Friday, November 30, 2007

Things change quickly round here!

This morning, I'm really not feeling all that great, there seems to be a cold passing through everyone I know, so I don't know how deep this will be, but I so need to write these thoughts out right now.

The guy from that interview called me three times yesterday, each time leaving me a message telling me how excited he is to "bring me on board". Well, after the first message, I was like......NO, no thank you. Then he called again and I was like "LORD, what is up with this man?" THEN the third time, I don't know what happened but I thought to myself, "alright, IF I'm gonna even call this guy back, it's all going to be on my terms." So I called him back and said what I could do (which was very inconvenient for him) and he says, "I don't think that will be a problem!" Soooooooooo........I guess I got myself a little job.....oh wow. It's really not going to effect our lives that much, it's only during the hours when Hope is in pre-school and I'm toddler swapping with another friend of mine with Kennedy.....so we'll see. If it works out, great, if not, oh well.


I will be honest enough to say I'm going to enjoy getting out of this house some. As much as I love this home, whew......especially during these cold months, it REALLY starts to feel small!! The other day the original owner's daughter-in law came over to see the house. No one from their family has been by since we've done everything (well, not EVERYTHING) But, she LOVED it, and she cried....which was hard. But she said it's not even the same house anymore. We still have SOOOO much to do, but one step at a time.

So this morning I wanted to "talk" about something, and I only have a few minutes before my "toddler swap" arrives.....but, I wanted to get some opinions about this..........Matthew 6:8 "Do not be like them, for you Father knows what you need before you ask him." I guess I'm just super confused with God right now.....it seems like the stuff I'm NOT trying to make happen (like this job) are happening.....but the stuff that I really want to happen (like my first speaking opportunity) isn't happening....I'm just wondering if God is still saying to me, "Be still." Although my heart aches and I don't want to be still.......I want God to use me, daily, hourly and all the time. It's just been a very frustrating process...although I'm not giving up, because I couldn't do that. It's like in my blood.......I almost can't stand it.

I was talking to a sweet woman of God the other night at church. I was expressing my frustrations with not knowing which way to go towards making things happen. She said that in HER life, that whenever it's time for God to do something.......it just happens. Now, yes, she has to do all the prep work, but when the Father calls her into her next "mission" things just start happening. God doesn't seem to work this way with me.......as I think back to the things I've been involved in....I've had to work to make them happen.....or did I? Did I work and it happened or did I work to MAKE it happen.

As I think about this verse, and I think about how this job "just happened" I did nothing, and to be honest, I certainly was NOT praying for it to happen. So, is this God's will......or is this God giving me what I need, BEFORE I even asked....?? Oh I hope this makes sense, I'm not really sure if it does. Ya'll........your comments me so much to me. It's so hard for me to talk on the phone with anyone with the Kennyboo and Hope running around WILD, so please share your insights with me. Even if you just send me an e-mail......I am so trying to seek the heart of God in all of this, to know and understand His will, and I keep running into all these stumbling blocks, which I know is going to happen, but this is a way (writing things out) that I hurdle over them.......I know everyone doesn't understand the whole blogging thing, but it's truly my heart desire to know Him more through this blog.

Well, I'm off to start this sleepy busy day which will be followed by a busy busy weekend. I'm trying to get ALL my Christmas stuff done before we leave for Arizona....and that trip is sneaking up on me quicker than I imagined!! AHHH....Have a BLESSED, wonderful God filled day! Much love!!

1 comment:

ValleyGirl said...

I think you'll have plenty of 'speaking engagements' in your new job. It'll be much more personal rather than speaking to faceless millions, but it'll still be a speaking engagement; opportunities to share your walk with God. God can call us to great things even if we don't feel they're very great by human or societal standards. How exciting!!