Friday, May 11, 2007

Amen for a Friday!!!

I have to say I am not so sad to see this week come to an end. This has been a very hard week.......sleepless nights.....a truck broken down that is going to cost all of our savings to fix (I don't know how we are going to be able to save for our down payment now)....a very hard conversation with my brother.....a baby falling down the stairs....a business opportunity that didn't work out....a gain at weight watchers....a husband not home all week........just not a good week in the Koziarz household!!! But once again my Lord has refreshed me this morning! Last night, I went and had a date with God!! =) Aren't those always the one to talk to but God, no crying kids, no one to "need" anything from me......just me and my Lord. I actually had to get away from everything or I was going to loose my mind!! But, God showed up, He always does.

I went and bought this book by Joyce Meyer, The power of simple Prayer........I MUST say, it's awesome!! You know I've really been struggling with my prayer life lately and I've expressed my struggles on this blog, but I needed a good book or message that was going to dynamically change this outlook I've had this week. It seems like my prayers aren't being heard, am I praying the right way? what should I pray for? am I asking for the wrong things? why do I need to pray specifically if God already knows? am I not being faithful to ask boldly? why should I ask boldly?, He's going to say no.......those are all the big struggles I've had this week.

I guess for me, the biggest obstacle I have with my relationship with God is finances. I don't mean that money rules me or my thinking, but I have seen God give and God take away in our lives. Why? I dont' know. We are faithful to tithe, faithful to give and faithful to serve. We don't do those things so that God will bless our money, we do it our of reverence for God, because we love Him and want to be found faithful.......but just like this situation with Kris's truck......I ask my Lord, why? Why are we putting ourselves through this very hard living situation so that we can live more simply, be devoted to staying out of debt and making wise financial decisions......and then boom.....just like that all that we have saved so far is gone. And ya' ALWAYS seems to happen like this........the MINUTE we start to get ahead, we fall right back down.

Some might say it's a blessing that we have the money to get it fixed, and I agree with that, and I'm so thankful for what God has done so far through this time....but the flesh side of me can't help but ask "God why can't we just have a little break with our finances?" I don't know why.......I really hope that God will reveal it to me soon so whatever needs to be done, can be done to fix this. Is He trying to get our attention? Are we doing something wrong? I honestly don't know what it could be........but obviously something isn't right.

What I read last night and this morning was truly amazing, and the same message keeps coming to me over and over this week, "I am a friend of God." The first chapter of this book says it so clearly, so real, so practical in thinking......Lord teach me to pray, show me how you want our relationship to be, reveal to me the truth on this journey.....I have got to be bold in this friendship with God, He is my friend, He is along this road with me, I am NEVER alone through it......although many days it seems that way, He is truly there. This verse in Ephesians 3:20 is a huge statement of faith for me in my life at this time, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." There is no limit to God, there is no limit to what He can do...........I put the limits on God. I say well, this seems like a good idea or how about this God? I am quite sure more times than not I totally miss whatever God has because I have a better idea!

I am tired this morning...........just tired. Weary in the soul and weary in my physical body as well. I've noticed that when I don't get good rest everything seems to be out of balance....I don't know how I ever worked third shift at the hospital!!! But there is no time to complain, no time to dwell, that's wasted time, I've got to press on. I need to go exercise today, at least that will give me a little break from the girls.......I've got to keep track of my points better.......I've GOT to drink my water and not fill up on Diet Coke just to get through the day awake!.........I've got to clean this house, (yes, I'm doing that too........this is NO vacation!),........but most importantly I've got to spend more time in deep prayer with my Lord. Not this: "Hey God, yada yada yada, talk to you later........." I've got to let these living frustrations leave me.....I never had any idea it would be this hard....I've got to let the financial burdens go to a resting place, God has provided therefore I am blessed........

I've got to take his promises to my heart and REALLY believe them. I think my prayer today needs to be Lord increase my faith, because it is a little weak today, I have to just be honest. Lord, teach me to pray and to believe boldly in what I pray for. Any thoughts anyone???


Sharon said...

I am so glad I came back to your blog today. Would it help to know that you are not going through this time of waiting alone.
The Bible says that the things you are experiencing other saints are experiencing also.
This is true.
We are in the waiting mode also.
We have had some major changes in our lives over the last two years.
Two weeks ago I hit my exhaustion spot. I am glad to say it only lasted for a little while. But, I was exhausted, mentally, spiritually, and physically. Thank heaven for our church family. They have been a great source of support and strength.
Now at this time we are in a waiting mode.We are living in our camper until we -now-find a house.
I am a problem solver by nature-and honestly God knew just what I would need to go through for me to finally be willing just to be still and know He is God.I have had a good relationship with God--but He wants to take me deeper.
Will I stay put until He says go? That is the big question. My body may have to stay put--but will my mind. Will I sit and not have to figure it all out?
That is the hard part--but I am learning.
I will be praying that because of your willingness to be obedient-- God will show Himself mighty in your life and the lives of your family.Be patient and sit in the peace He has provided for today.

Sharon said...

I just realized you live in Charlotte--my older brother lives in Maggie Valley, N.C.
We go there at least once a year to do a Christian Business Men's Conference at Lake Junaluska.
Love, love, love the mountains!

Nicki said...

Hi Sharon, Thanks for you ever so encouraging words....I needed them desperately today. It does help to know that there are others going through times like this! Thanks!

ps-LOVE Maggie Valley too, we went there two summers ago!!!

Elizabeth said...

You found my blog the other day through CWO, so now here I am visiting you! It's great how the Lord gives us opportunity to encourage one another. Thank you for being so transparent here. It is so evident that the Lord is calling you closer to Himself...He wants you to trust Him more and He wants to show more of Himself to you.

I went through a very long season of battling with financial difficulty, and with trying to figure out why the Lord would continually let us struggle. On a pastor's income, and with me at home with our three children, we were always very tight, and often near despair. We questioned why He would leave us in this situation, and almost resented Him for it.

But, little by little He has been teaching us. He is always with us. He has never left us. He promises to supply all of our needs...and as we have tried to humbly let go of control of our finances, and lay our whole situation down at His feet, He has astounded us over and over with His provision. We have been baffled over and over again how He brings just what we need, just in time. Our income has not changed, but our situation has. As we've surrendered our wants to Him, and trusted Him to provide for our needs as He has promised, He has blown us away with His abundance.

He will never leave you nor forsake you, and he will provide all of your needs.

He wants you to truly delight in Him...He is delighted by your desire to know Him more.

CrownLaidDown said...

Praying for you Nicki...keep walking this out...looking to Him. He's making a Mighty Warrior out of you....write it down and keep reminding Him that you love Him and trust Him. He is faithful and can be nothing different than faithful is who He is!
Love you in Him...praying,