Friday, October 19, 2007

Thinking about Thinking

This week I've been reading Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer, this came highly recommended from Kim over at Only One. A friend and I are reading it together and I have to say I've had a hard time getting into it. It's not that it's not an incredible book, it's that I've seen there truly are some big battles going on in my thinking of life. I've realized how negative I am in my thinking towards myself. This again isn't the most fun to talk about but, it's necessary. Again, the refining process isn't fun, but it's necessary to become the gem that God intends us to be.

The other day after we came home from school, all three girl's ended up in their rooms on their beds in a matter of minutes.....they were all fighting, crying, kicking and was just a hormonal day I guess! Well, as I placed Kennedy on her bed and she kicked me, I began to think about what a horrible mother I was. After all no one else's children behave this way right??? =) Was that a lie from the enemy or WHAT!! That same night, Kris came home from work in a HORRIBLE mood. Again, I began to tell myself that this marriage was all my fault and it wasn't going to work ever. Another complete lie from the enemy. It wasn't until that night that I realized what was taking place.......I had just begun reading this book and recognizing where my battles are taking place and then they came on FULL FORCE.

Well, the other night I was watching Oprah, now I know there are a lot of controversies about her, but she had this show about menopause on.....not that I'm going through it yet, but I thought it was interesting to watch because I have a friend that is in the beginning stages or so we think. But, I got so much out of it. The doctor that was on, she was talking about how we as women do not love ourselves enough. We take care of everyone else's needs always before ours, we put ourselves down constantly thinking we are not owning up to everyone else's standards. We think we are being selfish when we take time out for ourselves. I cannot tell you how many times I've left the house to go and just take a break and come home feeling worse than I did when I left because of the guilt of leaving for just a few minutes. This is NOT HEALTHY.

This doctor continued to tell the audience that the reason women don't take care of themselves is because we don't love ourselves enough to do it. I could really relate to this whole battle with my weight, the way I look and the way I feel. Now, yes, I have recently (the past few weeks)gotten back on track with taking care of myself physically, but mentally I've still been beating myself up. This doctor made a VERY good point. Find something you love and do it. I started thinking about what do I love to do......I had a really hard time thinking of something. Since we don't have a lot of money shopping is OUT, and going to get pedicures and stuff like that is OUT, but I started thinking about my passions in life. Piano and Tennis came to mind. I stopped playing piano a while back just because I never seemed to have the time to do it. I stopped playing tennis YEARS ago because I never had the time. But then I realized something.....just how I thought I would never have enough time to write a bible study or participate in anything like that, I have made the time.

We make time for the things we love. Here is an exert from the book that has really challenged my thinking: "Thinking about what you're thinking about is very valuable because Satan usually deceives people into thinking that the source of their misery or trouble is something other than what it really is. He wants them to think they are unhappy due to what is going on around them (their circumstances), but the misery is actually due to what is going on inside them (their thoughts)." Yes, my circumstances are this: I have three small busy children, a husband who works very hard and long hours to provide for us, we don't have a lot of money and most of the time life is pretty stressful.

So I have a choice......I can either think about all that can and does go wrong in life, or I can think about all the blessing I have take a look at my circumstances THIS way: I HAVE three small children who the Lord has given me to raise and take care of. I HAVE a husband who works his tooshie off so that I CAN stay home and raise these girls. We HAVE enough for today....the bellies are full, clothes are on our backs, a roof covered our heads through the rain this morning. We ARE busy, things are constantly going on, but what a sweet reminder

Perception......there's more to it than I think about it most days. So, I've made some decisions. I'm looking for a tennis team or league to be apart of, and life will go on the hour or so I will be away from home each week......I will continue to write this bible study, Life in the Refiners fire.....I will continue to make time for the things I love and the things I need. Yes, I am a mother and a wife, but I am also a person.....a person with passions and dreams. It's time to stop thinking that as a mom, I've got to sacrifice EVERYTHING. That is not life.......that is the battle of my mind, constantly at war.

God's deliverance won't happen overnight. I didn't get into this way of thinking overnight and just like I didn't put this weight on overnight. It's a day by day, victory by victory kinda deal. One day, One step, One change at a time. So I rejoice today at the fact that I've lost 2 pounds this week......I've put forth an effort to begin a tennis group (anyone interested e-mail me!).....I took some time to sit down and play piano this week (boy am I rusty.....UGH, see there I go again!!). (deeps victory at a time!!)

Well, wild girly's await's a teacher workday so that means a workday around home!! =) hee!! They are going to be SO EXCITED. So now your thoughts PLEASE: What are the battles you face in your mind each day? How do you plan on overcoming them? Do you have any helpful suggestions? Do you take time out to love yourself each day or are you a give give give person?

With Christ All Victories are Possible.

Have a blessed day!!


Lisa said...

Girl, girl, girl.....we sound sooooo much alike. We need to I have got that book but hadn't really taken the time to really get into it. All my kids are in husband says I have too much time to sit and dwell on things when I am not subbing. When I do treat myself...I feel guilty. No win situation. My husband and I went out last saturday by ourselves. He called it an all day I had the best time, went out to eat, done a little christmas shopping but come monday morning....there was guilt for spending that money that could have been spent on somthing else. Let me know how the book does for you.

Hang in there girl,

Valarie said...

This is a toughy girl. It's a VERY fine line between "taking care of self" and "esteem-ing self". One I've crossed in both directions WAYYYY to often! While we do need to take care of our physical and mental needs, when it becomes an issue of DEMANDING time to meet those needs - well we've moved over to the esteem side.

The thing I wrestle with is my weight. I've started to creep back up and I feel the enemy creeping in. Telling me lie after lie and that's a MAJOR achilles heel for me! I have to remind myself DAILY who wins the war!

Good stuff today girl!

CrownLaidDown said...

Well said...I especially liked the part about you are...a good mom, a good wife, well fed and clothed. To me that means, He is faithful. He is enough. He has ordered my life. Sometimes, I've gotta know that!
Have a wonderful weekend. Tell yourself the truth...and I will, too!
Good words!!

Sharon said...

Getting around a little late today because I took Paw Paw to the fair.
Wouldn't it be great if a light went off above our heads when we were entertaining thought from the liar?
Or maybe a beep beep beep?
Alas it does not happen.
I have had problems with this too.
I find that at this time his messages are about the stuff going on around me. TO try and think that things are never going to change. I can remember the times when I had the thoughts about having gotten myself into a rotten marriage. I realized what was going one and I beat satan by starting to thank God for my husband.I can't seem to get myself there right now regarding some other things in my life.
Thanks for the reminder. I check out my thoughts and start thanking God again.