Thursday, April 12, 2007

Bad Mood

This morning I have woken up in just an awful mood. Well, it started with an awful night, if you are in the Charlotte area then I'm sure you heard the storm last night? It was loud, of course waking them all up. Then I was dealing with Hopie throwing up all night. I don't think she has a stomach bug, but then I don't know........I'm just not sure what's going on with my girls and this stomach issues. I took Kennedy to the dr. yesterday and she's been referred to an allergy specialist and a gastronologist. But of course the soonest they can see her is May 15! I'm just so tired this morning and it's not a fun day..........

Yesterday my soul was as gloomy as the weather was. It's amazing how much the weather can effect our moods. I'm still just........sad today as I'm still facing this situation in my life with a close person. The whole situation just makes me very sad. So being tired and stressed out just don't mix well together. You know that old, it's been there for me! Oh how I just need to regroup this morning. I've decided I need to go back to the weight watchers meetings. Hopefully I can find some good accountability through that. This isn't a good week to start though, just everything we've been dealing with. And I realize life could be so much worse. I realize that I have so much to be thankful for in the midst of this storm. I know God is here, I just wish I could feel him a little more this morning. Perhaps that's my choice.

I spent most of the day packing and repacking, crying and praying. I'm finding great frustration with these girl's as I seem to get one room done only to come back into a few minutes later to find new stuff dragged into it. And the clothes........oh my........they just never seem to go away! No matter how much I pack, sell, and give away, they just seem to keep piling up!

There is so much I want to say this morning, but I just can't. My heart is very ugly. I don't really have a lot of nice things to say. Frustration has just overwhelmed me this morning, I have let my guard down and I have allowed the enemy in. Just being very honest here. I'm not even sure why I'm writing on this blog this morning. Maybe it's just because it's my routine, I don't know. Nothing is making a lot of sense right now.

So I guess what you do in situations like this is go back to what you know. There are many things I don't know this morning, many situations, relationships and just life in general just doesn't make a whole lot of sense right now. But I can make sense of my Lord. He's here, just waiting for me to grab onto him and let him lead. This is a trial and certainly a period of testing that our family is facing right now, so the question is, what am I to do? Do I continue to allow the enemy to steal my joy, even though it's very hard to find joy right now.

I think about this verse in Psalms 18:16-17 "He reached down from on high and took hold of me;he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes who were to strong for me." That is what I need this morning, for God to step down and rescue my soul. To not let the "worries of this world" steal my joy, to be drawn out of deep waters. To be rescued from my powerful enemy, or in my case my enemies.

I know that everything I have faced and am facing will be something God will turn around, I think about my life and everything all ready that God has used in a big way. So if I can just hang on........I think of the words of one of my best friends in this whole world......the sister I never had. She says to me, "Just hang on Nicki, it's on it's way." Yes, God's blessings are on it's way. Even today in the midst of it all, it's on it's way!

Well, I'm sorry for such a blah entry today. I hope that this day will be a day of renewal and successful situations. My prayer today is this:

Oh Dearest Lord,

In the midst of it all, I want to fall

I want to turn and walk away, my heart, oh my heart has gone astray

But you oh Lord are drawing me near, you hold my heart and wipe every tear

My prayer my Lord is as simple as this, it's also my heart's biggest wish

That you would find me faithful today, that you would find a new turn for each way

Turn this page, this chapter this book, oh Lord grant me a brand new outlook

May I be obedient to you, may you find me faithful in all I do

Heavy hearts are abundant it's true, but none that are to heavy for you

So my sweet Lord, I lay it down, I walk away and give you my frowns

Restore in me your joy today, may I be filled with your loving way

Let my enemies be afar, keep me shinning, as your brightest star

This day is all yours I lay it down, I trust in you to turn it around.

Walking by faith and not by sight,
Nicki your servant filled with your might.

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