It seems like I have missed alot going on in your life.

I'll be praying for you all!


LeAnne said...

Yep, I needed this one today. Things are sitting still for us (so it seems). I'm thinking that things were supposed to have changed already. But they haven't. I try to remember that God's an On Time God, that He does things in His timing when I think times almost up. But its hard sometimes because now it's the 11th hour and I'm a little nervous.

Melissa said...

Wow....I needed to read this today! The Lord told me to read your blog and now I know why. I am believing for something right now in my life. The Lord has told me He is working.....I just cannot see it right now. It will all happen when the time is right. Thank you Nicki for your words today, they truly blessed me.


Kay Martin said...

It's so hard to pray and "sense" God's working in us when our health is shaken. Be kind to yourself; God is working your healing all the time...your good days when you think you pray and have the "right" attitude toward your tumor; and on your bad days when your human self is not at all at peace with things.

That's the amazing mercy and grace of our Father in Heaven, Jesus Christ our Savior, Holy Spirit our comforter and guide.

Nicki, you're doing great. LIking this journey is not expected. Seeing God is more than sight; and your faith is coming through loud and clear.

Know we all love you; and being friends, we want everything over with right now. But healing is not always instant. But healing is wonderful even if a process of time is necessary.

Love you so.

On Purpose said...

I can't see you Nicki...but I am believing He is taking such great care of you my friend.

Faith said...

Oh girl, this post speaks right to my heart. I am here, right now, and I am believing Him for my baby. And, everyday holds a possiblity of a miracle!

Still praying for you...

Joyful said...

Nicki, I'm believing God for you! I have continued in prayer daily for you and I'm trusting God.

"Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen". Hebrews 11:1

He is able to do immeasurably more than you can ask or imagine. (Eph. 3:20)

Believing God,

MelanieJoy said...

Girlfriend I'm so in the boat with you on this one! "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" Matt. 9:24

My Army Brats and Me said...

Just wanted you to know that I love ya


Amy L Brooke said...

Wow. Thanks for sharing all that.

As I've struggled with depression, there have been times that I have wondered why God didn't just zap it and make it better. Sometimes I think there must be something in the process that I am suppose to learn. I know it is frustrating, but trust God to always hold you in the palm of His hand!

Jennifer said...

Your post was great for me today...there are several very specific prayer requests that I have had for a long time - or what seems like a long time. I believe with all my heart that God is going to answer those requests...but I often do not "see" Him working or making progress. I have to choose to continue believing - thanks for the reminder.

Sharon Brumfield said...

I know that He began a good work in you...and I know that He will complete it....because you and I know He can not lie. SO if part of the good work looks like something that could not possible be good...we will choose not to lean on our own understanding but in all our ways will acknowledge Him. Right?
We will acknowledge that He is all powerful and nothing takes place in a body He bought and paid for unless He allows it. And when The Healer moves...nothing will stand in His way.
There is a song right now that has hit me...
"peace be still
peace be still
please be still and know that I am God".
He is calling us to be faithful girl...even when our emotions want to run in the other direction.
So I speak to the living spirit in you and I say, Choose LIFE. In each thought choose life. Bring it in subjection to what you know to be true.
I know He is in charge. And so even if my husband does not have a job right now, even if I don't have a house, even if my deposit for a house is dwindling.....I will choose to bring LIFE into the situation.He is in charge....and when He is ready for the situations to change...that will happen. Not because I chose to gripe and whine...but because He taught me what He needed to teach me and now it is time for the GLORY to burst through the seeming darkness. That is what I am believe and seeing with my spiritual eyes.
I am praying for you girl....praying for you to take from this what can not be taken from you by moth or rust or thief. In Jesus name.