Monday, August 06, 2007

Life is very messy

Wow, where do I even begin..........my heart is broken tonight, for those of you know what has been going on with my brother, well to not be to outspoken for his privacy.....although at this point I just don't even care.......He is not better..........I don't even know where I stand on everything right now, so I'm not quite sure why I'm writing this........I guess I just need to put my thoughts and my heart out there right now. My heart is so heavy as I heard of a man in our church having an affair today........this whole thing with my brother.........and some other family issues. Fragile would describe my heart right now so forgive me if I haven't e-mailed or called you back this week.....life is just very messy and very busy.

This will most likely be my last entry for a while. We plan on moving into our house tomorrow night, it will make things much easier on everyone right now. Although Kris and I will still be on the air mattress and Kennedy in her pack n play, the girl's will have the bunk beds from my mom's and hopefully we can slowly begin pulling things out of storeage. And even though the house isn't ready, it's livable so we shall live! =) But, we haven't had the cable, phones or Internet hooked up yet so I need to call and schedule all that tomorrow and I know they are not going to be like, "Yes Mrs.Koziarz, we'll be over in an hour." So hopefully next week I'll be back online.

My stomach is in knots. I feel so overwhelmed spiritually, financially and emotionally tonight. I really have asked the Lord to step down and provide for the rest of this house stuff but it just keeps coming........yesterday one of the pipes broke that goes to the washing machine. $$$$$ I love our home and it's really starting to come together, I just wish it was on a cheaper budget!!!! For those of you that know me, know I am adimit about not going into debt over this house and having a savings account.........but I don't know what God has planned, I'm trusting Him, I know He's going to see us through our obedience. I have to trust him.....I have no other options.

Life must carry on....tired, sad and weary..........even though I really feel like crawling into bed for about a week. But of course those girly's would not allow that! =) They have been really good throughout this whole process........yes we have had many, and I mean MANY breakdowns, fights, tears shed and whines galore.......but they have been through a LOT. They are just the best girl's a momma could ask for. And my husband........wow, he's due for the man of the year award!! He has battled my tears, frustrations, forever changing decorating plans, doubts, fears and just has been amazing. Thank you honey!!!

So as it's my last night here at my mom's, I'm a little sad, not really excited about what is ahead (unpacking.......ugh) but anxious to get to our new home and anxious to show it to you all!! It's come a LONG ways!!! I so look foreword to those quiet early mornings. Just me, my Lord, my bible and of course my coffee!! I look foreword to getting these lovely stressed out pounds off of me VERY quickly and then focusing on the rest of the weight I had to lose anyways.......ugh. My advice for anyone fixing up an old house take your budget and DOUBLE it for all the "other" stuff and lose about 10 pounds BEFORE the process begins!

Taylor starts back to school in a little over a week, she is SO ready. I'm ready too, but I have really enjoyed her this summer. She really has been a big help with Kennedy and she's taught her some very great phrases like........"Hey Ya'll"......"What's up girl?"........and "OH MY" along with "uh huh....uh huh......ya oh ya". Taylor is forever walking around as a cheerleader, I think she was born that way!! Kennedy just loves her. I can see it coming though.....that "Oh my little sister is so cute" to " UGH.......my little sister!!!" I know Hopie is going to be lost without Taylor too until school starts back for her.

Well, as I go and lay my tired old =) body down for bed........I pray for each of you that read this. I love you all.......even if you don't leave me comments. =) And I'm sorry I haven't been around the other blogs leaving my 2 cents lately. I have peaked on each of you a little, everyone seems ok.......except for Leigh, I had to see what was up with her........it's not like her to not blog for a WHOLE WEEK. =) Glad things are going well for everyone and I look foreword to some slow moving mornings where I can drink my coffee and catch up with each of you. And for those of you sitting on the fence....reading all these blogs...thinking, "well maybe I could have a blog" GET ONE!!! Blogging....it does the soul good. See, I feel better now that I have written all my thoughts out, refocused and let you know what's going on in my little world. Pray for my brother.......God knows the details, whisper his name in God's ear if you don't mind, Mike.

I'll be back..........

Walking by faith and NEVER EVER EVER EVER by sight,
Nicki

11 comments:

the good, the bad & the ugly said...

I hope the Lord gives you much encouragment today. Keep looking to Him!

pinkmommy said...

I will be praying for you and your brother. When I look back on building our house, now that I have been in it 6 months, it doesn't seem that bad...it was kind of fun, actually. Stressful, but fun. I hope it will be that way for you soon!

CrownLaidDown said...

Praying...specifically for your brother and church family and your move. Praying for joy in the midst of it...
Love,
holly

Sharon said...

I know you will probably not get this now--but I am praying for you.
Check in when you get back--hopefully I will be back by then.
Keep you eyes on the skies.
Remember Beth Says, It may be over your head but it is under His feet!
After all the earth is His footstool.
Love ya girl!
His mercies are new every morning--reach out and grab hold.

Neva said...

Praying right now, my friend, asking God to grant you safe passage, peace and rest.
Praying for your brother, also that he will know no peace until he returns to the Lord. ( I am assuming this is the brother we spoke about on my blog)

Peace and prayers dear friend
Neva

Kim said...

You have been on my heart and mind today - Just wanted you to know that I have been praying for you guys.

Valarie said...

I know you may not see this right away, but you be strong girl! Remember the Lord got you ready on that mountain to suit up His armor and face the battle in the valley!! He loves you girl and so do I!
V

Lisa said...

Miss your blogs.....hope everything is well with the house. Just moving within itself is a job. Praying for ya girl.

Lisa

Sharon said...

I have given you a little treat. Come check out the Saturday post on the 11 of August.

Karen said...

We just can not give up on Mike. He will make it and he will be better. I believe this with all my heart. It is just going to take awhile. It is never on our time or our schedule.

Chow and a happy day, when ever you get hooked back up and get this. This is a day that we celebrate let us be glad and rejoice in Him, WHATEVER happens.

Aunt Karen

Sharon said...

You have been on my mind. I pray that you are continuing to let Him fill your heart.
Miss hearing your voice.
Let us know you are around as soon as you can.
Love ya girl
Your Sis