Sunday, April 22, 2007

New Day, New week

I don't normally get up on Sundays, but I've been feeling led to be different lately. I've been feeling like I need to be filled up no matter what day it is. And I have to be honest, we aren't going to church this morning, we got basically nothing done yesterday because we had a lot going on during the day, so today is critical in getting most of our stuff to storage, I know.........not good. I feel awful, but I just don't know what else to do. So, I will have some church right here this morning!!!

You know, one of the things I love the most about Sundays is that it begins a new week. What a week last week was. "Situation B", took a turn for the worse, and just isn't doing well. It's been flooding my mind, both good and bad. Last night, my soul was just all stirred up, in fact most of the day my soul was all stirred up. I don't know about you, but with me, when I'm facing something like this in my life, I don't have a lot of patience for others. But, here is what I'm facing this morning. It's a new day, it's a new week. "Situation B" is effecting so much of my life right now, but what it should be doing is building my faith up higher and higher, instead of me feeling lower and lower.

But this morning God woke me up early, and said to me, just come and sit, Let's talk. Not ironic again, but as I opened my bible I am on Chapter 6 in John. Here I read two big miracles that has really made my faith increase. The miracle of Jesus feeding 5000, and Jesus walking on water. I have drawn out two huge things from both of those miracles.

1. Jesus does not forget the details. I think about how many times Kris has forgotten to feed the girls, simply because they did not ask! And as soon as I walk in the door, it's like they connect me with food! I can tell exactly by the way Kennedy is acting whether she is hungry or not. Maybe because Kris doesn't spend as much time with them as I do, he doesn't recognize the signals like I do. But here is what is amazing about this miracle: The people did not ask Jesus for food. They were just in awe of him, following him around watching miracles happen! But Jesus realized that they must be hungry. Here again I see, that we don't always have to ask for everything specific. HE KNOWS. He sees what is needed as does it.

I have a great example of this. The other day I was packing and I was starting to run out of boxes. I didn't think to stop and pray, But I had given my whole day to the Lord that morning, I was trusting in Him all day. A few minutes after I stopped packing there was a knock on my door. It was one of my neighbors. He says, "I was just checking to see if you needed a few boxes?" SEE, right there, God was working, even though I hadn't specifically asked for a box right at that moment. HE KNEW. He's got every little detail in His hands. That brings me so much comfort this morning with "situation B". He knows what is going to happen, He knows how this is all going to play out. I can put all of my trust in HIM, knowing that I may not always know what to pray, but He knows.

2. Jesus shows up in the midst of it all. This goes on to verses 16-24 of Chapter 6. Here we see when Jesus walks on water. There were a couple of things that really made me go, hmmm. I don't really quite get why the disciples are leaving the shore line without Jesus anyways. The only thing I can really think, is they thought that perhaps Jesus was going to catch another boat. But, where is Jesus going? What was He doing at that time? Was he off praying? Is that why the storm came? But here's what I LOVE, Just as the disciples were beginning to be so afraid, Jesus shows up! Right then and there! He walks on that water and says to them, "Do NOT be afraid, it is I." OH MY, can you imagine???? I can just picture, Jesus walking towards them in confidence, not like, Oh no, I'd better convince them it's me. He just strutted right over to them and was like, LOOK, it's me, I'm here, there's nothing to be afraid of!

I can't help but wonder when we are in the midst of the storm, do we even recognize Jesus? Do we know when He shows up? Or are we so filled with terror of what "could" happen, that we just aren't able to receive the peace that He offers us? Do we think that if we don't act scared people are going to wonder what is wrong with us? If we experience joy through sorrow, people may think we are fake or not compassionate or even selfish? Why is that? Why is it that we feel selfish to experience joy through sorrow? I can TOTALLY say that has been me the past few weeks. Isn't that sad because the Joy that is found in Christ alone is one of the biggest blessings we will ever receive!

This is a critical week in our lives. Moving has been very stressful. I've seen my girls struggle more than ever before this week. Last night they had nigthmares, they are scared, they are confused they are not liking this whole deal. I've tried so hard to make this something fun and exciting, but I think they sense my own fear. Isn't that amazing how we can't wear a mask in front of our children? They see RIGHT THROUGH IT. But, what I realized last night is this, I cannot change our circumstances, but I can change my heart. And oh my heart is struggling so much right now. I think my hormones are struggling too!!! =) But I just have to be filled with HIM, more and more. I have to walk the walk and then talk the talk. The fighting between the girls, the attitudes, the disrespect, the's enough to send anyone up the wall, but I have to give it my best right now. I have to put on the full armor because I've NEVER been under attack like I have been the past few weeks.

So this morning I see this so clearly. I cannot do this alone, but I also cannot depend on others to pray for me and lift me up. I MUST depend on HIM alone. I must see him in the midst of it all. I MUST experience Him in the midst of it all. I can't feel guilty for experiencing joy, I can't allow these many circumstances to steal my joy. I must SEE and BELIEVE he is walking on that water towards my boat. He is calming the storms of my life. But I have to let him. I have to put all of my trust in His "perfect faithfulness".

Well, I'd better go so I can hit my knees and prepare for the battles that await this day. I know there coming, so what am I going to do? GET READY. That was some good stuff this morning, even if it is right here at Nicki's Church of Blog. Ok, I'm so kidding!!! =) Have AN EXTREMELY BLESSED DAY!!!!

Walking by faith, not by sight,

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