This is it. :(

I'm so excited and a little sad to write this post. Three Girly Girls days are all done. It's been great but there's a fresh new site with lots of great things brewing over at www.nickikoziarz.com!! Please be sure to check it out and sign up for instant updates.

This will stay up for a little bit but eventually you will be directed right over there.

Thanks for the support and understanding!!

So much.

This morning I am knee deep in excitement, preparation, nerves and anticipation for the next few days. For those of you who have been around on this blog know that a few weeks ago I won a scholarship to the Philadelphia's Writer Conference.

I leave tomorrow, with the thought that just a few days ago I wasn't going to even be able to attend. But God.

But God period.

He is continually blowing me away with the plans He always has brewing...that I know nothing about. I love to be surprised and God completely blew me away with this scholarship, airfare and arrangements for my girls.

It feels so good to have people support and believe in this purpose that God has given my heart. And to those people [and they know who they are] I was filled with so much undeniable gratefulness as I laid my head down to sleep last night.

Listen, I know full and well I have a long road ahead of me still.

But slowly, God is leading me step by step into the promises He gave me two years ago. I am not trying to become the next Beth Moore, Joyce Meyer or even Billy Graham. I am Nicki Koziarz -whose last name is very difficult to say. I am an unlikely Jesus girl who has been through a lot in the few short years of my life who just wants to bring healing through Him to other's with similar roads. And I know if I will just hang on, He will continue to allow me to see glimpses of what He's doing. I have so much to learn still and so many areas to improve on but He keeps showing me -there is no qualification for His touch on our lives.

And so, I will pack up my carry on bag (because have mercy for luggage fees) and I will carefully place my book proposals, business cards and hairspray (because you don't travel without that staple) inside of it. I will kiss my girls and husband good-bye and leave this city of Charlotte that I love so much. I will fasten my seat belt and take off in an aircraft that I will ask the hand of God to hold carefully -for safety and because...there's a big dream inside of it.

I will go to a city that I've never explored, stay with a roommate I do not know and meet people who are way out of my league. I will sit face to face with publishers (again) who will intimidate the living daylights out of me and we will play the rounds of: platform, writing, idea and purpose.

And I will pray fiercely that one person will see it. That they will see God...in me and in the carefully typed words in front of them.

I expect rejection. I expect some praise. I expect new friendships and I expect to see God in the most unlikely way. Because that just seems to be how He rolls with me.

I will stand behind the vision and I will stand on behalf of every unlikely Jesus girl out there.

So friend, I don't know where you are on your journey. I don't know where I'm at either. I'm just taking things one step at a time. I'm not looking in front or behind or beside...I'm just walking.

And I don't know who this is for, but I feel like that's what God wants you to do too. Just keep walking. Keep your head high, your confidence in Him and your steps simple.

Ok, now...listen. I've got some news. No, I'm not pregnant...(ha)....Three Girly Girls is in its last days. I hate it like its not even funny but I just can't have two blogs. So...change is good. Change is good. Change is good. Repeat after me...Change is good. (smile)

So be on the lookout soon for a new and awesome site that will be redirected right from here. You will like it, I promise. It's good for your eyes to have something new to look at. [smile]

Ok, off I go. Philly, I don't know what you have for me, but I'm coming! Wish me luck. Say a prayer. Or both. (preferably...prayer. :) )

No hands of accusation.

A long time ago someone in my life was accused of something they did not do. It was devastating. It was painful. It stirred emotions and it caused a lot of division.

Watching this person go through this was difficult. There were things I wanted to say or do to control the situation. I wanted to defend!

Let's face it though, we've all been accused of something we didn't do at some point in our lives. And if you haven't...well, you probably have been -you just don't know about it.

Accusation is such a troublesome place.

But lately, I've really been working through being able to accept someone accusing me of something. Before, I would immediately put up my guard and march to the beat of I.Am.Going.To.Prove.You.Wrong.

The thing is friends, in this life, there is always going to be someone who doesn't like us. I've come to accept this a long time ago. It's hard to believe that everyone wouldn't think we are the greatest thing since sliced bread but the truth is...some people just really don't like us.

And there are some people we really don't like either.

Sure the bible tells us to as much as possible live at peace with everyone. But I know a huge chunk of that peace comes from within us. And if someone doesn't like us...well, then they don't like us.

Consider Proverbs 14:15 "The gullible believe anything they're told; the prudent sift and weigh every word."

The hand of accusation can really stir the pot. It makes you sometimes even wonder, "Did I really do/say that?" Even though we know in the depths of our hearts we did not. Satan loves to get us all confused and torn apart.

But I love the second part of that verse: "sift and weigh every word"

There is mighty strength in that!

Getting before God and laying out all of our accusations against us is the first step. But then asking Him to sift and weigh them to see if there is any truth to them. Maybe He will show us that there is some truth -maybe He will show us that it's all a scheme of the devil.

