Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Doing what you know

Last week I met with our women's minister at our church and I was able to share my heart with her and where I feel the Lord leading. She was able to guide me through the process of leading a bible study at our church. She gave me numerous books, guides and topics to think and pray about. At first I truly thought that Beth Moore's Book, "Get out of that Pit" would be a great study to do, but as I read through it, not that I didn't love it, It just didn't catch my heart right away. So over the last few days I've been just glancing through a few studies that she let me borrow. I think God is speaking..........whoa, is He speaking.

There is this book called Seven Life Principles for Every Woman. It's written by Sharon Jaynes and Lysa Terkeurst and it's amazing!!! As I opened up to chapter 3 it was written by Lysa....she was describing the time in her life where she met "Mr.Wonderful" and fell into temptation, she too got pregnant but had an abortion before they were married. I could SOOO identify with the words she wrote: "This was the day I had dreamed of. I was surrounded by everyone I loved. My dress made me feel like a princess, and the church and reception hall never looked more beautiful. But as I walked down the aisle, my heart was broken. I pressed my bouquet against my chest hoping no one would see the shame I had buried there. You see, just a few months earlier, I had found out I was pregnant. I was terrified to tell my friends for fear of being an outcast. After all, I thought, if they find out I'm not perfect, then I can't be a Christian."

She walked in similar bondage that I too walked, and I could identify greatly!! The more I read this book, the more I can truly see this is where my heart is. This is what I "know"......I know how it feels to walk in darkness and shame and to feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I know how many times we as the body of Christ let each other down because we are simply not "perfect". Oh how we've got to remove the mask........we've got to get real and dig down deep.

Someone said to me that I shouldn't pursue talking about this topic in my life, because it was so "minute" in the whole scheme of things.....I think this is where God is going to use me the most because it was the hardest time of my life and such a tragedy in my walk with the Lord........but turning tragedy's into triumph's is the business our God is in!! =) And boy oh boy do I need to grasp these concepts in this book:

1. Revere Jesus Christ as Lord
2. Love, Honor and Respect Your Husband
3. Nurture Your Children
4. Create a Loving Environment for Family and Friends
5. Faithfully Oversee Time and Money (uh hum....)
6. Mentor Others, Develop Godly Friendships
7. Extend Yourself to Meet Community Needs

You know, I'm so thankful for my husband.....I truly am. And He does deserve so much more of a Proverbs 31 woman than I am. I fail pretty much daily in this aspect. A good friend of mine has just seen her marriage turn around drastically with her obedience with one aspect of their marriage. And I've seen with my own eyes their lives changing, it's great! And I realize that Kris needs so much from me..........he especially likes a clean house, dinner cooked, things organized and well mannered kids when he arrives home. (ha) So I think that this bible study is going to be awesome for me to do more than anything!! I need to get it right in my heart once again..........walk around this mountian again. =) My man has stood by me when many other's would have already turned and walked away. I'm telling ya'll........he shoulda kicked me to the curb a LONG time ago!

So Lord, confirm this vision of mine........make it come to reality if this is your plan! I have been seeking, seeking and seeking some more and I truly feel this is where you are leading.......if I am wrong knock me to a dead stop right now, today. Make my eyes so clear that I can only see your hands upon this, not mine or anyone else's.


ValleyGirl said...

I heard it said once that church is the most dangerous place to really say how you feel or what's going through your head. It's sad, and it shouldn't be that way of course, but there is undoubtedly the expectation that if you're a Christian, you'll always be happy and never sin. We all know that's a joke and yet...

Valarie said...

God is moving in so many ways! Girl, I'm so anxious to see him break you out of your shell!!! I think the thing we try to "hide" or stuff away in the closet is the VERY thing He intended to use us for all along! I know that's true in my own life, for sure!

I love ya girl and I just can't wait!!!

Leigh Gray said...

Nicki - authencity and realness are what the world is starving for - bring it girl and stand tall in forgiveness and grace!!! And extend that mercy to all!!

I am so excited for you!!