But the bottom line is...consider it. Consider all you are accused of...before God. Not with your friends. Then, if the Lord shows you that you have done no wrong...then you walk in that truth from Him. You step away from the argument and the hands of accusation.

We will never be able to be right in every person's eyes. Sometimes simply for the fact that there are some people that just don't like us. Other times it's a season of growth and maybe we do need to consider what we are being accused of.

But the bottom line is this...if I am right in God's eyes...nothing else matters. And that is the truth. People are going to say what they are going to say and accuse what they want to accuse you of. But stay near to Him, keep your mind on the advancement of God's word and live according to the Spirit. Know what you know.

How we react to your challenges in life will tell whether we are wise or foolish.

We don't have to put up with the devil's lies. And that is the truth!

I hear Lord, LOUD AND CLEAR.

This morning something has got me all fired up. I hope that I can delicately relate this to you so that I don't appear on this blog to sound crazy or out-there...but on the other hand, I really don't care at this point.

I'm about sick to death of the enemy using Gods very own people for his purpose.

And the thing is...we are letting him. We don't realize it until to it's to late because we don't have our guards up, we are not in Gods word, we are not praying and we are playing Christian good girl like we never have.

For the past few days I have been walking around like a wounded warrior. My heart has been so heavy and ready to dissolve from God's purpose for me because of one person. ONE PERSON.

A respectable person, a kind person but a person who crushed my calling in five minutes faster than any scheme the devil has ever tried to rise up against me.

Oh friends, this morning the Lord has awakened my soul and shown me how through jealousy and envy for other peoples callings, the enemy is winning. People who have missed their moments for their destiny are jealous people. And they want to steal whatever promise God has given us because they didn't meet their life achievement quota.

But I am finished. No one is stealing what God has shown me is my purpose. Especially another believer.

I believe in the message He has given to me because it's a message that leads others to salvation! I don't want to sell books, or speak to thousands, I just want my neighbor to know that yes, the church is sometimes a horrible place. We are the worst to knock down and destroy...but that our God is a good God and He loves us and wants this garbage to stop within HIS walls.

I want to use everything He's given me for this purpose. I want to take the pain and heartache that I've received and turn that into an offering of service. I don't care what the girl in front of me is doing, the girl beside me or the girl behind me. God's going to do what God's going to do.

And so, I think about what is in my hand today. I don't have to respond to others whose motives are questionable. I don't have to pick my brain to pieces to see what I can do to further myself -because yes friends, even the Christian culture is POUNDING this message into our brains.

Today, I simply look at my hands just like Moses did. And I see what is in them...today. Not what is coming tomorrow. Today. Every person that I will see, touch and have the ability to make an impression on...I will do so with the highest quality possible. Because I know who I represent and I it's HIM -not a ministry or an opportunity. And He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, so how could I not shout that from the roof-tops?

Life is not about the opportunities, it's about the obligations to represent Him well. And so...that is what I will do.

I hope that these words reach the right person, at the right time. Because God is moving through our nation and world like never before. And we will either be ready or be a stumbling block for someone else. Don't let the devil try to steal what God has for you but also don't let the devil use you to steal what God has for others.

What's in your hands today?

I know He's working while I wait.

One of my favorite worship songs is From the Inside Out by Hillsong. I love that song because it really makes me stop and evaluate my heart. And that is where I find myself this morning...evaluation.

A thousand times I fail, your mercy remains.

I will be completely honest and tell you that my heart aches right now knowing that my story is in the hands of complete strangers [in the form of a book proposal] and they will most likely look at it and say, "Thanks but no thanks."

I don't say that to make you feel sorry for me, or to play the humble pie card. The facts are, it's very hard to get published and I am fully aware of that.

My heart and my soul, I give you control.

Yet, I continue to seek His plan for my life. And then I think of you, who sits on the other side of this computer screen. The things your hearts ache for...healing, babies, marriages made whole, the right husband or just enough to pay the bills this month.

Inside each of our hearts are the aches that we long to be fulfilled and not even for our own purposes. We long for things to make us greater in Him.

The art of loosing myself in bringing you praise.

I read verses like Psalm 56:8:

You've kept track of my every toss and turn
through the sleepless nights,
Each tear entered in your ledger,
each ache written in your book.

And know that God sees every longing and ache in our lives. And He's keeping track. And He's watching over us. And He loves us like no one ever will. And He believes in us more than anyone. All those ugly tears that we have cried, He knows the number -that blows my mind away.

Consume me from the inside out.

He knows our motives. What we do when no one is looking -good and bad. And He knows when our hearts are good and pure.

Let justice and praise become my embrace to love you from the inside out.

And so today, I lay my Nicki Koziarz, heart down before Him. I praise Him for the things He is doing that I cannot see or know about right now. I ask Him to hold my heart carefully and its as if He looks at me and says, "Would I do it any other way?"

God is for us. He's on our side. He's with us. The Lord looks at all the girls in this world and chooses you and I for His purpose. We just have to wait...on Him.

Love Him from the inside out.

A lot to process: She Speaks 2010.

Hello bloggers. I have SO much to tell you and SO much to process, I may never get through this post. [smile] But I will try, ok?

God has been speaking to me in a very simple way. He keeps saying, trust in Him and to believe in His promises. Simple enough. But I am apparently very complicated.

So a few nights ago, I opened up the door and saw this amazing rainbow. I'm sure I'm not the only one in Charlotte who felt this way at that moment but it was as if God sent this gorgeous sight...just for me. The preparations for the She Speaks conference was...a lot. I poured a lot into my book proposal, more than I ever had. And this reminder from God was, I can prepare and prepare until I have nothing left to prepare. But God's promise is His promise and that is where I am to stand, always.




I went into the four days of the She Speaks conference with that beautiful image in my head and heart. God's promises to us are simple but true.

I'm so mad at myself for the lack of pictures I took. But this was one of my favorite people at She Speaks this year, Cindy. God is taking Cindy to heights she never imagined with her story. Cindy was selected as the Lifetime TV shows Army Wives winner for what she is doing with her journey through breast cancer. One of my favorite moments of the weekend was sitting on the floor in the prayer room just praying over her. She's amazing and I'm so blessed to have her as a friend.

This was another amazing woman I got to meet. She is actually a friend of my mom's who has been so encouraging to my mom through her journey through cancer. This is Kim and she's just as sweet as she looks in this picture. Love her!

I also met some amazing people named Lee, Wendy, Nichole, Kimberly, Pamela, Carol, Mary, Emily and so many more! My heart was FULL after this weekend. There were some AMAZING women there. And now we are all BFF's. [smile] I also got to hang out a little with the amazing Samantha from P31 and the Compassion girls, Shawna and Laura -who I LOVE dearly.

And this my friends is our little team: The She Seeks crew. Each of them mean so much to me and they were amazing to hang out with this weekend. We laughed, they wiped my many tears [that's another post] and we just had a great time together! I'm so blessed to be apart of this team and I cannot wait to see where God takes us this next year as we embark on year #2 of our ministry.

Now. For the moment we have all been waiting for. Oh yes. The moment I met one of my writer hero's, Angela Thomas! I have replayed this moment in my head over and over. Let me see if I can put it into words.

Saturday July 31st was my 30th birthday. I have to be honest and tell you that it started off really bad. It was the most emotional roller coaster day I have ever had. But the moment my whole day started to turn around was at this moment. I was sitting at the She Seeks table and I noticed that a lot of people were standing around. But I just thought a session had just gotten out or something.

Then, all of the sudden I heard a huge group of people singing, "Happy Birthday!"...and I know my face turned a thousand shades of red. I just thought it was a sweet gesture from some of the attendees. So I looked over at my friend Lisa and I was laughing and she says, "Just wait, it gets better." And I turned my head and looked and behind a swarm of people was Angela Thomas, with a cupcake, singing Happy Birthday. Just writing about this brings tears to my eyes.

She came over and gave me a big hug and I was stunned. I had so much to say to her, but I just went numb. It was like one of those moments where you have been dying to meet someone and then...you have nothing to say! But she is super sweet and I just LOVED meeting her. One of the top five moments of my life for sure. So thank you, thank you again to everyone who was involved in pulling that off! I was so surprised!

The rest of that day was amazing and God really did some neat things. It's just a day I will never forget.

I know a lot of you are wondering how my publisher appointments went. I can tell you this, they went good. I received good feedback but I also have some things I've got to think through and pray through. But be looking for some changes soon on this blog. I know...sometimes change is bad but this time it will be good. I promise. [smile]

And last...but not least. I have the greatest husband ever. God has been doing some amazing things in our marriage lately and Kris made my birthday so special. He planned a surprise getaway to the beach on Sunday for my birthday. It was JUST what I needed after four amazing but information overload days. [smile] He's the best. And I know your husband is the best too but Kris is really the best...for me.[smile]

One more thing...the winners to the giveaway. I know, I'm so slack you may never enter a giveaway on my blog again. [ha] And the winner is...Tanya at Life in 3D! Email me your address so that I can get Stacey to send you your goodies. Thanks everyone for participating and helping spread the word.

So I'm pretty sure I've missed something on this processing update but I think I covered a lot.

And now...loads of laundry, grocery shopping and errands are awaiting my presence. So off I go. Love you all and if you were at She Speaks please leave a comment and let me know if you posted about your experience, I'd LOVE to read it.

I have not forgotten.

I just haven't had time to sit down and put all the entries into a random drawing! So...contest extended until...Monday. I will have tons to tell you on Monday too!

Thanks for your patience!

Much love,
nicki